Are you a habitual LDer? (Are most of your relationships long distance?)

[thatgirllit]

I am relatively new to the forum, so I would like to apologize if this topic has already been discussed at length. (If this is the case, please direct me to the proper thread and I will close this one.) However, after reading numerous threads and post, I was wondering how many members of the forum would consider themselves habitual LDers?

1) What percentage of your relationships are long distance relationships?
2) Do the relationships begin at a distance? Had you previously met in person?
3) Do most of your LDRs begin online?
4) Do you prefer/feel more comfortable beginning your relationship at a distance?
5) Do you have difficulty meeting compatible partners in your general proximity?

As I was reading through many of the post on the forum, I noticed that many members comment about their current long distance relationship and how it compares to previous long distance relationships (LDRs) that they have had. At first I thought this really didn't describe my relationship pattern; most of the men I have dated or gone out with I met off line or were in my general proximity. However, after I gave it further consideration, I realized that the two most serious relationships (I generally shy away from serious...commitment phobic) I have ever been in have both been LDRs.

I thought it might be interesting if we answered the above five (5) questions...although anyone should feel free to tack on new ones if they think it might be interesting. I will begin with my answers below:

1) 66.66% I think I have had three (3) genuine relationships and two of them were serious an LDRs; however, I didn't start dating until I was twenty one (21)...nerd...and I will be twenty six (26) in December.
2) They both began at a distance. Although, I had known my current SO for a year before we began dating. I met my ex online on a dating website geared towards a certain demographic.
3) One relationship began on a dating website; and the other began in person and distance eventually became a factor.
4) No. I feel more comfortable beginning relationships in person, however, my university was in a rural community and it was often difficult to meet people.
5) In college I had difficulty meeting certain types of men (due to location) however, after I left college this has not be a problem for me.

[snow_girl]

I have only had one long distance relationship, I also hope for it to be my last. We met close distance and I've never done online dating.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I don't think I've ever seen a post like this one on LFAD before so I think you're good

To answer your questions, however:

1) What percentage of your relationships are long distance relationships? I'd say 80% of my relationships have been LDRs. My first relationship was CD, when I was 16, and I thought I knew what I was doing. Unfortunately, I was very naive and he was a complete ass to say the least. My last 3 relationships have been LD and to be honest out of them, only 1 was serious. I'm still in contact with my old SO Chris and we're close friends, although we have hardly any time to talk anymore because we're both extremely busy in our everyday lives.

2) Do the relationships begin at a distance? Had you previously met in person? Apart from my first ever relationship which was CD (when I was 16), my relationships have all been started at a distance. I've never met any of my previous SO's except been on webcam with them, although I nearly met my second SO although he backed out with the excuse that his train was late arriving and that there were no more trains that day heading towards where I lived. I still plan on meeting up with Chris someday, since we have no intention of cutting contact with each other.

3) Do most of your LDRs begin online? All my LDRs have begun online. I met all of them online.

4) Do you prefer/feel more comfortable beginning your relationship at a distance? I think I must because when my first boyfriend asked me out (the CD one) it was over the phone and we were both so nervous! I don't like the distance one bit, who does? But I'm extremely shy and I lack some confidence in myself, so yes I do find it easier but I wish it weren't the case.

5) Do you have difficulty meeting compatible partners in your general proximity? Yes, mainly because I can never find anyone who I can hold a long conversation with A lot of people generally shun me because I'm shy and I'm a bit different. The other reason why I find it difficult is because the majority of guys I know are complete morons for reasons withstanding They would much rather have a game of football or play on their Xbox than converse with a gamer loving, metal loving girl like me But I don't mind so much. I believe there's someone out there for everyone, and I think it just takes time and patience to find that person. =)

[squeeker]

1) What percentage of your relationships are long distance relationships? 100%. My one and only boyfriend is my current and last boyfriend as we plan to get married and be together forever.
2) Do the relationships begin at a distance? Had you previously met in person? We began at a distance, we met online on a website for people with Asperger's Syndrome (which we both have). We met in real life a little over a year after meeting online.
3) Do most of your LDRs begin online? Yes, because I've only been in one relationship. I got lucky my first try!
4) Do you prefer/feel more comfortable beginning your relationship at a distance? I think it was helpful because we were able to get to know each other easier than maybe if we had met in person, especially since we're both pretty nervous in social situations.
5) Do you have difficulty meeting compatible partners in your general proximity? Yes. I wasn't really looking that hard but I know now why I never found anyone... I was waiting for my current SO.

