tired of competing now

[megfashion]

i know things were sweet... but that stupid julia is always there. constantly. i found out saturday evening he was going to see her in the morning. i then found out he was going to "quickly drop off a macbook" at hers on sunday (i trust that was what he was doing, dont worry) but that ended up being a good few hours n he didnt text.

today another julia thing.

saturday he wouldnt stop talking about her. whilst going back home he talked about her... im fed up.

i know she is an ex. but she has expressed feelings towards him before.



i think im just done with this competition. i love him but its just too emotional always feeling as if i have to compete against her.

[snow_girl]

You seriously need to stop worrying about this girl or break up with your SO. You have complained about her multiple times saying you trust your SO but your feelings you express here aren't exactly showing that. You need to accept this girl is in his life and trust him because it doesn't seem like he is willing to push her out of his life or move on. Would it help if you talked to him and said you don't want to hear about anything he does that involves her? Pro is that you don't have to hear it Con is that if you are already insecure then him not saying is only going to make you question what he is up to. He is with you for a reason, just cause she has feeling for him doesn't mean anything, it seems like he has more then a handful of opportunities to go back to her if that is what he wanted. I don't really know what to tell you.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I agree with snow_girl.
You have talked about this girl a lot, and obviously you're worried about her. I think you should trust your SO until he gives you a reason not to, because right now, you're making it sound like you don't trust him.
However, I did read your post about him showing up to your house on friday, to surprise you. And I honestly believe that if he was interested in this girl, he wouldn't be wasting his time trying to show you that he loves you.
I'm going to admit it - with my ex-boyfriend, I emotionally cheated on him. And one of the things that happened was that I shut down affection and communication with him, and got more involved with the person I was emotionally cheating with. So, from my experience, the amount of effort that he's put into your relationship, to make YOU happy, and to make YOU feel special and wanted, does not really correlate with what I've experienced of cheating.
Having said that, yes, it would worry me too if my SO was talking about another girl. So, if you really can't handle this anymore, I think you should sit down with your SO and have a real discussion about this issue, that his relationship with her is making you feel a little threatened.
But if you and he sort this issue, you have to let it go. If you keep pulling up all your old issues into the relationship, you're going to end up pushing your SO away. Who wants to re-hash old arguments?
Best of luck.

[Haley53]

In addition to what the others have said, I have a question. When you say he wouldn't stop talking about her, is that an exaggeration exacerbated by insecurity, or was he genuinely going on and on? And if he was genuinely going on and on, what did it consist of? For example, if I go out with a male friend and I come home to talk to my partner, I'm likely to go on and on about the day I had simply because I'm updating him on what I did and where I went etc., which would mean little more than "this is what I did today, let me share it with you because you're a part of my life." If he hung out with her and his going on about her was about the time he spent with her/what they did, could it be possible you're interpreting it as "he wouldn't shut up about her" when really, he was making an effort to include you? It's possible he was discussing it so that you actually didn't feel threatened, so that you could see there's nothing more than a platonic connection, but I can only speculate.

I agree with the others, though, especially what snow_girl said about choosing whether or not you want him to talk to you about her at all. As someone who a way while ago did ask her partner - he was not my partner/close to being my partner at the time, however - to stop telling her about a girl, I will say that it did nothing but make my insecurities flare and it was actually worse than when we were talking about her/it. So I decided to do what I should have done all along, bravely deal with it. Face it head-on. It was my issue, as this one is yours. You're giving this girl too much power, and it's power that she doesn't deserve. You talk all the time about trusting your SO but if you trusted your SO, you wouldn't be bothered by her or his relationship with her, because it doesn't matter that she has feelings for him and it doesn't matter if she tried anything; he's the one who should, and hopefully would, put a stop to it, and that's what you need to trust. Julia should not matter as much as she currently does to you, and you're really only feeding this demon and it very well could end up destroying your relationship if you don't get a hold of these insecurities and do what you need to do to work on them.

[Engel]

You seriously need to stop worrying about this girl or break up with your SO. You have complained about her multiple times saying you trust your SO but your feelings you express here aren't exactly showing that.

My SOs ex from when he was a teenager, like e without ever having had a french kiss or anything, but they dated, in that youngster way of holding hands, for like a week.
Anyway, before i moved to germany in 2010, he started a dance course with his best friend and she joined them. after some time, his friend quit, and now she is his dance partner for the lessons, every week.


It used to bother me a bit, but hey, Im the one that was his first, im the one he lives with, im the one he chose, im the one he is going to marry. so why would i waste my time to bother with plain Laura, when he is all mine? XD

[Sunnyside193]

I think its normal to be jealous if you would call it that, especially with an ex. But just remember he is with you not her so trust him. He hasn't given you a reason to not trust him.

[Rugger]

Jealousy destroys relationships. Period. You need to get over the jealousy, because it's your problem, not his. You need to work on your insecurity, because it's your insecurity, NOT his behavior ( because from what you have said, you don't have a reason not to trust him) that is the problem. Work on yourself. He wouldn't be with you if he wanted to be with her, plain and simple. She's closer. He wouldn't put himself through the LDR if he didn't want to be with you. You need to let it go. YOU are making this into a competition.

[Zapookie]

Have you told him how you feel about her? You can always ask him to please not mention her if it makes you feel better, but then again, like Eclaire said, he may just be trying to include you and keep you in the loop with things.

[elizabethjp2010]

i asked my SO not to talk to his ex anymore. i understood they were friends but i really dont trust her

[Jgui]

Have you told him how it's making you feel when he talks about her? I agree get jealousy ruins relationships. He s with you now and for a reason so you need to learn to stop worrying because it is t healthy for the relationship.

Try telling him to stop talking about Julia in front of you because it makes you feel uncomfortable.