Intellectual conversations Whats wrong with me?

[Sharon Q]

My So and I have been together for four years now. One issue we have never really cleared up ( because frankly we don't know how...er I dont anyway )
Is having intellectual conversations.

Now let me be clear, I've never been good with conversation ingeneral anyway. I tend to be sort of boring.

My boyfriend is very intellegent. He was in advanced classes even in high school, maintained a 4.0 in his college courses until the stress got to him and he didnt have proper documentation for one of his classes.

The issue we have is that I can not seem to for the life of me have an intellectual conversation with this man, ( on my part not his )
He longs for intellectual conversation with me, which is something I can not seem to provide. Yet I am able to do so with other people, just not my SO.

And its not the male to female thing either I tend to get into debates with one of my male friends online ( whom I knew from highschool ) all the time.

Just when it comes to me and my SO I can't do so. Its a real issue, because I don't want to be the boring girlfriend and then him find someone he better relates to on an intellectual level with.

Its not like I havent tried, Over winter break when I last saw him for two weeks we sat up one night on the last week and we had an actual intellectual conversation,
Then as soon as I realized I was doing so I shut down and went inside my shell imeditly.

I don't know why. I don't know whats wrong with me.

But when it comes to having an intellectual conversation with him I shut down.

I know he is smarter than I am, He knows more, has studied more, I was in special education classes. Mainly just for math tho, And don't get me wrong he NEVER treats me like I'm stupid ever. He is very understanding about my weak spots in my education and has even offered his assistance.

I just... I'm open with him on every level but this one and I'm not sure why. If I can have debates and intellectual conversations with other people, Why can I not do so with the man I love, the man who understands and respects me better than anyone?

I just dont get whats wrong with me?

[Haley53]

Well it might depend on what's meant by intellectual conversation? For example, my SO and I can debate psychology because though I'm being trained in psychology, it's something he's good at. If he doesn't understand a concept or a psych term, I can explain it and he grasps it quite easily. However, we can't have the same conversation about, say, politics, not only because neither one of us are very political but because I'm even less political than he is.

So I guess my question would be what do you mean by intellectual conversation? I think it's possible to have one with anybody. I simply think you need to find something you both have a background in, something that you can both interpret in a way that would open up for discussion. The other potential problem is even if he does not compare the both of you and your levels of intelligence, it sounds as though you feel inferior, at least in some ways, in comparison (at least that's how it comes off in your thread), and that could be a part of why it's hard for you to open up and really throw out some debatable input. Looking at it like he's schooled and you took special ed for a couple classes is not going to be the motivator that gets you to open up.

The place I would start is finding some common ground, or even reading a book of shared interest together and discussing that. That would give you something concrete to utilise to your advantage.

[XxFranticLovexX]

I agree with Eclaire.
It sounds like you feel intimidated by his intelligence and are afraid to have any form of intelligent discussion with him. What's the worst thing that can happen, that you'll be wrong? That's not really a bad fate for trying to talk about something thoroughly, IMO. If you are wrong he can let you know how and why and you may even learn something about the subject in the process. Just because he is an intelligent man doesn't mean that he knows everything. You could also know something that he doesn't and teach him something along the way as well. People are continuously learning, it only stops when you're dead. Just find something that you are knowledgeable in and run with it. Everyone has something to bring to the table. It doesn't matter if he is making you feel inferior or not if you are doing so to yourself.

One of my favorite quotes goes something like this, "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid". I think that stands very true for situations like this as well. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses in everything, intelligence included. Stop making yourself feel inferior and bring something to the conversation that you're good at. <3