[jiynx]

Nope - this is my first (and hopefully last) long distance relationship. I honestly would not be in this long of a distance if I didn't feel something amazing was between us. Would I rather be in a close distance relationship? Of course, doesn't everyone? There's a certain amount of faith, and love that you need to have in order to brave the long distance waters. All in all, I know he's the one for me. That's why I've been putting my all into long distance.

[heylittlekrissy]

1) What percentage of your relationships are long distance relationships? Even though it says percent, 1/3 of the relationships I've been in have been long distance.
2) Do the relationships begin at a distance? Had you previously met in person? My current relationship, and only LDR, started at a distance, and we have not met in person.
3) Do most of your LDRs begin online? My only LDR started online, yes.
4) Do you prefer/feel more comfortable beginning your relationship at a distance? I feel more comfortable meeting in person first, no questions asked, which is why at the beginning I was very weary of getting into a relationship with a boy I had met only online.
5) Do you have difficulty meeting compatible partners in your general proximity? Compatible partners, yes. Partners in general, not really. I won't say that I'm the girl all the guys want, because that's so far from the truth, but I do find that a relatively decent amount of men are fond of me, but are not usually someone I can see myself being in a relationship with. I've always been rather picky when it comes to relationships, for lack of better word, and will not usually get into a relationship unless I really like the person also and can see the relationship actually going somewhere. I've never been one for casual dating, and to be honest, I usually don't even count my first relationship because it was so short and I was not serious about it at all. That being said, my second relationship was never actually official; I was serious about the guy and while he liked me and wanted to be with me, he'd just been through a really bad break up and wasn't ready for another serious commitment. We dated for about 6 or 7 months, but that kinda fizzled out.

[thatgirllit]

I have only had one long distance relationship, I also hope for it to be my last. We met close distance and I've never done online dating.

Here, here!

I don't think I've ever seen a post like this one on LFAD before so I think you're good

To answer your questions, however:

1) What percentage of your relationships are long distance relationships? I'd say 80% of my relationships have been LDRs. My first relationship was CD, when I was 16, and I thought I knew what I was doing. Unfortunately, I was very naive and he was a complete ass to say the least. My last 3 relationships have been LD and to be honest out of them, only 1 was serious. I'm still in contact with my old SO Chris and we're close friends, although we have hardly any time to talk anymore because we're both extremely busy in our everyday lives.

2) Do the relationships begin at a distance? Had you previously met in person? Apart from my first ever relationship which was CD (when I was 16), my relationships have all been started at a distance. I've never met any of my previous SO's except been on webcam with them, although I nearly met my second SO although he backed out with the excuse that his train was late arriving and that there were no more trains that day heading towards where I lived. I still plan on meeting up with Chris someday, since we have no intention of cutting contact with each other.

3) Do most of your LDRs begin online? All my LDRs have begun online. I met all of them online.

4) Do you prefer/feel more comfortable beginning your relationship at a distance? I think I must because when my first boyfriend asked me out (the CD one) it was over the phone and we were both so nervous! I don't like the distance one bit, who does? But I'm extremely shy and I lack some confidence in myself, so yes I do find it easier but I wish it weren't the case.

5) Do you have difficulty meeting compatible partners in your general proximity? Yes, mainly because I can never find anyone who I can hold a long conversation with A lot of people generally shun me because I'm shy and I'm a bit different. The other reason why I find it difficult is because the majority of guys I know are complete morons for reasons withstanding They would much rather have a game of football or play on their Xbox than converse with a gamer loving, metal loving girl like me But I don't mind so much. I believe there's someone out there for everyone, and I think it just takes time and patience to find that person. =)

This is really interesting. So you do feel more comfortable beginning your relationships online because you feel it gives you a chance to get to know one another. I could certainly understand this, especially if you feel shy. Although, I couldn't do it. LDRs take a lot of time and work...if I didn't know going in that he was an amazing person, I don't know that I would have spent this much time on an LDR with someone I didn't know or had never met in person.

