Constantly Thinking

[Amber]

I wrote earlier about how I've been looking at my phone to hear from my boyfriend (Even a.."I'm still alive" text) to call me back since we have not spoken in almost 3 days, due to him having friends over for the holidays.

Well...I caved and texted him..."hope your having fun! thinking about you" Just something simple. Not to be needy and to get in the way of "boys time".

He texts me and says they are having fun. Then he sends me a text saying "I've been constantly thinking about you. Love you...I'll call you sorry..."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? It's been almost 3 days. Your now just telling me that you are thinking about me, even though you have purposely not returned my phone calls and previous text messages. I know...I know. I should be thankful for him texting me that he misses me and still loves me. I am thankful he finally did that....but I'm to the point of freaking out because we have been back and forth on who is not communicating to the other person. And no matter what it always comes down to I'm either the one not telling him things...or he says "I'll call you sorry..." and NEVER ENDS UP CALLING like he says. And yet...I still am the person at fault because then he says that I should have just called him since he didnt call. Yet...he is with the boys...so I should let them have boys nights out....Am I getting mixed messages? Pulling me both ways in this crazy world of relationships.

I can't get over this at the moment. Don't ignore me for days and then tell me that you will call me. And then...as an end result NOT CALL! Frustrating.

And yes...I know...I know...Turn off my phone and go do my own thing, but when you live in a different city 1500 miles away all by yourself its hard to go do that alone. If I turn off my phone then he will complain that I'm ignoring him. Yet again...I'm the person at fault. Is this a lose lose situation for me??? I'm probably just ranting.

[Sunbeam]

I would call him later when you know he doesn't have friends over, or wait for him to call you.
If he doesn't call, and you have to call him and he gets mad, I would just tell him that he said he'd call and he never did and you got worried/tired of waiting.
That's just me though.
I hope it works out for you.

[Kerry]

do you talk to your bf online? the reason I ask is my bf and I used to have a similar issue. he used to have a pay for the minute phone and when he ran out we couldn't talk until more minutes were added.

[Haley53]

Can I be a bit rude (read: blunt) here and say I feel you're being a little uptight? It's easy to get angry when we aren't in the situation, when we aren't the ones who are busy with our friends or away doing this, this, or that, and it's easy to get angry when we aren't that type of person. It's easy to get angry when you're the sort who'd probably send off a text when you sneak off to the bathroom, or when you're waiting for your food to come after having ordered it, but there's an equal number of people who are fine going a little while without a "normal" amount of contact because they have guests. An example is that a friend of mine wanted to come down from Canada. Though she no longer can, that would have meant I wouldn't have been able to hop online every night or talk on the phone every night to my partner. Does this mean I care any less? No, it simply means I don't have the time. When my partner was away at a concert with minimal reception, we did the best we could.

Here he texted you, which like you said, is what you've been wanting. You texted him a "thinking of you" and he texted you back with a sweet text about how he misses and loves you. Instead of getting angry and pissy over it because it's not a phone call, why not appreciate the fact he took the time to think about you and write you a little message? If he's bad about calling, it may be because he gets caught up with friends, it may be a situation like Kerry said, or it may be that he genuinely forgot; some people forget easier than others. I would try appreciating the fact that he actually texted as opposed to complaining about it because it's not exactly what you want. If this was a communication issue that persisted past when he had friends over, then I'd understand, but he has guests, he's busy, and my opinion is give him a break. Just because you have as much time on your hands as you do does not mean he has the same, and I don't think you should get so angry at him when it's obvious he's trying, even a little bit.

[Amber]

Haha. Funny that you say that. We always say "lets communicate better". And I give suggestions. Skype, email, texting, phone calls, letters, care packages. We will talk on the phone and text. The only time he will skype is if he promised me we would and then we don't and I get upset and then he asks me to skype. Then we will. Um...I'm the one to send personal emails. He sends videos of his work projects. I'm the only one that sends care packages, letters in the mail. So the majority of it is just me!....That is why this has become frustrating. He has had friends come to visit him before and we have talked about how I would like a "hey how are you, or good morning" just because that is our daily routine. But then here I am stuck in this same situation when he has friends come and once again I dont hear from him for days. And then the minute they leave its back to..."baby this and baby that" as if nothing every happened. And he doesn't share what they did, just that they had fun. Its just frustrating. I've been thinking about this since I posted, and I think that I'm putting in all the effort. Yet, somehow whenever we talk about communication he says that "the phone works both ways". Yes, I understand that....but when I call him...he doesn't answer. So therefore to him I don't call? I don't get his thinking. Its just becoming over the top frustrating!

