How did you convince your parents to let you go?

[LilyChiba]

To be honest, it really doesn't matter in what situation you are in. I have been living away from home and independent since I was 19. I'm 24 now and my mum still wouldn't let me go to him first. Biggest difference though, is that she will be paying for the ticket. That said, she goes back on her word a lot in that regard. She has said she would pay for my ticket to go there when I was working to get a green card, but when that didn't work out, she wanted him to come here first. What she fails to grasp is that he can only come here for 2 weeks, whereas I could go for any length of time (which would look better on a fiance visa). She's only just entered her own first LDR, so she's now starting to see the shit I have to deal with. Albeit her's is in the same country, but yeah. I'm saving up anyhow now, so I'm not relying on her as much. I do indeed hold a bit of resentment toward my mother for the money she has right now (if dad had never passed away, she would have never sold our family home and got 588k to piss down the drain on herself). She didn't wisely use most of it and complains when she is spending too much on certain things, yet won't do what it takes to stop that from happening. Quick back history, she hasn't really worked much over the last 25 years. Yup. She used my dad to sit on her ass.

All that aside, if you're 20 and earning your own income, you should be able to do whatever you want despite being under her roof. You may be her little child, but at the same time, its not like you are stupid enough to make a bad decision and even if it does turn out to be a mistake, you can walk away.

[Bethypoo]

It is true. Their house, their rules. But why dont you pay for him to come to you. He can stay at a hotel in the area. And if that doesnt work, maybe have your parents talk. Sometimes that helps. I mean, they cant stop you from going. It isnt like he is staying at their house. My SO cant stay overnight at my house but we will go and stay at a hotel for special occasions. My dad hates it, but he isnt paying for it and it isnt happening in his house.

But try the parents talking thing. Maybe that will put them at ease a bit.

[Engel]

First time we met, was both of us going elsewhere. Im from Brazilm and he from Germany, and we met in Switzrland, where my family lives, one hour ans a half away from him.


That way, I was with my aunt and godmother (she is my mothers sister), and she really cares about me. So my mothers mind was at ease. And he wasnt that far, so we were lucky to be able to meet like that.

I dont think my mother would ever let me go meet someone I never saw in person, if the first time was me going to the person, while I still lived with her.

Now, even though she helps me out financially, I live far away from her and she knows and trusts me and my judgment of people, and knows Im mature enough for that.

But I was 20, same as you, when I met him in person, and still lived with my mother. at that time, If it wasnt for me having my family there, so it made things easier, he would need to come see me first. Or we would only meet if my mother was with me on a trip to Germany. never alone. And I would have to obbey.

I know it sucks, but I guess the parents talking is the best option. when he went to my aunts house to meet me, she interviewed him, got his mothers adress, phone number, etc. it eased her mind, and she really liked him. she really likes him til today, and is really happy about me being with him.


Maybe both your parents will realize how you are both good people and be more at ease after talking to each other.

[Engel]

Fair enough, but I do think it's sort of fascist for parents to uphold the "my house, my rules" principle to adult children when it comes to doing things that have no effect on the family. She has her own money to travel and is an adult. You can only hold your values over your children for so long before it becomes infantilizing.

But, I do understand that reality doesn't always work that way and if your parents threaten to cut you off if you don't do things their way, OP, however childish that is, it's in your best interests to play by their rules. I sympathize, but as I've said in similar threads, I have little patience for authoritarian parent-child power plays.

I think its more about them being worried she wouldnt return and be killed off by a pshyco.
at leats is what my family would worry if i told them i was going all alone to another place see someone i only talked online, and that has expressed interest in me.

[DemonxOisin]

With me, my parents seemed to like Miguel from the little they knew about him, and they knew I wanted to see him. My mom though, was uncomfortable with me going to stay with a "strange man" before she had even met him. At the time, I was in the same position as you, making money while he was a broke university kid. So, I paid for his flight to come visit ME. That way, mom is happy, and we got to meet We have an understanding that when things change, and he´s working while I´m in school, he will find a way to pay me back.

