Girlfriend vs. Friends

[Amber]

I need advice! Whenever my boyfriend friends go out to see him I don't hear from him for days! No texts, calls, emails...nothing. I called him and he didn't answer. I understand they fly out to spend time with him, but we have had this talk before that he does not need to change who he is around his friends. They know we are dating, does he care to let them know how much I mean to him? I don't know. I just get frustrated because we go back and forth on how well we are communicating and I know that when he has friends out there from back home that he won't speak with me. But...we have talked about it once and yet nothing! Frustrating? What should I do if it continues? I'm not trying to be a needy girlfriend that needs to talk to him every minute of every day...but I tell myself that we need to at least text "I love you" or "good morning" every day if we are going to be in this relationship together. What do you think? I'd love to know what other couples do when this happens?

[ChibiFelicia]

personally i feel demanding a text of i love you or good morning is a lil too much for me, especially since you literally said it as an ultimatium that just doesnt fly with most people. If my man said that to me well...i wouldnt be happy.
Since it obviously bothers you i guess you should talk to him again but maybe not demand communication? Could say something like "mind letting me know what youre up to? I miss you!" iunno that usually works on my guy when he's with his friends.

Edit : - i just re read your post...did i misunderstand what you wrote? Is that what you say to yourself? or is that what you've said to him? If i misunderstood i apologise i didnt mean to sound harsh

[Zephii]

We always back off on the communication if one of us is seeing mates, but it never stops completely, and never for days. I would think that was unnaceptable. I mean it's rude to always be texting or whatever, but a five minute phone call when he wakes up in the morning, or a quick "We had fun today, but I was still thinking of you" text doesn't take much effort or time, and his friends wouldn't be put out by it. It's not really ok to just disapear off the face of the earth. Would that happen if you were CD too? Maybe ask him that to begin with?

[Sunnyside193]

I agree with Zephii it doesnt take much to make a little effort just to let you know he is still alive at the very least. Obviously if he has friends over I wouldn't expect him to call but a couple of texts would be more appropriate

[Haley53]

I agree with Zephii.

I remember when my partner went away to a four day concert. We only got to text bitty bit and I got one short phone call on one of the days, but he still put in an effort to remain in contact. I mean if one of us is going out with friends for the day, we may speak a little bit in the morning and that's that, but if it's going to be longer than a day, there are always a few text message or thought reminders in the mix.

Personally I would phrase it the way ChibiFelicia did, that you understand he has friends over but you miss him when you don't get to talk for so long, and ask him if he'd maybe be willing to drop you a little text just to let you know how it's going when he has the time, even if it's a quick goodnight?

[rubydissolution]

I just went through this with my SO not too long ago...lol. Makes me feel a little better to know i'm not alone in this "How hard is it to send me 1 text to let me know your thinking about me" thing. I don't feel like explaining the back story but long story short is after a short break we had a long conversation about what we both need in the relationship. My end was simple, I need little things to know that ur alive n well and that you care and are thinking of me. Course he said there isn't a moment he isn't thinking of me, so texting me when i come across his mind didn't work lol. Since then he's gotten a lot better at sending me a text in the morning, the occasional text from work or when he's hanging out with his friends. I don't think a text or two a day even when ur our with friends is unreasonable. I sent him a ton of texts from Florida when i was visiting one of my best friends and she understood.

I think you really just need to let him know you need these little things to help you get through prolonged absences. Like when his friends come by. It takes all of two seconds to send a text, even in the morning when he wakes up or at night before he falls asleep. Just make sure you word it properly so it doesn't come across needy.

[Jgui]

my SO is the same thing.. when we're together he is very focus on me but when we're not together he is very focus on whatever he's doing.. it bugged me at the beginning when he doesn't text or call me, or takes a while to respond to my text.

when he is out wit his friends or visiting his family he doesn't communicate with me much. and i give him space because i know once he gets the chance he'll send me a text. currently he is visiting his family for the holidays and we haven't spoke since Wednesday morning when he dropped me off at work.

have you told him how you feel about his lack of communicating when he's out with his friends?

[Bethypoo]

The fact that his friends are spending money to come and visit i think means that you need to give them that respect and give them some time together. I mean, i agree, even when his friends are there, a "i love you" or "good night" shouldnt be to much to ask. It takes two seconds and you arent asking for an entire conversations. Some people dont need that text everyday. Others dont. Just talk to him again. Let him know that its not that you are asking for the full convo, but just the one text is all you ask. I think that you just need to speak with him and let him know.

but be respectful. Sometimes he may just forget to text you. Things happen. And it isnt that he doesnt want to talk to you. That I am sure of.