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**SmileyK** · January 1, 2013, 10:00 PM

First of all... *huge hugs* I know exactly what you're going through. I was doing a 3 year degree in Creative and Professional Writing. Interesting degree, not very useful for a career, cover a lot of basics you already know, and if you get writer's block, too bad. Anyway, I was doing well, then I started to lose motivation in the second year when we had to pick other subjects and minors to fill up our credit points. I chose justice and policing, again, more for my interest in it and the crime fiction I write, rather than because I want it as a career, and I was struggling to find anything else that really interested me in study. I still managed through it my second year, but my third year, this year, I just slumped. I gave up on all the work. I failed the 2 policing subjects I was doing, though as they weren't a part of my major, that was still okay. But it did add half a year of part time study to finishing my degree, and I just broke down. I also had never failed a class before, and all I could think about was how well I used to do in primary school, how I was the top of my class in every subject at high school, and just how I could go from that to here. Problem was, I didn't tell anyone I had failed until 4 weeks into 2nd semester, when I finally broke down to Mum and told her I'd lost all motivation and had actually wagged about 3 classes since starting back. Didn't help I hadn't really made any close friends in my time there. She was very supportive; we went and saw a counselor and I took a leave of absence. Not something you really want to do when you only have a semester and a half left to go, but I was just so over study and the amount of effort I'd put in since 1st Grade.

Now I've been off since August, looking for work, and no one will employ me because I just have no job experience and I'm so scared to go out there into the workforce. And I do exactly what you do - I compare and look at what my friends do, and where my friends are. Even those people who weren't my friends, but just people I knew from school who have these jobs and money to do whatever they want. I also know people a bunch of people that are pregnant or having kids, but thankfully that's not something I'm looking for yet. I'm 20 too, and I know there are many years to worry about that later. I don't know how you feel about that, but know you are still very young, and just because you have friends that are getting married and falling pregnant doesn't mean you have to follow suit. You do that when you are ready and you are at a point in your life where you are ready, not because of outside pressures. I think everyone here knows how hard LDR can be, and I also still retain a bit of that single-feeling because this is my first relationship and I've never met him. I'm finally in this fantastic relationship, but I'm still this complete virgin waiting on my first kiss. I'll go out and I'll see couples holding hands and I think "Gosh, that'll be me one day. But not today, because he's still over there and I am here, living this partially single life." He should be my motivation for putting twice as much effort into my job search, and at times he is, but it still requires effort on my part because he's not beside me, looking over my shoulder and making sure I do the work.

My brother is also a pilot, so I've known the financial struggles he has gone through, most particularly because he is colourblind and therefore not allowed to fly with the bigger airlines like Qantas or anywhere overseas. As for motivation, I think you're starting to work out most of those solutions by yourself.

You're switching studies, although I'm not sure that this is because you want to, or because you're just trying to rush through and complete it? Either way it shouldn't be a decision made lightly and it might be an idea to see a career counselor of some sort to help work out where you would perhaps like to be. You've also answered your own question. I feel like what's holding me back is that right now I don't have anything to look forward to, or to plan for. The idea is then to make plans, make something to look forward to

I've never had that career mindset either, I just know what I want to publish a few novels, and that could take years and I could get nothing for it, because reality is, only 1 in 10 books generally make money, and even then, it's never much of a turnover. I know that I will need other work to back me up and make a living, so I'm looking for work that can tie in to what I'm interested in that can get me to publishing my books in the future. Find out what your passion is, and look for careers around that. Have a talk with your SO and try and make plans for your future together. Even if you can't do anything because of finances yet, you can still dream and set goals. Everyone will always harper on to you about goal-setting, but it can be good to set them.

Where do you see yourself in 1, 5, 10, 20 years from now? Remember that you can take a break from your studies and pursue them at a later date, which can also be something you partake part-time as a Mum. Give yourself little rewards for the things you do, whether it's a bit of chocolate for completing readings, or a day out after completing an assignment. Find out what does motivate you, and eliminate those things that aren't helping.