[savoie-truffle]

I didnt even have to finish reading your post or any of the comments... the beginning was enough for me to say that I have been there :P
Its really annoying I know but we`ve got to cut them some slack or we will be seen as the annoying crazy girlfriends we dont want to be. I dont really have any advice to keep you sane but the idea of leaving your phone behind has worked for me sometimes too.
Other than that just breathe... boys will be boys

ps it does get better but you sort of have to lower your expectations too.. for instance my SO and I kept arguing about lack of contact and i would be a miserable mess during our convo`s and it would turn into an argument. One day I was in a weird mood and called him and approached the subject in a much more "cheery" way.. I said I know you think you are trying and that I need to back off but could you try to step up a little more?
Now I try not to let it bother me when he doesnt text all the time he isnt attached to his phone like I am.. still is hard

[Amber]

I understand what you are saying! Its not that I'm not grateful for him finally saying something. This is a communication problem. We have talked about it in the past that we will communicate better and he promised me that he would not do this again when friends come out to visit. The thing is...they are doing things that I don't approve of when they hang out with him. It's like keeping secrets from me because they talk him into dumb stuff that he knows I dislike. I think its also frustrating because if I go out with friends and I dont answer then he calls my friends to see if I'm angry with him. Yet, according to you...(and you dont know the entire story, understandable)...I need to give him that time with his friends. I am getting angry and pissy, because I cant seem to catch a break with entire communication thing. Somehow it is always my fault for getting in the way when he hangs out with friends, or not calling him enough. Yet, when I do call or text him when I'm not busy then he does not answer. So no matter what I feel like im in the wrong. That there is no hope for my argument or for how I feel. He seems always right. He gets the time with his friends, and he is never wrong when he doesnt call or communicate with me like we agreed upon.

---------- Post added at 07:21 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:18 PM ----------

You are right Savoie-truffle. I need to approach the communication subject in a better light. Cheery as you said. He does need to step up. I need to stop being the one that is always putting in the effort in the relationship. Thanks.

[Zapookie]

If you do call him and he doesn't answer, just put it to him bluntly and text him something like "tried to call, you didn't answer your phone. if you want to chat, please give me a ring when you're able to"

And then, what you do, is you try to forget about him and do other things to distract yourself. You have to make him understand somehow that you are the one making the effort and he's not reciprocating. I feel sometimes that guys generally have a different expectation with communication as to girls. You can put it in ways that don't seem like you're nagging, but you still have to tell him, otherwise he's going to continue with this behaviour because he'll think you're okay with it.

I know both my SO and I had communication issues in the beginning, but we worked through all of that and we're in a good place now. I used to get upset because he would do something else rather than skype with me, now I get upset because when we skype it reminds me of how much I miss him being here.

[krabuzh]

Your issue is the same with mine... be it on our first relation or even now with the fact that we are actually on a break but still act like a lover though minus kisses and cuddling.

At first I also reacted like you did.. I was full of negative thinking instead of being grateful to accept the fact that he spent his time to tell me that he's fine and all.

But, as time passes by I came to a realization that he also have his own life. Indeed he said that he will write me today or soon. In your case he promised you to call you. But in the end none of it happened. Well.. from what I experienced, there always a reason behind why he couldn't do what he has promised to you. And don't put any of negative thought nor any anger from it. Just believe it that there's must be something that made him couldn't do that.

Well hopefully it all will goes well and you can solve your communication way better with him.

[Jgui]

Can I be a bit rude (read: blunt) here and say I feel you're being a little uptight? It's easy to get angry when we aren't in the situation, when we aren't the ones who are busy with our friends or away doing this, this, or that, and it's easy to get angry when we aren't that type of person. It's easy to get angry when you're the sort who'd probably send off a text when you sneak off to the bathroom, or when you're waiting for your food to come after having ordered it, but there's an equal number of people who are fine going a little while without a "normal" amount of contact because they have guests. An example is that a friend of mine wanted to come down from Canada. Though she no longer can, that would have meant I wouldn't have been able to hop online every night or talk on the phone every night to my partner. Does this mean I care any less? No, it simply means I don't have the time. When my partner was away at a concert with minimal reception, we did the best we could.

Here he texted you, which like you said, is what you've been wanting. You texted him a "thinking of you" and he texted you back with a sweet text about how he misses and loves you. Instead of getting angry and pissy over it because it's not a phone call, why not appreciate the fact he took the time to think about you and write you a little message? If he's bad about calling, it may be because he gets caught up with friends, it may be a situation like Kerry said, or it may be that he genuinely forgot; some people forget easier than others. I would try appreciating the fact that he actually texted as opposed to complaining about it because it's not exactly what you want. If this was a communication issue that persisted past when he had friends over, then I'd understand, but he has guests, he's busy, and my opinion is give him a break. Just because you have as much time on your hands as you do does not mean he has the same, and I don't think you should get so angry at him when it's obvious he's trying, even a little bit.

My thoughts excatly!!