Please Help! Completely Unmotivated...

[digitalfever]

I don't really think I can be much help. I can't really relate to the wanting to stay home so my motivation I guess is to get my first degree so I can move on to my professional program so that I can make good money. I don't really dwell much and use my career goals as inspiration.

[camlus]

I'm the same as you...I'm always working or going to school. My SO always tells me to slow it down, but I just can't seem to take a break. Maybe it just helps me keep my mind off of the fact that I am far away from my own heart. As hard as it is, you need to keep your head high and you need to just think that every day that you do spend away from him is a day closer to when you will be able to be his wife and the mother of his children. Believe in the love you have for each other and believe in yourself. I can see you're a strong person that will get through this!

[SeeRat]

I feel similarly. It's not the be-all and end-all for me by any means, but it's definitely a big portion of what I want out of life. He's my partner and I want to share my life with him. I want to take comfort in him when I've had a bad day, and I want to be there for him when he needs me. We are so much better when we're together, which is why I feel like I need him with me if I'm to be my best. I keep going, of course, but my motivation is entirely preoccupied by the part of me that feels like it's missing as long as we're apart.

Totally relates to me... Its not be-all and end-all for me, i want to excel in my profession too. But its like he is the motivation which i need for my studies or my work. I just feel i ll be at my best if he is with me.

[marbear31]

I think you literally took the words out of my mouth. I failed two classes this past semester as well, as well as one when I studied abroad, all from not being able to get motivated to do my classes (as well as lack of time management). I'm the same as you, always been at the top of my class, great grades, super involved, etc. When I got back from studying abroad (where I met my SO), it was like something in me just...stopped. I didn't function. I stayed home, talked to him, went to work, and watched TV. I was miserable. Aside from him, my life lost any sense of clarity, and I procrastinated my future for immediate gratification. I would have several bouts of momentary inspiration, but at the first sign of tribulation, I'd fall right back into my old patterns.

I made excuses to anyone and everyone. First, it was my relationship, then how school wasn't "right" for me, then pure ambivalence. Eventually, all the excuses were gone, and all I had left to face was myself. This happened quite recently, and I'm not sure how or when of the exact moment, but something just clicked, a something that poked and prodded and shoved me until I finally snapped out of it and realized, "My God, WHAT am I putting everything on hold for?" I think it was something about the idea of only having myself to face; I couldn't foist the blame on anyone or anything else. No matter how many excuses you make, you're still going to have yourself at the end of the day.

Two things in particular helped me change my mindset. I read The War of Art and Turning Pro by Steven Pressfield, and I had a moment where I was so disgusted with myself that I couldn't stomach participating in any of the procrastination methods I'd been using. www.marieforleo.com was a lifesaver as well. When you reach that point of no return, when you realize that all you have left to fight is yourself, and you realize how much time you've wasted pining over nothing, I think that is the moment you become an adult.

I do understand, very, very much so, how distance affects productivity. The thing is, there's always going to be "something" to keep us from doing what we should. If you're a stay at home mom, kids are going to be masters at providing procrastinatable situations. Of course, there are times you have to put others before your own agenda, but it doesn't change that you only have yourself to answer to at the end of it all.

Believe in yourself, and have others surrounding you that believe in you even more than you believe in yourself, whether physically or online. You CAN do it, and don't worry that all is lost. Stay focused, stay positive, and never stop acting. The process itself is what will save you; no amount of living in the past or future will. You can only change what you do right now.

You got this!