Hey guys^^
Yup, it's been a long time I know....I just haven't felt like coming on lately. Had a really rough time. Feeling depressed most days, but I'm used to it so much by now I hardly even notice it anymore. Been on and off ever since "it" happened =/
I've come back to ask you all something though. The past few weeks I've been doing what I can to distract myself and this namely has involved me, aside from working hard on my community nursing placement, playing old computer games that I'd pretty much forgotten about until a short while ago. The game I've been playing mostly is fairly similar to World of Warcraft in style, except it's free to play and is much smaller in contrast. The game is called Shaiya. Although addicting, it's provided me with an exit from reality so that I can leave behind my worries, my pain, all the things that have been bugging me. It's great fun and I've really been enjoying it. About two weeks ago, I started to play a new game of shaiya altogether and I've had a good time playing alongside the other players who I've met ingame and become friends with. It was also about this time that I met someone called Ryoko ingame, and we also became close friends. However, I felt something draw me to him and he felt sort of drawn to me, and we've often been caught playing alongside each other on the game and just generally having fun =) Whilst we've been killing stuff ingame and having fun, we've been talking and he also added me on Facebook too, which was nice because it meant we could talk to each other outside of game should we want to, and we have done and I enjoy our conversations. It turned out his name was also Chris (I'll call him Chris M so I don't get confused with my old SO) and that he is 24 years of age. He lives in Georgia. I enjoy his company and general down to earth attitude, and he loves to crack jokes and make me laugh. Which I like in turn. He'd call me "my Faithy ^.^" due to my ingame name being Faith, and he'd often put a heart next to my name whenever he saw me come online.
It was up until last night that I didn't feel confused and unsure of what to say and think. He told me, whilst we were playing ingame, that he was downloading Skype so that we could chat on there a little bit, and before I knew it, we were talking face to face via webcam and it was really, really nice =) I was quite stunned when I first saw him, I didn't really know what to say really and as a result, I was blushing left, right and center and stumbling for words =P But he was very calm and relaxed, and after about 3 hours of webcamming and chatting, before I went to bed, he asked me slightly embarressed if I wanted to be his girlfriend. Now, I was surprised. Quite surprised. I was shocked even. But I also didn't know quite how to react. I didn't know what to say, so I told him that I would consider it and let him know when I was ready. He said to take all the time I needed. Now, those of you who know my story will know how rough times have been for me lately. I told Chris M what had happened with my old SO very briefly, so he would understand. He told me he understood me and I've no reason to believe he didn't. I just don't wanna hurt him. I also don't wanna hurt my old SO: we're still friends, and old feelings are still there, I just don't know how strong anymore. We're so busy these days all we can really manage are the odd Skype call here and a few texts there, but that's it. I've been told to move on, and it's been over a month....but I don't want to let go of Chris as a friend just because old feelings make it a little awkward at times. It would be like saying goodbye to half of me and I don't wanna do that. I can't tell him about this cause it would just hurt him.
I haven't been able to speak to Chris M today and to be honest...I've missed him a lot. Probably more than I should do, I guess. I just don't know...
I'm pretty confused right now. Any words of wisdom would be much obliged....
I've come back to ask you all something though. The past few weeks I've been doing what I can to distract myself and this namely has involved me, aside from working hard on my community nursing placement, playing old computer games that I'd pretty much forgotten about until a short while ago. The game I've been playing mostly is fairly similar to World of Warcraft in style, except it's free to play and is much smaller in contrast. The game is called Shaiya. Although addicting, it's provided me with an exit from reality so that I can leave behind my worries, my pain, all the things that have been bugging me. It's great fun and I've really been enjoying it. About two weeks ago, I started to play a new game of shaiya altogether and I've had a good time playing alongside the other players who I've met ingame and become friends with. It was also about this time that I met someone called Ryoko ingame, and we also became close friends. However, I felt something draw me to him and he felt sort of drawn to me, and we've often been caught playing alongside each other on the game and just generally having fun =) Whilst we've been killing stuff ingame and having fun, we've been talking and he also added me on Facebook too, which was nice because it meant we could talk to each other outside of game should we want to, and we have done and I enjoy our conversations. It turned out his name was also Chris (I'll call him Chris M so I don't get confused with my old SO) and that he is 24 years of age. He lives in Georgia. I enjoy his company and general down to earth attitude, and he loves to crack jokes and make me laugh. Which I like in turn. He'd call me "my Faithy ^.^" due to my ingame name being Faith, and he'd often put a heart next to my name whenever he saw me come online.
It was up until last night that I didn't feel confused and unsure of what to say and think. He told me, whilst we were playing ingame, that he was downloading Skype so that we could chat on there a little bit, and before I knew it, we were talking face to face via webcam and it was really, really nice =) I was quite stunned when I first saw him, I didn't really know what to say really and as a result, I was blushing left, right and center and stumbling for words =P But he was very calm and relaxed, and after about 3 hours of webcamming and chatting, before I went to bed, he asked me slightly embarressed if I wanted to be his girlfriend. Now, I was surprised. Quite surprised. I was shocked even. But I also didn't know quite how to react. I didn't know what to say, so I told him that I would consider it and let him know when I was ready. He said to take all the time I needed. Now, those of you who know my story will know how rough times have been for me lately. I told Chris M what had happened with my old SO very briefly, so he would understand. He told me he understood me and I've no reason to believe he didn't. I just don't wanna hurt him. I also don't wanna hurt my old SO: we're still friends, and old feelings are still there, I just don't know how strong anymore. We're so busy these days all we can really manage are the odd Skype call here and a few texts there, but that's it. I've been told to move on, and it's been over a month....but I don't want to let go of Chris as a friend just because old feelings make it a little awkward at times. It would be like saying goodbye to half of me and I don't wanna do that. I can't tell him about this cause it would just hurt him.
I haven't been able to speak to Chris M today and to be honest...I've missed him a lot. Probably more than I should do, I guess. I just don't know...
I'm pretty confused right now. Any words of wisdom would be much obliged....
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