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**snow_girl** · November 29, 2011, 11:36 AM

What if your parents talked to his mom a few times to get a feel for her and make sure you would be going to a safe place and that both parents are on the same page.

**lucybelle** · November 29, 2011, 11:43 AM

If you have the money, why not pay for his trip to meet you?

**heylittlekrissy** · November 29, 2011, 11:49 AM

Originally posted by lucybelle View Post

If you have the money, why not pay for his trip to meet you?

I thought about that actually, quite a bit, but he's not sure he can convince his mom either.
So we're kinda stuck lol

---------- Post added at 11:49 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:47 AM ----------

Originally posted by snow_girl View Post

What if your parents talked to his mom a few times to get a feel for her and make sure you would be going to a safe place and that both parents are on the same page.

I hadn't actually thought too much about that, and I'm not sure why lol.
Although, we've been considering getting a hotel for the trip, so that might be why

**lucybelle** · November 29, 2011, 11:59 AM

Well have him ask his mom! Maybe she'll be okay with it.

Can you take an older sibling or a trusted family friend with you? Or could he?

**CynicalQuixotic** · November 29, 2011, 12:01 PM

How old are you? If you're an adult, there's nothing really stopping you from going to visit him with your own money.

**snow_girl** · November 29, 2011, 12:05 PM

Originally posted by heylittlekrissy View Post

I hadn't actually thought too much about that, and I'm not sure why lol.
Although, we've been considering getting a hotel for the trip, so that might be why

If you are still having to listen to your parents, are you old enough to rent a hotel room? I don't mean that in a rude way but as soon as I was 18 still living at home my parents stopped telling me what to do and started offering their opinion as what they think I should do, it was up to me whether I took it or not. There is also another thread around here somewhere that is saying lots of hotels require you to be 21 to rent a room.

**heylittlekrissy** · November 29, 2011, 12:15 PM

I'm 20, but seeing as I still live with my parents and they provide me with a place to stay and pay for my food, if I went off to Wisconsin against their wishes, there would definitely be consequences for me when I got back. It's one of those situations where my parents feel as long as I'm under their roof, I am still to abide their rules, and would honestly probably kick me out for doing something like that, and I don't have the funds to live on my own right now, so I'd rather not go against their wishes on something like this. It's just how my family is, and that's not something I can change.

**lucybelle** · November 29, 2011, 12:52 PM

Originally posted by heylittlekrissy View Post

I'm 20, but seeing as I still live with my parents and they provide me with a place to stay and pay for my food, if I went off to Wisconsin against their wishes, there would definitely be consequences for me when I got back. It's one of those situations where my parents feel as long as I'm under their roof, I am still to abide their rules, and would honestly probably kick me out for doing something like that, and I don't have the funds to live on my own right now, so I'd rather not go against their wishes on something like this. It's just how my family is, and that's not something I can change.

I agree with this. It sort of irritates me when people say "if you're 18 you can do whatever you want". No. When you're self-sufficient and living on your own, then you can do whatever you want. As long as you're living in someone else's house you follow their rules. I think having your parents skype with your SO and his family will help.

**elizabethjp2010** · November 29, 2011, 12:52 PM

i think it all depends
if you pay rent, your parents really cant stop you

But i understand them wanting yall to meet where you are, bc theyre right there if something happens (im not saying it would im sure you know him really well, but they might think something bad will happen since thats whats shown in the news and stuff.)

Talk to them about if you maybe have family from up north, yall could maybe meet in the middle so that you can still see each other but your parents might be more comfortible with that.

But it really sounds like your only options are to A) fly him out to see you or B) wait until your parents are ok with you going to see him, than go

**kittyo9** · November 29, 2011, 01:27 PM

I still haven't been able to. I'm 21 and I spend about 3/4 of the year away from home, but my mom pays for the part of my tuition that my scholarships don't cover, so if I went without her approval, I'm afraid she would stop paying. I've had many conversations and arguments with her, but it just comes down to her being worried because she doesn't trust the peruvian government or my boyfriend yet. I decided I'm just going in August.

**SDPersona** · November 29, 2011, 01:27 PM

I'm almost 25 and still live in my parents' house too, because I am in training which means I can't afford a place of my own yet. I am playing by their rules as far as house chores go but anything other I might take as an opinion or as a wish and it is up to me if I want to do it or not. We did have problems with each other in the past because they still liked to tell me what to do, when to go to bed or whatever I did they could object to. However, I had to put my foot down and showed them my limitations. I wasn't about to let them treat me like a child in this house because technically I was free to go wherever I please and do whatever I want, but that means I had to act and behave like an adult too. It took a while and quite a lot of fights to get to the stage we have now. I know they were just afraid for me and still are not sure I could lead the adult life the way I want to lead it, but let's face it. Someday you have to let your kid stand on their own two feet. Maybe your parents are afraid for you, too?!

My boyfriend is coming to see me in July and both my parents know it and they are ok with it. Sure, they are a little bit apprehensive, because my SO and me are going to tour Europe and its my first time doing it on all my own. So is my boyfriend's mom. She can't stand the thought of her baby boy being so far away from her, but she is being very brave and lets her boy go. It helps too, that she got to know me while I was in his country and she loves me...

**kiara_silver** · November 29, 2011, 01:54 PM

Semi-similar situation. I was 18 and not living with my parents, with my grandma, but my parents still have a say in what I do. As far as i respect them enough to follow or consider hugely there wants.So me travelling to meet him was out of the question. Originally mom didn't even want me in the same town alone as him lol. So he had to come see me, and mom went with me to meet at the airport. He was also 18, and living with his parents. But his parents arn't as protective as mine, and supported him. But after meeting for the first time i did go off on my own, and mom was upset. I called her and told her im here, i'll be here for a week its just us. She was really mad, but she got over it. So i guess thats something to think about. you know one side of the parents will be upset. But will they get over it? Whats the worst they would honestly do?
My aunt and grandma kept telling me I was an adult, they can't forbid me or tell me no. This is what I keep reminding myself when I think about telling them im leaving to go over there for 6 months.
Maybe suggest if you guys can afford to or save up, for someone to go with you?

**rubydissolution** · November 29, 2011, 02:52 PM

Is there no way he can come see you first? My parents while still nervous, were more relaxed after they met my SO before i went to see him. In fact they have no issues anymore with me going out to Oregon to be with him. Meeting the boyfriend has a way of putting a parent at ease and i think in LDRs cases even more so. They don't know this person, they've had little to no contact with them. With all the bad publicity dating online has (child molesters, sexual predators) I can't really blame them. Just a thought, see if he can come to you first even if its only for a weekend to meet your family.

**CynicalQuixotic** · November 29, 2011, 03:51 PM

Originally posted by lucybelle View Post

I agree with this. It sort of irritates me when people say "if you're 18 you can do whatever you want". No. When you're self-sufficient and living on your own, then you can do whatever you want. As long as you're living in someone else's house you follow their rules. I think having your parents skype with your SO and his family will help.

Fair enough, but I do think it's sort of fascist for parents to uphold the "my house, my rules" principle to adult children when it comes to doing things that have no effect on the family. She has her own money to travel and is an adult. You can only hold your values over your children for so long before it becomes infantilizing.

But, I do understand that reality doesn't always work that way and if your parents threaten to cut you off if you don't do things their way, OP, however childish that is, it's in your best interests to play by their rules. I sympathize, but as I've said in similar threads, I have little patience for authoritarian parent-child power plays.

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How did you convince your parents to let you go?

How did you convince your parents to let you go?

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