Continuing from High School

[MisfitLove]

So my SO and I are both going to be seniors in the fall. Of course, we're looking at colleges and whatnot, and I already have quite a few in mind plus I know my major. However, my parents have expressed that they don't want us going to the same college because I will be "missing out on the college experience", whatever that means. He wants to go where I go, and obviously my parents can't tell him what to do. However, I don't want them to get mad if we end up going to the same college. Also, what if we don't get into the same colleges? I really want to close the distance in college and am afraid of the extra challenges being a college student will bring. Any tips here, or advice at all for us?

[Haley53]

Don't choose your college based around your SO. That is the biggest piece of advice I can give you. Even where it doesn't end in heartbreak, it often ends up straining the relationship due to the resentment of sacrificing, say, a college that would be what's best for your major for the sake of your SO and relationship. If your relationship is meant to work out, it's going to work out without any huge sacrifices such as your choice of college; if going to the same college is the make or break it point for the relationship, then you have to wonder about the strength of the relationship, right? If it happens that you both get to go to the same college, great, but my biggest piece of advice is choose a college based on where YOU want to go and what's best for YOUR major, not based on whether or not your SO gets into the same one. There are plenty of people who do college LDRs and make it through even stronger than they went in.

[MisfitLove]

I mean, I am trying to look for colleges for me and he's determined to go where I go, but I know we can last if we don't go to the same college. It'll just suck not being restrained by parents and being underage and yet still not living together, you know?

[Haley53]

Yes, but while it seems like a lifetime the younger you are, college only extends for, what, 4 years? Maybe more if you pursue grad school. But it's such a small portion of your life compared to the rest of it that if you can't live together, you're still going to have that chance. Besides, you'll still be able to visit one another without having the restrictions of parents. It's not the ideal situation, no, but it's something. My opinion is not to worry about it until it happens. You won't start receiving acceptances until when? Next spring? So it doesn't do much good to fret about it all now. :/

[MisfitLove]

I do plan to attend grad school, but I already found the perfect one for me which happens to be twenty minutes from where he lives. I guess once you put it into perspective, four years isn't so bad when you have so many after. At least college breaks are longer than the ones I have now, right? :P

[lyonsgirl]

I have to agree with Eclaire. I'm really glad I didn't follow my bf to college-it was very limited in majors. We went LD because of it, and it ended up not working out. (it was for the best.) I picked a bigger school because I knew that it was a possibility that I would decide to switch my major. Unless this is something you have been wanting to do since you can remember, I think it would be a good idea to take that into consideration as well. For example, when I was a junior in high school, I started looking at liberal arts colleges. I wanted to teach English. I ended up at a large university that focuses on engineering and technology. Good thing, too, since I got my degree in technology!

He needs to take all those things into consideration too. This is, after all, one of the biggest decisions you will make. In today's job market, a college degree is basically required for almost any job. Go to a school that you think you will like-and it will make getting that degree a lot more fun.

Best of luck to you!

[11MikesGirl21]

By college experience, your parents are probably talking about freedom in a sense. Freedom to figure out who you are as a person without someone else to "worry" about; being out on your own and taking care of yourself. With your SO with you, that can tend not to happen. Speaking from my own experience. Having had both I feel like I have grown more into myself while I have been at college without my SO than I would have if we had stayed going to the same place.

And i have to agree, choose the school that's right for you. Pick the one with the perfect size, perfect program, perfect atomosphere, perfect opportunities, for YOU. I think your education is a place in a relationship where you are "allowed" to be a little selfish. You BOTH have to be a little selfish in this situation. You shouldn't and you really can't limit your potential for the sake of your SO. It just will not work out in the best way it possibly could unless you do that.

[dukes2011]

When it comes to a major decision like education, go with what you want to do. If you choose a college based on a SO, you may resent it. It's easier said than done but try to look at it as though your SO isn't in the picture. It was one of the hardest things I've done, but I chose a grad school in New York because it was the best program. It was the farthest one from my SO and family and it hasn't always been easy, but if it's meant to be you'll find a way to make it all work out.

[Sora1101]

I know how you feel, I had given up the idea of going to college so that I could move to him after I graduated a couple months ago but I was awarded a full ride scholarship to a community college and the opportunity was too good to pass up so here I am committed to another 2 years of LD. I know it's going to be hard, we had even started looking at houses together before it was ripped away, but education is important and in this economy I just couldn't pass up free education. ):

But maybe you'll be lucky and find a great school for your major near your SO, I also think you should convince your SO not to strictly follow you but look for a school where he feels like he can excel as well, otherwise he'll grow to resent you. I know it'll be tough if you end up being LD but just think of it this way, the time in college is where most people really start maturing so by time you can be together he'll have a lot of important basics skills for living with a "roommate" and cooking and cleaning too. It'll be best that each of you take this time to figure out what you really want in life.

[MisfitLove]

I've told him that he should do what's best for him, and I at least I know whatever happens we'll make it through. I mean, this first year of long distance has flown by, so I guess another 4 wouldn't be impossible...if we don't go to the same school, I'm sure we'll at least end up closer to each other as far as distance goes.

[floridaellen]

I go to college in Florida and my boyfriend (my high school sweetheart) lives and works in New Jersey. For my whole life I wanted to go to college in Florida. It was my dream. My boyfriend wanted me to be able to live that dream. At first he was going to move down with me but because of extenuating circumstances (a short breakup and money) he stayed in Jersey. It has been the best decision for us. He gets to live in an area he loves; he has an excellent job considering his minimial education; he is near our families. I still get to go to my dream college and have learned how to really be independent. I would say that being long distance during college has actually strengthened our relationship. We do live together during breaks though which is nice.

I would not choose a college based on my significant other. A college should be the right fit for you. I could understand picking a general region of the US (northeast, southeast, ect) to both look so you aren't that far from each other though. I only looked at schools in the southeast and I turned out fine :P

[sabrinavo]

I'm in the same situation as you. Seniors, college, parents, etc. I would say to find your perfect college. If it happens to be near your SO that great for you. I'm applying to the University of Edinburgh because of my connections within the school. It's just coincidence that my SO lives there. So it's just a little bonus.

[WakeUpSusie]

My SO (high school sweetheart!) and I went to different universities that were about seven hours apart from each other. We stayed together for all four years with no major issues and are now graduated, engaged, and living together. We're getting married in December.

Going away to college was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Definitely choose where YOU want to go and don't base it on his choices. That is critically important. Depending on the couple, college LDRs can work out just fine. I think I am a shining example of that haha.

[KatieLynn]

My boyfriend and I lived in the same town for 2 years, and have now been apart for a year. He graduated from highschool 2 years before me, and became a firefighter over going off to college. Once I graduated, I knew I was going to go to college. I looked at schools in Georgia, where he still lives, and none of them really felt perfect for me. I am now at the University of Nebraska and absolutely love it. The thing is, even if you are apart and you feel as though you are missing your other half, if you make the decision to go to the perfect school for you, it will make up for itself. You will find things that you want to be involved in, different clubs, sports and in my case, a sorority on campus. All of those things have come together and created a way for me to keep my relationship in tact, but still love where I am. I am busy most of the time, and because of that, have kept my mind off of the fact that yes, my boyfriend lives in southern Georgia, and that I will only get to see him every 5 months or so. I have made the best friends, I have become involved, and I do not regret my decision! If the relationship is meant to work, it will! Best of luck!!