I've become so numb...Sorry Linkin Park this is a little different.

[crystaldragonix]

Hey Yall,

So a little backstory. I've been in this LDR for about 6 years now because of school. But looking back I've had it really good, more like an SDR (short distance relationship). We went to different undergrad colleges and he was only 30mins away, our schedules only allowed twice a month visits if that.

Now heres the current story. I'm in grad school now (4 year program) and I'm 3 hours and 20 mins away. I haven't seen my love in OVER 9 weeks, almost 2 months and I freakin out of my mind. Except here is the problem: I'm not jumping up and down screamin freakin out...its the "I'm too busy studying oh wait stop to think HOLY SH#T we haven't talked in 2 days" freakin out. I've moved past that "I miss u I miss u I long for you" phase, to "I have my own lonely life here and there is nothing I can do about it now so I guess I'll just sit here feeling..numb." Its like a dry feeling, like you haven't had sex in over 5 months (which is sickening but thats another story for another day) so your emotional attachment to him isn't as strong. You haven't talked to him for long and if you do its "hi bye" so you don't know whats REALLY going on in his life to miss him. Its like you block the missing feeling so you won't feel sad and lonely but then I'm scared that I'm not in love anymore and then I feel like crap when we are on the phone because I can't see him until thanksgiving break.

I want to know for those who haven't seen their boo for more than a month do you ever feel this? And if so, is this normal or is there another feeling you have? Is there a different feeling between the "I haven't seen him in 1 week" versus "I haven't seen him in 9 weeks" feeling?

Hope that makes sense, its hard to describe. Thanks

[Haley53]

I see my SO on our school holidays, so that's summer and spring. Spring to summer isn't too bad because it's only 3 months or so, but summer to spring is around 6 months. I occasionally feel a disconnect between "I have my life here" and "I have to leave it (including work) to go there" and lapse into numbness. Other times I'm simply dealing with it because, well, because I have to. Sure, there are some days it's harder than others, but for the most part, I choose not to dwell on the feelings of "I love you I love you I long for you" (as you put them) because that's not going to get me through the relationship. Being patient, however hellish that might be, is what's going to get me through it and so I simply try to stay focused. I also have to say that I'm so busy these days that I hardly have time to miss him for too long! Between work, school, and exercise, I'm constantly running around and so it's a distraction from sitting alone and being reminded of the fact that I'm alone. My guess would be that eventually you simply get used to the feeling and so you stop feeling it as aggressively as you did in the beginning. The first week will always be hard, but the mind has to settle back into routine sometimes. It's only adaptive. My guess would be that that's where you're at, rather than you're no longer in love.

[Zephii]

Your writing style is interesting, I could totally hear you saying it... and possibly flailing your arms at the same time.

I honestly don't understand why you can't manage a visit a bit more frequently, because my sister and I used to live a similar amount away, and still managed to see each other more than once a month. Though, maybe your public transport system is a bit lame?

That's not what you asked but.

I guess it was different for us, because we started out online and throughout the relationship we've either been in different countries or living together, there's no middle ground! When we were apart we knew it would be for months at a time. That's just how it was, so we were prepared for that. I think honestly, it'd have been more frusterating to be close enough to visit and still not manage to do so.

I know when I was with him in Canada, I found it much easier to deal with missing my family if I had nearly no contact with them. Out of sight out of mind kinda thing. So maybe what you're going through is like that? Plus, you're super busy - we only have so much energy to use in a day, and when you "know" they'll still be there tomorrow, it can be hard not to slack off.

Have you thought about speaking to someone about time management to learn some extra tips? It could pay off.

[Sora1101]

I usually have to go around a year before I can see my SO so yes I definitely get this way. Sometimes it's more prevalent than others, totally normal. The way I look at it is it's your body's defense mechanism, you don't want to feel pain so you feel numb instead. It'll go away after awhile just power through it and keep busy.

[dglynn77]

I know when I was with him in Canada, I found it much easier to deal with missing my family if I had nearly no contact with them. Out of sight out of mind kinda thing.

I do this! It really does make missing my family less intense, but then when my mom was in the hospital I had the biggest guilt trip over not contacting her more! :/ There is just no easy way to do this!

[Lumos]

Couldn't you talk to each other more often? I don't feel disconnected from my SO because I still feel like I'm a part of his life when we're apart. We make time for each other, even if it's just studying quietly together on skype.

[Sharon Q]

lol hon I'm sorry most of us don't even get that time span, you are lucky. I havent seen my guy in over 7.5 months since winter break and he is planning to move here to close the distance tomorrow. I'm very excited.

We all know what you're dealing with.

Yes their is a difference between " we havent seen one another in a week " compaired to " we havent seen each other in 9 weeks or more. " type of feeling, at least for me.

It can be hard to adjust to especially if you are not used to it. But give it some time, you will get used to it, It will be okay.

Try to stay positive, skype, texting, emails and even an occasional letter personal snail mail helps. In this day and age a there are a lot of ways to comunicate.

If you guys are always busy try sending him a video email, ya know just an email with a video of you talking to him. My SO and I did that when our web cams went out, It was nice and way more personal, he really seemed happier with that than with just a regular email or text.

Those are just some things you can try to help. and just remember to keep your head up. stay positive

[alittlemind]

I haven't seen my boyfriend in a little over 2 months. I guess after a while it is kind of a numb feeling. We talk nearly every night on the phone (and if we don't there are a few facebook messages those days). In the past (at CD) I would've freaked out. Going 24 hours sometimes without talking to him would've driven me crazy, but not so much anymore. A lot of the time I think it's harder at first, then you just fall into this state where you realize you can't do anything to change it, so you avoid it and feel, well, numb. It's more comfortable when you don't think about how hurtful the distance can be, I guess. At this point, though, I'm actually frustrated. I keep thinking "It's been long enough already!", even if I am going to visit him in just under 2 weeks, it can't come fast enough! I'm not numb anymore, I'm just impatient, and really short tempered lately. I wonder if a lot of people in long distance relationships feel frustrated with the distance, it seems to some people it might be.

[jleec24]

All the time. Though my SO and I have still got a long way to go until we see each other, I think we both feel the same way. We bicker over the most pointless things and when we first transitioned into an LDR my SO was very difficult to talk to and would get really short tempered when the subject of how much the distance sucks was brought up. A little later on we had a talk and she told me that it's just the distance, it's really hard to be away from each other and she's just trying so hard to be okay and just not think about it and ignore it and pretend like she's okay, even though she's not. It gets better after time. You get used to the distance and it isn't so much about the distance but what you make of it and how you handle it. Focus less on the distance and more on becoming a better couple whilst apart. What helped my SO and I was the constant reminder that a relationship is a two way thing, the distance sucks for the both of us but we're both in it and we're both trying to make the time go by as painless as possible.