1) What percentage of your relationships are long distance relationships? 100%. My one and only boyfriend is my current and last boyfriend as we plan to get married and be together forever.
2) Do the relationships begin at a distance? Had you previously met in person? We began at a distance, we met online on a website for people with Asperger's Syndrome (which we both have). We met in real life a little over a year after meeting online.
3) Do most of your LDRs begin online? Yes, because I've only been in one relationship. I got lucky my first try!
4) Do you prefer/feel more comfortable beginning your relationship at a distance? I think it was helpful because we were able to get to know each other easier than maybe if we had met in person, especially since we're both pretty nervous in social situations.
5) Do you have difficulty meeting compatible partners in your general proximity? Yes. I wasn't really looking that hard but I know now why I never found anyone... I was waiting for my current SO.

*Envious* CONGRATULATIONS on your pending nuptials. This makes sense to me...if you want to date someone of a specific demographic, online dating seems like it would expand the pool of people you have the chance to encounter.

Nope - this is my first (and hopefully last) long distance relationship. I honestly would not be in this long of a distance if I didn't feel something amazing was between us. Would I rather be in a close distance relationship? Of course, doesn't everyone? There's a certain amount of faith, and love that you need to have in order to brave the long distance waters. All in all, I know he's the one for me. That's why I've been putting my all into long distance.

AGREED. If this does not work out, I will not be doing this again (started off not long distance)...and I wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't an amazing connection.

[rhomy]

1) What percentage of your relationships are long distance relationships?

Well, I would say 50%.

2) Do the relationships begin at a distance? Had you previously met in person?

-2 of them were CD.
-One of them was close distance for 5 months, then I went to University and dated LD for 2 more years.
-Another started long distance because I was at Uni and he was in my city. Though we met almost every weekend.
- When I was in my last month of University I met another guy from my city, but it was LDR for only a month, then I returned here. (so, I count this one as CD, because we dated 2 more years)
- And my current relationship started long distance. (and still is)

3) Do most of your LDRs begin online?

Only my current relationship. And haven't met him yet

4) Do you prefer/feel more comfortable beginning your relationship at a distance?

Not really, it's not something I think about, it just happens.

5) Do you have difficulty meeting compatible partners in your general proximity?

No. I mean, obviously my previous partners weren't the best for me, and that's why we broke up but it's not an issue for me.
Though I found out that being LD allows us to get to know each other in a deepest way and that makes our bond stronger day after day.

[kiara_silver]

1) What percentage of your relationships are long distance relationships?
100% my first and only relationship has started LD
2) Do the relationships begin at a distance? Had you previously met in person?
Started at a distance... a distance of 4000+ miles away
3) Do most of your LDRs begin online?
Ours started online yes
4) Do you prefer/feel more comfortable beginning your relationship at a distance?
I think so, I am normally really shy, i think it was easier for me, to meet him and talk, because i didn't have to be so shy, and by the time i started developing feelings it was easier.
5) Do you have difficulty meeting compatible partners in your general proximity?
apparently not, lol first relationship, and hes my one and only. I got lucky to find him, considering the circumstances, now i got to make sure i never let him go.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

