Help! His college or one for myself?

[Renee.ann0011]

I am currently a high school senior, I starting dating my babe last year when he was in high school too. Today he is 260 miles away at college and I see him one weekend a month (if I'm lucky) it's hard for him to come home because of cost and distance and due to over protective parents I can't visit him.
So here is my problem. I have started my college searching and in it I have looked into his school. I am a volleyball player so looking for a school that I can play at is a big importance. Truthfully my acidemics are at a much higher standard than his school bitching can play volleyball there. The price is right, and due to the fact that I am an undesided major I don't wanna spend to much on school. I don't know of I should chose the school he is at or not. It's hard for me to see if it's really a good school for me or if I just want be with him. I'm crazy in love with this man and can truthfully see myself marring him one day. However what happens if it doesn't work out and I chose the wrong school because of him??
Soo lost help please

[jleec24]

That is always one of the biggest issues, what if it doesn't work out. When approaching these problems you must always consider what is better for you because these are huge life decisions! This is for four years and could effect the rest of your life. They must be for you! You should do what's best for you and your life and if you and your SO want to then you just merely cope with it and find a way to make it work regardless of distance.

I had a friend who moved into an entirely different country to attend the same university as her boyfriend. Not long after they broke up and she realized she couldn't find her footing in the university without her boyfriend because the reason she moved there to begin with was for him. So when that went away so did a lot of other things and she had a hard time managing as all their friends were mutual and she would still see him regularly and it was hard for her to do, she was just so unhappy. I suggest you refrain from getting yourself into these situations!

[Tooki]

Ask yourself this: Would you go to the school if you weren't with your SO?

If yes, then definitely look into going there. If not, don't do it.

[Sora1101]

Boyfriends come and go, education is forever.

Look into his school, if you like what you see purely based on academics and volleyball then go for it. If you don't like it look somewhere else, is there another college close to his that you could look into as well?

[kittyo9]

I aaaaaaaaalways recommend taking your SO out of the equation when you start looking at schools. Choose somewhere you want to go, regardless of the location of your SO. Your education will not wait for you-- it is something you're doing now. Your SO, on the other hand, will (or should, if the relationship is as important to him as it is to you). If you do find a school near your SO, all the better! But remember that this is not the time to be thinking "where are we going" but rather "where am I going."

I actually have a somewhat related recent anecdote to go along with this. One of my friends from high school met a girl at the school he was attending for college and has been with her for 3 years now. They both graduated in biochemistry and applied to graduate school... except the girlfriend didn't get in, whereas my friend got into several schools. He really, really wanted to go to Florida, but the girlfriend insisted on staying in Boston, with or without him. Despite that she had no job or school to go to and could totally have moved to Florida with him, he felt like being with her was priority, so he ended up staying in Boston and going to his lesser choice, and he constantly feels like Florida would have been a better for him.

[Renee.ann0011]

His college is somewhat in the middle of no where so if i went anywhere but his school we would be in a ldr again... and its so hard on us. Dispite the fact that it has brought us closer together, he has told me his school is where he wants me. Knowing how I am any smaller school where i am playing volleyball at i will be more than happy at but this is absolutly eating away at me. When he picked his school we where so young in our relationship I wasnt a factor but now he is asking me to factor in him and I dont feel it to be totally fair. However I know love like this doesnt come around everyday and i would be a total idiot to give this guy up. Hes my very best friend and I sure as heck dont wanna lose him.
Im so terrible at making choices and big ones like this... Im just at a total loss.

[Tooki]

I'll ask again, would you go to the school if you didn't have your SO. Ignore him while you think about it.

[Haley53]

Ask yourself this: Would you go to the school if you weren't with your SO?

If yes, then definitely look into going there. If not, don't do it.

Another good question to ask is, if you and your SO broke-up during your first year there, would you still be happy at his school?

I wouldn't worry about cost too much currently (I mean don't go for the most Elite private school) and focus on finding a school that has a good volleyball team and a good academic reputation overall versus a great academic reputation in one or two fields. Stanford, for example, is pretty well known for psychology and I associate Harvard with law, but there are plenty of other UCs (and I would guess in your state as well) that have a pretty good standing in the rank order, even if they don't have an academic reputation that immediately comes to mind when you say its name. A lot of people aren't sure what they want to study when they go to college. That's a part of what exploring with a variety of classes and GEs are for!

ETA: Also, school doesn't make or break relationships. My SO is getting his leaving cert (he dropped out originally to take care of his mother/the family) and is going to be doing a higher education program for 2+ years starting next year. This sets our closing the distance plans back, but we're making it work because we're committed. LDRs should not come at the cost of sacrificing your own autonomy or your own life choices/goals. If this relationship is only going to work because you go to his school, then it's doomed to fail to begin with. If he's really the guy you're going to marry, you guys will get married whether you go to his school or don't, because marriage requires even more commitment and upkeep than a LDR.

[Tooki]

^^^

That as well. Don't settle for a school close to your SO just because it's closer. There is no point in going to a school that you end up not liking, just to be with your SO.

[Renee.ann0011]

i havent visited the school yet but if i can play volleyball there yes, i dont see why not. accept for the fact that i am a bit "smarter" than the school i guess you could say. (not to sound rude)

[Tooki]

i havent visited the school yet but if i can play volleyball there yes, i dont see why not. accept for the fact that i am a bit "smarter" than the school i guess you could say. (not to sound rude)

All good. Just don't factor your SO into your decision. Think about your future as well when you do this.

[Haley53]

All good. Just don't factor your SO into your decision. Think about your future as well when you do this.

I agree. I also urge you to consider what no one is really great at at 17/18 and that's think ahead. You may not care right now that the school does not fulfill you academically at your level, but when you actually figure out what your focus is going to be, you might start caring a little bit more about the quality of the teaching and the courses versus just how good the volleyball team is and whether or not your SO is there.

[Tooki]

I agree. I also urge you to consider what no one is really great at at 17/18 and that's think ahead. You may not care right now that the school does not fulfill you academically at your level, but when you actually figure out what your focus is going to be, you might start caring a little bit more about the quality of the teaching and the courses versus just how good the volleyball team is and whether or not your SO is there.

This. Unless a school is offering you a free degree or any worthwhile subsidies, I wouldn't chose a school for it's volleyball program. You are at school to learn, not to play volleyball.

[Sora1101]

i havent visited the school yet but if i can play volleyball there yes, i dont see why not. accept for the fact that i am a bit "smarter" than the school i guess you could say. (not to sound rude)

Then it all depends on whether or not you want to be challenged at school. Do you want an easy A? His school might be what you're looking for, if you want to challenge yourself and strive to make yourself better then I say find somewhere else.

[Haley53]

Then it all depends on whether or not you want to be challenged at school. Do you want an easy A? His school might be what you're looking for, if you want to challenge yourself and strive to make yourself better then I say find somewhere else.

The other issue too is depending on if you pursue higher education than an AA/BA, you're going to want to look at the school from that standpoint as well. If it's a community college and it'll guarantee you a transfer into university, that's not so bad, but if it's a university, then if you're ever going to consider grad school, it's important to think about how the school is going to be perceived by a graduate school. That easy A is going to be held in less regard than if you go to a school where you're academically challenged and actually working in an environment you're more adapted for. It can be hard to think about when you aren't even sure what you want to study, but in today's day and age, it's taking more than a BA to secure even a minimum wage job. While the economy is slowly getting better, it's still important to think about your future, both individually and as a couple, and on if you have goals to pursue an MA/PhD.