Best of luck, sorry for the ramble! D:

**ams.201220** · January 1, 2013, 10:24 PM

Hey girl! I spoke to you recently, but I felt I should post here! Like I said before, I totally understand where you're coming from. The only way I get motivated is by having Austin call and give me pretty much an ultimatum. Like if I finish this, this, and that, we get to talk for thirty minutes more than normal, and stuff like that. Other times, I just plow through and try to get through as much as I possibly can.

**Sora1101** · January 1, 2013, 11:07 PM

You sound EXACTLY like me. I didn't even plan on going to college, I was going to move in with my SO after I graduated high school and three months before I was due to move I was awarded a full ride scholarship to a community college. My SO said it was too good an opportunity to pass up so here I sit stuck in a college I didn't want to go to after my heart was crushed because I had been dreaming about moving in with my SO for a nearly 3 years at that point.

The only thing that keeps me motivated is honestly not wasting the time we've already spent apart. Sure going sucks and I hate it but why let the last 5 months go to waste because you weren't motivated right? Maybe make a deal with your SO too that will motivate you to do your work and well. My SO and I have a deal going, every time I do well on a test I get an hour of uninterrupted cam time, if I do all my homework then I get half an hour phone call. You could try doing stuff like that.

**kittyo9** · January 2, 2013, 12:55 AM

Ughhhhhh it's like reading my own life. I feel the same way. I just don't feel motivated to do any of my work. I feel like I need him to be here before I can be my best. A whole slew of my friends got married in the past year, and many more are posting photos of their serious partners. It just stresses me out more.

**MattDavies86** · January 2, 2013, 02:41 AM

I think most of us are going through or have gone through this, for me it's right now too, granted you've more than likely been with your SO much longer than me, but still, miss her like crazy, and it's hard, I came on here today looking for some support about it and found your post, it's very encouraging reading everyone's replies, like you say, you love him but it's hard not being able to touch or see him, I agree! But I make sure to close my eyes and think of when we were together, i know I was happy then and she makes me feel amazing, it's worth it in the end!! In my case, we exchange a few texts a day, speak for maybe 15minutes a day (on my lunch break) and then sundays we can talk an hour or 2. but there's no skype etc, she doesn't have the internet and works a LOT, and i work a LOT and we have a 7 hour difference lol.

Anyway, chin up, you can do it, you know deep down it's worth it! When it's all said and done you'll look back and this and think that you were crazy lol. anytime you want to talk I'm more than happy to oblige!

**rach92g** · January 2, 2013, 06:31 PM

Thanks everyone for the advice and encouraging words! It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way. I was feeling very alone in it, but now I know that it's kind of normal. I have written down some short-term goals for school, and my SO is on board to help me reach those goals. He does very well in school, mainly because he is pursuing his dream, so I know that he can keep me focused. I hadn't told him how bad things were going for me until the Fall semester was over, so now he knows I need his help in order to do this. He's also said things like "I'm not marrying a college drop out", which I know is a half-joke half-serious comment, but it made me really stop and think, why am I just making my college life even longer when it's going to hold me back from my life with him?

**MadMolly** · January 2, 2013, 09:49 PM

A relationship shouldn't be your be-all and end-all goal in my opinion. Think about your life outside of him. Getting married and having babies isn't all there is to life.

**rach92g** · January 3, 2013, 01:09 PM

Originally posted by MadMolly View Post

A relationship shouldn't be your be-all and end-all goal in my opinion. Think about your life outside of him. Getting married and having babies isn't all there is to life.

I know that's not all there is to life. But that's what I want for my life. I want a family. I realize that not everyone has the same goals for their lives, but having a happy family with him is what I want. Not too soon, believe me, I'm not trying to rush things, but I don't wanna wait too long either.

**kittyo9** · January 3, 2013, 01:21 PM

Originally posted by rach92g View Post

I know that's not all there is to life. But that's what I want for my life. I want a family. I realize that not everyone has the same goals for their lives, but having a happy family with him is what I want. Not too soon, believe me, I'm not trying to rush things, but I don't wanna wait too long either.