1) What percentage of your relationships are long distance relationships?
I've only had two official boyfriends, ever, but I've had people I've unofficially 'seen', but this is my only LD relationship, so I don't really know how to work out the percentage.
2) Do the relationships begin at a distance? Had you previously met in person?
Ummm... hard to say. We've known each other our whole lives, we were friends, we'd met plenty, but our romantic stuff developed online. But we didn't decide to be together until after we'd re-met though.
3) Do most of your LDRs begin online?
None, so far. I didn't consider us to be in a relationship until after we'd met again. Yeah, things were headed that way online, but we weren't exclusive, and I wouldn't have considered being in a relationship until after we'd seen each other.
4) Do you prefer/feel more comfortable beginning your relationship at a distance?
Definitely not. I think there's so much physical stuff that happens... yes, yes, talking to someone is important, loving their mind is very important, but it's all the little physical things that help contribute to falling in love... little touches, looks, just physical close proximity. Y'know... like... ACTIVE love.
5) Do you have difficulty meeting compatible partners in your general proximity?
No. I am pretty chatty and outgoing. My SO is the only person I would consider doing this for. Actually, right now, he would be the only person I would consider even being in a relationship with. I love meeting people, I love flirting and chasing and being very sociable, and I'm young, and in university, and I have my whole life ahead of me. But I'm serious about my SO. He's been my best friend forever, and I am in love with him.

[floridaellen]

1) What percentage of your relationships are long distance relationships?
I believe it depends on your definition of long distance. My first boyfriend and I lived 45 minutes away from each other, didn't go to the same school, and did not drive so we only saw each other once a week. It was sort of like long distance. My current SO is only my second boyfriend and the only serious one. We started CD and then became LD. So I'd say probably 100%.
2) Do the relationships begin at a distance? Had you previously met in person?
I met my boyfriends through mutual friends online but we were never official until we met in person.
3) Do most of your LDRs begin online?
Friendships, yes. The relationship began a few days after we met.
4) Do you prefer/feel more comfortable beginning your relationship at a distance?
No. It's just tended to work out that way.
5) Do you have difficulty meeting compatible partners in your general proximity?
No. I have plenty of suitors where I live. I just prefer my SO. My SO and I started off close distance though.

[thatgirllit]

1) What percentage of your relationships are long distance relationships?

Well, I would say 50%.

2) Do the relationships begin at a distance? Had you previously met in person?

-2 of them were CD.
-One of them was close distance for 5 months, then I went to University and dated LD for 2 more years.
-Another started long distance because I was at Uni and he was in my city. Though we met almost every weekend.
- When I was in my last month of University I met another guy from my city, but it was LDR for only a month, then I returned here. (so, I count this one as CD, because we dated 2 more years)
- And my current relationship started long distance. (and still is)

3) Do most of your LDRs begin online?

Only my current relationship. And haven't met him yet

4) Do you prefer/feel more comfortable beginning your relationship at a distance?

Not really, it's not something I think about, it just happens.

5) Do you have difficulty meeting compatible partners in your general proximity?

No. I mean, obviously my previous partners weren't the best for me, and that's why we broke up but it's not an issue for me.
Though I found out that being LD allows us to get to know each other in a deepest way and that makes our bond stronger day after day.

Agreed. I think that the distance has allowed us to get to know each other better. Had we continued in person I think we would have developed into an activity based relationship much more quickly and I have enjoyed learning about him.

1) What percentage of your relationships are long distance relationships?
100% my first and only relationship has started LD
2) Do the relationships begin at a distance? Had you previously met in person?
Started at a distance... a distance of 4000+ miles away
3) Do most of your LDRs begin online?
Ours started online yes
4) Do you prefer/feel more comfortable beginning your relationship at a distance?
I think so, I am normally really shy, i think it was easier for me, to meet him and talk, because i didn't have to be so shy, and by the time i started developing feelings it was easier.
5) Do you have difficulty meeting compatible partners in your general proximity?
apparently not, lol first relationship, and hes my one and only. I got lucky to find him, considering the circumstances, now i got to make sure i never let him go.

Good luck to you both!

