Advice is Totally Needed! Other Girl in the Picture?

[ams.201220]

Hello all! I'm in my first year of college and things have been going great for the past four months with my SO! In our second month of being together, he mentioned that his friend (the other girl) was coming down to visit, and I got really jealous about it. But we talked about it and he reassured me that there was nothing ever between them or going to be between them. So that calmed me down, and he never mentioned her again until this week, more specifically, yesterday.

He just said that they were talking again. I didn't think anything of it, until today when he said "Lol I love talking to Chloey" And then I just asked what she said, and he said they were talking about sexual things. And that's what totally ticked me off. But instead of losing it at the first chance I got, I answered back with the famous "k". And then he said "I like talking to her cuz I can be perverted to her and she doesn't care cuz she's the same. We're outlets for each other."

I'm totally angry and he's just stupid. Please let me know if I'm just off my rocker, because that does happen a lot. Also, advice would be much appreciated.

**Oh! And if you're wondering if we have a rocky relationship, we really don't. We're extremely solid, but I honestly can't believe he just did that.

Thanks you guys!!!

[Verojoon]

I'm not sure anyone can really give you advice on this... all we can do is go by the tone of your post... but you know the relationship better than us!

From the tone of your post, it seems that in your relationship, you consider it disrespectful that he is talking to other girls about perverted things (I would feel the same way, but I have friends whom it wouldn't bother...) Whether you think there is more, it sounds (again from the tone of your post) that you trust him and are doubting him because you feel that from the outside it looks bad?

See, in my relationship, my SO saying this would be serious cause of concern... because he is totally not a flirt (well other than with me) and can't even be bothered talking to other girls unless it's for work or they are family... It's not because I have control over him or because he is more devoted than other guys, but just his personality... But other boys I have dated were totally the type to have these types of conversations with other girls, and though it annoyed me a little, it didn't break my trust in them...

The main thing is that if it bothers you, talk about it. Let him know. Sounds like you are good at not freaking out and bringing something to the table in a calm manner, so I would do that if I were you.

I can be a bit of a flirt myself, and maybe even the type to have these types of conversation with a guy friend with absolutely no thoughts of cheating... (not sexy talk or flirting pervert talk, you know what I mean? like talking about sex but definitely not about sex with each other) but now I don't do it at all, and don't purposely flirt with other boys anymore... why? Because my SO expressed it bugged him and I respect him and love him and this type of talk wasn't something I felt I just had to do or I would miss if I didn't do... I just do it all with him now! (or with girlfriends) Problem solved!

Hopefully you two can come to an understanding that fir both your needs and makes you feel both respected.

[Sora1101]

I'm with you on this. I'd be totally hurt and pissed if my SO was talking about sex one on one with another girl. I wouldn't mind if it came up in a group or whatever but there's definite intimacy going on when it's one on one in my opinion. If he really wants to vent sexual frustrations or anything like that why does he go to her? Are either of you uncomfortable talking about sex together? If not I see no reason why he would be discussing personal information like that with another girl.

[ams.201220]

I'm not sure anyone can really give you advice on this... all we can do is go by the tone of your post... but you know the relationship better than us!

From the tone of your post, it seems that in your relationship, you consider it disrespectful that he is talking to other girls about perverted things (I would feel the same way, but I have friends whom it wouldn't bother...) Whether you think there is more, it sounds (again from the tone of your post) that you trust him and are doubting him because you feel that from the outside it looks bad?

See, in my relationship, my SO saying this would be serious cause of concern... because he is totally not a flirt (well other than with me) and can't even be bothered talking to other girls unless it's for work or they are family... It's not because I have control over him or because he is more devoted than other guys, but just his personality... But other boys I have dated were totally the type to have these types of conversations with other girls, and though it annoyed me a little, it didn't break my trust in them...

The main thing is that if it bothers you, talk about it. Let him know. Sounds like you are good at not freaking out and bringing something to the table in a calm manner, so I would do that if I were you.

I can be a bit of a flirt myself, and maybe even the type to have these types of conversation with a guy friend with absolutely no thoughts of cheating... (not sexy talk or flirting pervert talk, you know what I mean? like talking about sex but definitely not about sex with each other) but now I don't do it at all, and don't purposely flirt with other boys anymore... why? Because my SO expressed it bugged him and I respect him and love him and this type of talk wasn't something I felt I just had to do or I would miss if I didn't do... I just do it all with him now! (or with girlfriends) Problem solved!

Hopefully you two can come to an understanding that fir both your needs and makes you feel both respected.

I mean, we're probably going to talk it out, since that's what we do. But I feel like he needs to have some common sense to know that he's crossing dangerous waters. But thank you so much for your advice! It's really great to hear what others have to say on the topic!

[ams.201220]

I'm with you on this. I'd be totally hurt and pissed if my SO was talking about sex one on one with another girl. I wouldn't mind if it came up in a group or whatever but there's definite intimacy going on when it's one on one in my opinion. If he really wants to vent sexual frustrations or anything like that why does he go to her? Are either of you uncomfortable talking about sex together? If not I see no reason why he would be discussing personal information like that with another girl.

That's what I felt like. And she talks to him about being single and stuff like that. That should be like a red flag! And he recommended that she should find a "friends with benefits" type of person. And when I asked him why he didn't do it, his first response was that she didn't want him, not the other way around. So I feel like I'm just a girlfriend in name.

[Sora1101]

That's what I felt like. And she talks to him about being single and stuff like that. That should be like a red flag! And he recommended that she should find a "friends with benefits" type of person. And when I asked him why he didn't do it, his first response was that she didn't want him, not the other way around. So I feel like I'm just a girlfriend in name.

that's definitely hurtful when you do talk it out with him make sure you bring up how that makes you feel, try putting it in reverse like saying "how would you feel if I said that about another guy?" some guys don't see the harm until they think about how they would feel if you said stuff like that to them.

[D.4C]

i agree with what verojoon said...for me..with how i feel about my girlfriend..and where we are at...i don't even feel the need to flirt with another woman...just have no need for it...how would i feel if she was doing it?..i'd have to say i would be uncomfortable i guess...depending on the level of the sex talk...not that i don't trust her..cuz i totally do...i just know i wouldn't really like it if it was to a point that made me feel like i wasn't enough for her...

[ams.201220]

Sora1101 - We talked it out and everything's good again! I was misunderstanding him, and he apologized, saying he should've explained it better. It also worked in our favor, because I realized that I'd prefer him telling me he's talking to that girl, rather than him having to keep it a secret from me. But we argue a lot, so this isn't going to be the biggest thing we ever encounter, it was just a bump in the road. But thank you so much for your advice!

D.4C - Yeah, I know what you mean! Austin (SO) and I both agreed that we don't even find other people as attractive as we find each other. And I honestly think that comes with the territory when you enter a committed relationship. But that's exactly how I felt! I felt that I'd rather have him tell me if I wasn't totally satisfying him, than have him go and get it from another girl. But we sorted it out, and it turns out that it was just a misunderstanding! He was just joking, but he made it sound as if he was getting off from being with her. Which he wasn't, thank goodness! Thank you so much for your comments!