I feel similarly. It's not the be-all and end-all for me by any means, but it's definitely a big portion of what I want out of life. He's my partner and I want to share my life with him. I want to take comfort in him when I've had a bad day, and I want to be there for him when he needs me. We are so much better when we're together, which is why I feel like I need him with me if I'm to be my best. I keep going, of course, but my motivation is entirely preoccupied by the part of me that feels like it's missing as long as we're apart.

**dukes2011** · January 3, 2013, 01:58 PM

I am feeling very similar to you too, so feel free to PM me whenever! Half of my college and high school is married and it seems like every time I log on Facebook someone else gets engaged. I tend to avoid Facebook when I really miss my SO since seeing so many pictures of happy couples together makes me jealous. Definitely keep of thinking of how a degree will ensure a better for the two of you, but also yourself. It's a tough world with jobs so you have to think if God forbid something happened and your SO couldn't find work or should lose a job. Even if you want to stay at home with kids, it's good for you to have something to fall back on if need be.

**MattDavies86** · January 4, 2013, 02:59 AM

Originally posted by rach92g View Post

I know that's not all there is to life. But that's what I want for my life. I want a family. I realize that not everyone has the same goals for their lives, but having a happy family with him is what I want. Not too soon, believe me, I'm not trying to rush things, but I don't wanna wait too long either.

I think we all know that the relationship shouldn't be the only thing, we should have hobbies and a separate life (friends, family etc), easier said that done at times, I'm the same as you (but a guy lol) I've only ever wanted to find that one girl I can love, settle and start a family with, granted, I intended to find her a LITTLE closer to home than 8,000 miles but we can't choose who we fall for lol. Anyway, I get where your coming from, I can't think of anything else, find it hard to even watch a movie at the moment or play a game, don't feel like going out either, just work, sleep, SO lol.

**rach92g** · January 5, 2013, 07:26 PM

Originally posted by MattDavies86 View Post

I think we all know that the relationship shouldn't be the only thing, we should have hobbies and a separate life (friends, family etc), easier said that done at times, I'm the same as you (but a guy lol) I've only ever wanted to find that one girl I can love, settle and start a family with, granted, I intended to find her a LITTLE closer to home than 8,000 miles but we can't choose who we fall for lol. Anyway, I get where your coming from, I can't think of anything else, find it hard to even watch a movie at the moment or play a game, don't feel like going out either, just work, sleep, SO lol.

This is exactly how I am. I honestly don't have any hobbies because I literally work 7 days a week. I have two jobs. I don't have time for hobbies, or friends, which sucks because I don't have any distraction from the lonliness. I mean I love thinking about my SO, don't get me wrong, but it's like I dwell on the fact that he's not here with me, when I should be thinking of what I great future we could have if I'd just get my butt into gear!

**dianacakes** · January 5, 2013, 09:16 PM

Awwwww! Remember we're here for you if you need motivation!! I totally understand where you are coming from!

I HATE those nights when all you can think about is your SO and how you wish they were there next to you. College sucks. I get so stressed and frustrated, academically and emotionally. Sometimes a hug from my SO is all I would need to feel better and just knowing that he can't be there for me during those days when I'm feeling down, SUCKS.

I found that just communicating with my SO helps, even just a little tiny bit. At least he knows how I'm feeling and tries his hardest to make me feel better and motivate me to do well.

Also when you get unmotivated again, remember that getting a college degree not only helps you & your SO in the future, but it's a huge personal accomplishment for yourself!

**MattDavies86** · January 6, 2013, 04:36 AM

Originally posted by rach92g View Post

This is exactly how I am. I honestly don't have any hobbies because I literally work 7 days a week. I have two jobs. I don't have time for hobbies, or friends, which sucks because I don't have any distraction from the lonliness. I mean I love thinking about my SO, don't get me wrong, but it's like I dwell on the fact that he's not here with me, when I should be thinking of what I great future we could have if I'd just get my butt into gear!

Ah same here, but when I dwell on the missing her part, I literally think to myself "stop that!" and I start to think about how awesome it was when we were together, how happy we are just being together and know everything will work out

positive is the answer

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