1) What percentage of your relationships are long distance relationships?
I've only had two official boyfriends, ever, but I've had people I've unofficially 'seen', but this is my only LD relationship, so I don't really know how to work out the percentage.
2) Do the relationships begin at a distance? Had you previously met in person?
Ummm... hard to say. We've known each other our whole lives, we were friends, we'd met plenty, but our romantic stuff developed online. But we didn't decide to be together until after we'd re-met though.
3) Do most of your LDRs begin online?
None, so far. I didn't consider us to be in a relationship until after we'd met again. Yeah, things were headed that way online, but we weren't exclusive, and I wouldn't have considered being in a relationship until after we'd seen each other.
4) Do you prefer/feel more comfortable beginning your relationship at a distance?
Definitely not. I think there's so much physical stuff that happens... yes, yes, talking to someone is important, loving their mind is very important, but it's all the little physical things that help contribute to falling in love... little touches, looks, just physical close proximity. Y'know... like... ACTIVE love.
5) Do you have difficulty meeting compatible partners in your general proximity?
No. I am pretty chatty and outgoing. My SO is the only person I would consider doing this for. Actually, right now, he would be the only person I would consider even being in a relationship with. I love meeting people, I love flirting and chasing and being very sociable, and I'm young, and in university, and I have my whole life ahead of me. But I'm serious about my SO. He's been my best friend forever, and I am in love with him.

I think you hit the nail on the head. Sometimes I think about all of the things I could be doing...would do if I wasn't in an LDR. And we trust each other...it's okay to go out and flirt...as long as you go home alone. But at the end of the day, the connection you have with your partner is just so much more meaningful.

[HollzHeartsChris]

This is really interesting. So you do feel more comfortable beginning your relationships online because you feel it gives you a chance to get to know one another. I could certainly understand this, especially if you feel shy. Although, I couldn't do it. LDRs take a lot of time and work...if I didn't know going in that he was an amazing person, I don't know that I would have spent this much time on an LDR with someone I didn't know or had never met in person.

I agree. They do take a lot of time to build up and trust is something not easily gained. Chris I was able to trust completely, one of the reasons we are still friends. My SO I can trust, although it's still early days, but he's earning it bit by bit fully =)

[Haley53]

1) What percentage of your relationships are long distance relationships?
Both my relationships have been long-distance, so 100%?
2) Do the relationships begin at a distance? Had you previously met in person?
Both relationships began at a distance, yes, and we had not previously met in person.
3) Do most of your LDRs begin online?
Ironically, I met both through the same site.
4) Do you prefer/feel more comfortable beginning your relationship at a distance?
In some ways, yes, in other ways, no. I have a lot of issues surrounding sex, and I tend to have fairly sexist ideas of "who" and "what" many/most men are. I'm someone who requires a lot of time and patience before committing to sleeping with somebody, and when it comes to the actual act, I require patience there, too, due to all that it can trigger for me. Because of this, distance relationships feel more comfortable. Though ironically in my relationship with my ex I was used sexually, I will say that I feel it's less likely to happen in LDRs. I understand that my logic may be a bit skiewed, as there are plenty of close-distance relationships where sex is not an OMGpriority, but I suppose I feel safer, sexually, in LDRs. That being said, once I've built up that trust, or once I've become more comfortable with the relationship in the sense I've grown to know, love, and trust the person, I stop preferring it to be distance, because I miss everything that can be had in close-distance relationships. It's especially bad coming home from a visit, because both LDRs have been transatlantic.
5) Do you have difficulty meeting compatible partners in your general proximity?
Again, yes and no. No in the sense I've never had any issue attracting members of the opposite sex. Yes in the sense I've actually never been attracted to an American.

[Dziubka]

1) What percentage of your relationships are long distance relationships?
It's hard to give a percentage. My first boyfriend lived about a 100km or 150km away. We saw each other every weekend, so it was sort of an LDR. My ex and I were LD in the beginning, but closed the distance after 4months. My boyfriend and I started out close distance. So most of my relationships have been long distance at some point.

2) Do the relationships begin at a distance? Had you previously met in person?
I had met all of them in person before we became a couple. My boyfriend and I started out CD...
3) Do most of your LDRs begin online?
No, none.
4) Do you prefer/feel more comfortable beginning your relationship at a distance?
Not at all. No.
5) Do you have difficulty meeting compatible partners in your general proximity?
Not really, no. I guess I could find someone close distance (actually... I found my boyfriend close distance), but I move around a lot, so even if I was dating someone CD now, we'd probably end up long distance somewhere down the line, eventually, at least for some time.