[CynicalQuixotic]

I think its more about them being worried she wouldnt return and be killed off by a pshyco.
at leats is what my family would worry if i told them i was going all alone to another place see someone i only talked online, and that has expressed interest in me.

Oh, no, I totally understand why her mother would fear that. What I'm saying is that there's a difference between telling your adult child "Honey, I'm concerned about you visiting someone you've never met in person" and having a conversation about it and "I forbid you to go because you live with me and you have to follow my rules." This, to me, is not the way a parent should treat their adult child.

[Engel]

Oh, no, I totally understand why her mother would fear that. What I'm saying is that there's a difference between telling your adult child "Honey, I'm concerned about you visiting someone you've never met in person" and having a conversation about it and "I forbid you to go because you live with me and you have to follow my rules." This, to me, is not the way a parent should treat their adult child.

I understand, I think it gets an age parents cant go around having a say in every aspect of the childrens life.
If it is house rules, ok, but what happens outside their home, is not that much of their business. sure they can give advice when it is needed, but go around forbidding things isnt the solution. it only makes people be cleaver on how to hide what their parents dont allow.

I see it from here, noone gives up their LDR their parents wont approve because of that, they just hide it better.

[Lumos]

I had my mom come with me to meet my boyfriend for the first time. We all flew out to California to meet up at Disneyland I don't know why we didn't just have him come here; the thought didn't even occur to me. I guess I just wanted an excuse to go to Disneyland My mom loves Disneyland too, so that didn't hurt.

Once your parents meet your boyfriend in person, they'll know he's real and be okay with you spending time with him alone. My parents let him stay with us when he visits and have no problem letting me visit him by myself (as long as we pay for the tickets).

[BlueCat]

For me it was a little strange. I had told my mum about my SO a few months earlier, and my SO and I had been talking about him coming to visit me. One day I mentioned it to my mum, asking if it would be ok for him to. She was very reserved about it, but she simply agreed to it. I think she could simply tell that it was important to me and I was serious about the whole thing. I don't really think it's a matter of convincing, as that makes it sound like a childish request that you have to have good reasons for. This is something serious that means a lot to you both, and if you simply bring it up in that manner, saying that one of you is going to visit the other, then I can't really see a reason for them to say no except for the sake of saying no. Especially if, you're going to stick with the relationship even if you can't visit so you're eventually going to visit each other at some point anyway, so it's either sooner or later.

[SDPersona]

Oh, no, I totally understand why her mother would fear that. What I'm saying is that there's a difference between telling your adult child "Honey, I'm concerned about you visiting someone you've never met in person" and having a conversation about it and "I forbid you to go because you live with me and you have to follow my rules." This, to me, is not the way a parent should treat their adult child.

I understand, I think it gets an age parents cant go around having a say in every aspect of the childrens life.
If it is house rules, ok, but what happens outside their home, is not that much of their business. sure they can give advice when it is needed, but go around forbidding things isnt the solution. it only makes people be cleaver on how to hide what their parents dont allow.

I see it from here, noone gives up their LDR their parents wont approve because of that, they just hide it better.

Agreed! It's certainly not easy on the ADULT child when the parents keep acting in totalitarian ways and let's not forget that it also isn't easy for the parents to let their child be the aduld. The way I see it, the parents need to learn to rein their horses in and the child needs to act, behave and be an adult. That's not easy when the adult child has to live in the parents' house. My parents and me both struggle with it, but we're working on it. They can count on me to still do the house chores and babysitting duties when the want couple-time and I can count on them to treat me like an adult and leave me to handle my own affairs MY way. Most of the time it works...

[Dar917]

I just told my mom I'm going to visit a friend, another one I met online and we've known each other a few years, and he lives with his mom too and there's an extra room for me. I'll probably wait till I get back to tell her he's my boyfriend.
But I've done crazier things (like driving all the way to New Orleans on my own and living there for five weeks!).