6 months without him :(

[Lizzie2579]

I have just got home from the best visit with my boyfriend. I met his family who were so lovely and spent 10 amazing days with him. Leaving him at the airport was horrible and I haven't really stopped crying since I got home yesterday. He is Turkish and is joining the army on 12th December for 5 months. I won't be able to see him until May at the earliest or maybe even June ad I will have hardly any contact with him. I feel so sad. I know we can get through this and we have plans for the future but I need some words of encouragement and maybe some advice from anyone in the same or similar situation...how do you cope with such a long time apart and hardly any contact???

[nicole]

by the time my SO gets here in December, it will have been just under 6 months since I last saw him, so I know how that part feels All I can say is, as bad as it sounds; you just get used to it. Put yourself into a routine, keep busy and just keep going. It passes the time a lot quicker when you have stuff to do. After my last visit, I was a crying wreck really until I was able to get a job. Having it gives me something else to focus on.

As for the contact, maybe you can send him a care package or something, maybe include some stationary so he can try write to you?

[NaNi]

My SO and I can only visit once a year. 8 months to go. We cope with Skype talks. We can't talk often, but once a week is better than nothing.

[louisanna6]

I won't get to see my SO for another 6 months. I last saw him about 5 months ago. I always try to focus on why we have to be apart. We are both students, so its needed right now. It helps to remember that if we all just got to make decisions based on our love, we'd be together right now. Its also important to stay busy. Keep living life so you don't just sit around wishing he was here. You know in time things will get better, so try to make the best of what you have now. Remember, the pain now is a part of the happiness in the future.

Good luck!

[Lizzie2579]

Thank you for your replies, its really nice to hear from people in similar situations! Louisanna is your boyfried Nepalese? You must be very committed to wait nearly 1 year to see each other, your words give me hope! Thank you! I like the idea of a care package too Nicole, I think I will do that and plan lots of things to keep me busy! Thanks again!

[aggie]

Chin up! It's do-able . We all have been there . The longest I haven't seen my SO when we were in a relationship was 12 months... and the most horrible part about it was not knowing when exactly we were going to see each other again. If you both want to do this, and you know you'll see him in May, then you can do it. As girls said, keep busy, do a list of things you want to do when you reunite again. Prepare a care package or get involved into a long-term , preferably 6 month long project for him that will get you do something for him and will let the hours pass . . . I made a booklet of paintings of his characters of WoW, I wrote letters, I re-discovered my artsy side again . Do sports . Plan your days to the fullest and when the MOMENT comes, watch romantic movies or your photos and cry your eyes out, then tell yourself to pull yourself together because you both have things to do now, but theres a bright future TOGETHER awaiting.

Good luck! And remember, we're here and we're here to help you get through this. x

[BlueCat]

You will make it, once it gets to the end of the time apart, you will wonder how it passed so quickly. Never give up hope though. In our last seperation, my SO were apart for 18 months, and before that, 11. So it is most certainly possible. I understand that being in the army you may not have a lot of contact with him, I'm not sure how that works. Write him e-mails, call each other when possible and send him letters. I find that even if my SO doesn't respond to my e-mails, it's still important for me to write them to him so it feels like he's included in my life and knows what's going on.

Don't focus on the 6 months, set smaller time frames, do you have a family member's birthday soon? Focus on that, set closer goals to look forward to such as "in two weeks, I get to do .... ", and before you know it, once a few of those goals have passed, he will be done his service.

[Lizzie2579]

Thank you aggie and Bluecat, for your kind words and really good advice. I will definitely keep myself busy. I will write a list of things I want to get done while he's away! I like the idea of concentrating on smaller goals like Christmas, New Year, I have a holiday with my family in February! Thank you again, I feel a lot more positive hearing your stories and your words!

[Engel]

I never had to do the hardly any contact thing, so I dont know how it is. But with a goal in the end it makes everything better and tolarable.

[LilyChiba]

I'm lucky enough to talk to my SO every day, but it may not so much be the case when I get a job since I'm still looking. If I got night work, that would be a different matter. However, I still haven't even met him for the first time. Easy to see in my counter how long I've been waiting. Mid next year for me. Keeping occupied is the only way I can do it to stop thinking too hard really.

[msskunk]

Me and my SO never meet each other for 14 months and it would be more until the next meeting. We communicate through emails only, once a week. Better than nothing!
All we can do to cope it, is being busy and focus on our life more. Time will passed quickly than we though.

[books]

I can definitely relate. I haven't seen my SO in 6 months and it will be close to 9 months apart when we do get to see each other. We have super limited contact as well. I basically just deal with it by keeping myself super busy with work and counting down the days until I can see him again (I find having an end goal helps me a lot).

[Lizzie2579]

Thank you to everyone who has replied, it really helps to know people are in the same situation. I can cope with the time apart but its the lack of contact that really bothers me. I don't know when he will get in touch, I just have to wait but I will take everyone's advice and just keep myself really busy! Thanks again!

[Lizzie2579]

1 month down, 5 to go!! Im coping ok so far, he has been in the army for nearly 2 weeks and im keeping myself really busy! I will be going to see him around may 19th and im sooo excited!! thanks for all the advice!

[Yaaamiii]

Don't focus on the 6 months, set smaller time frames, do you have a family member's birthday soon? Focus on that, set closer goals to look forward to such as "in two weeks, I get to do .... ", and before you know it, once a few of those goals have passed, he will be done his service.

This is very good advice. I've started doing the same thing this year, and it has definitely made things MUCH easier. I feel the distance is much harder to cope with when all you think is "oh my gosh...it's only been a WEEK and we still have 4 months to go!" It's much easier for me to say "oh two weeks from now I'm going on a retreat, 4 weeks from now we're celebrating ____'s birthday, in a 2 months we'll be together again!"

Best of luck to you! Remember that you are stronger than you believe.