i cant stop blaming him.

[megfashion]

i don't know if it is his fault. but right now i just cant talk to him. he has upset me. luckily it is 11.20pm, so when i said "night" doesn't seem as if im blanking him out. but he thinks im in bed asleep.

so here is what happened.

the SO and i met up at a church choir. we first met when i was 11, he would have been 13. now at christmas, there is a service with a really nice solo in it. the piece is "once in royal david's city". now i LOVE that piece so so much. even on a bad day i will gladly listen to that. i have wanted that solo ever since i heard the SO sing it when i was 11, because of the fantastic acoustics.

thing is, he has had that solo ever since. i have never had that chance.

now last year, i did get that chance, but there was too much snow.

this year, the SO couldnt do it as he is at university most of the time. i lack courage to ask the new conductor (the chance last year was an old conductor who i liked) for the solo, so i asked this guy called Derek, who is like head of pastoral team. ive asked him before about roles etc... and he is always so lovely and never makes me feel small. i said to him "mum asked whether i could do the Once in Royal solo this year" (i couldnt ask myself hehe). he said "im sure itd be no problem, but you should really ask liam. dont worry im sure he will say its fine"

so i went to ask him. hoping id get it, he said that i was too old for the part now, that he is going to give it to someone younger.

i am so gutted. and im just feeling really resentful.

i only have this year and next year left at the church choir (before a gap year or uni). and now i dont get any chance. n it just feels like the SO has taken every single of those chances that i have. he is 2 years older and got the solo sooo many times. i did get jealous sometimes because he got it again, because i loved the piece and just really felt passionately about it.

sorry to vent. but im just so angry and upset and i cant stop crying over it.

i just want to shout at him and say "HOW COULD YOU TAKE THAT PART AWAY YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WANTED TO DO THAT JUST ONCE".

:'(

[Zephii]

I don't think you're being fair to your SO honestly. He's obviously very good at it, and that's why they have had him do it every year. Did you ever actually as him "Hey, can I do it this year instead?" because you can't expect him to read your mind. I'm really sorry you're missing out on the experience, but maybe you should try talking to Liam again and just explain to him how much it means to you to be able to just do it this once. Maybe he doesn't realise it's a big deal to you.
He likely feels that it's his thing because he's done it so long. It might not feel like Christmas to him without it or something.

I'm sorry you're so upset

[megfashion]

i said to liam that id never done it before etc..., yet he said he wants to give the younger ones a chance. well fair enough, but ive never done it n i might not get another chance to.

yer i have done before, the first year we went out i asked him whether i could do the solo because i was really wanting to do it and he said it isnt up to him (and a sorry)

idk. im jst really upset now.

[uniquefem]

Humm sorry that you feel upset but i just want to say ...don't sweat small things...

He got very good reason to give it away, for younger kids. I heard Christmas is also about the spirit of giving? maybe its a good thing to give it to younger kids.

Hope you feel much better now

**sorry i know less about x-mast, just giving thoughts**

[Sharon Q]

He can't help that they picked him over you and as harsh as the matter is, You can not blame him for something out of his control even if he had dropped out of the choir so you could do the part there is no promise that they would have had you do it. You can't blame your SO for them picking him.

[Shepard-Fowkes]

You really should've spoken up earlier. You don't have the right to be cold to your SO just because he got the solo that you wanted. Doesn't that sound a little immature? I know that the solo meant a lot to you but gee...it was just a solo. Don't hurt your SO over this. Not to be harsh, but it's such a petty thing to fight about when you should just accept that you've aged out of the role. You've had your chances to speak up. Let the little kids have their fun and don't chew out your SO over this.

[Rugger]

Resentment like this will kill a relationship. It's not his fault he's good at what he does. It's not his fault that he's been asked to do a solo so many times. It's not his fault they didn't choose you. He didn't take it from you. It was out of his control. I think you are being a little silly for being mad at him for something like this. I'm sorry you didn't get the part you wanted, but it's not his fault. Blaming someone for something they can't control is stupid. Why be mad at something that cannot be changed.

Stop blaming him and learn to get over it or break- up with him. It's not fair to him to have you resent him for something he can't control.

[Jgui]

Resentment like this will kill a relationship.

and as Shepard-Fowkes mentioned, you should have brought it up to your SO sooner. I understand how much you wanted the solo part for many years but they kept giving it to Liam. But in reality, it isnt his fault that he keeps getting the part. You should be happy and supportive that the church is noticing his talent. Maybe you should try talking to Liam and explaining to him how much you wanted the solo part and how much it will mean to you if you get it.

I'm sorry but you sound a bit immature over this situation... getting upset with you SO over something that he can't control is a bit silly dont you think? If you wanted the part so badly you should have spoke up and made an action in trying out for it, dont sit here and complain... im sorry if i sound a bit harsh.

[annb8888]

He can't help that they picked him over you and as harsh as the matter is, You can not blame him for something out of his control even if he had dropped out of the choir so you could do the part there is no promise that they would have had you do it. You can't blame your SO for them picking him.

I agree. Your SO has no control of the situation. It's not that the solo was actually being given to you and he steals it every time. Have you ever considered if he IS really better at it than you? I'm sorry if I'm being harsh but you see, not everything we are wanting to do we can achieve. You must remember that in this life, there are persons greater and lesser than you. Don't be unfair to your SO because of that solo. I know it's important to you but doesn't your SO have to be more important than a solo?

Be happy for your SO, he's your love! What he achieved, is part of who you are too.

[Zapookie]

Resentment like this will kill a relationship. It's not his fault he's good at what he does. It's not his fault that he's been asked to do a solo so many times. It's not his fault they didn't choose you. He didn't take it from you. It was out of his control. I think you are being a little silly for being mad at him for something like this. I'm sorry you didn't get the part you wanted, but it's not his fault. Blaming someone for something they can't control is stupid. Why be mad at something that cannot be changed.

Stop blaming him and learn to get over it or break- up with him. It's not fair to him to have you resent him for something he can't control.

THIS.

You're angry at your SO over something which he had no control. It almost seems like you're looking for things within your relationship to get upset over. I'm sorry if that's not the case, please correct me if I'm wrong.

But this is not something you should be crying over. Life doesn't always go the way we plan, and we cannot always get the things we want. When this happens, we can't just put the blame on to other people, especially not someone we love and care for. We are to be held accountable for our own actions, whether it be we got what we wanted, or we didn't. And then we learn to accept it and move on.

Please don't blame your SO. It is not his fault.