Feeling incredibly lost and confused about my LDR (Long post, but please read)
So I've been in an LDR for over 3 years now, or at least I was...
This past summer, we were both home from college and her parents actually allowed me to live with them (my mom's house was full since my sister, brother in law, and nephew were living there while purchasing a new house for themselves). Overall, I think it was a pretty good summer. We got to see each other every day and sleep in each other's arms every night. However, problems really started to arise when I couldn't read her as well as I thought I could. I was often trying to balance work, my own family, and my other commitments with my relationship. And because I often had to drop whatever I was doing with her to go and help my family, she would get upset and disappointed with me. This happened multiple times over the summer, but we were able to make up and talk about it.
Then, the night before she left, we stayed up and talked in bed. She was having a fight with her parents because a lot of her focus and attention during the summer was on us rather than her parents and her little sister. We stayed up for about an hour or so, just listening to her vent and giving my 2 cents on occasion. Little did we know that her mother was standing outside her bedroom door listening to the entire thing.
The next morning, her father gave us a very grim look. Her mother was still asleep from crying all night. The entire car ride to the airport was spent with him talking to us about how much we hurt them and how ungrateful we have been. We circled the airport parking lot many times, as she cried the whole time. I felt helpless as we finally said our goodbyes. On the car ride back, I was able to talk to her father one on one, telling him that I was sorry for the things I had said. We talked for a while, and eventually I left his house after thanking him for his hospitality and taking me in, not even seeing my girlfriend's mother.
This is where the problems really started. For about 2 weeks, I didn't really talk to my girlfriend much. I figured she wanted some space to figure things out with her family. Plus, she was just starting her 2nd year of college and moving into a new apartment with her friends. But man, did I get it all wrong. My girlfriend has a tendency to retreat into herself and build up a wall whenever something's wrong. And it's become more and more obvious that not only am I really bad at breaking down her wall, but I am also really bad at reading when something is wrong. Because of all this, when we finally did talk to each other, she was very angry with me (and she had a right to be). We went from not talking at all (or very empty texts) to angry conversations/fights multiple times until about a month and a half ago.
At that time, we decided the best thing we could do for our relationship and for each other is to "start over", giving each other a week or so to recollect ourselves and then trying to court again. At first, things were okay, and I felt that this was a good idea.
But this has been tearing me apart for 2 months; emotionally, mentally, and even physically. I understand that she needs room to grow (I was her first real boyfriend, and I can see how that can be limiting in a college environment; especially a LDR) and I need to learn my lesson. But I've been under so much pain and stress ever since. Whenever we do talk, she talks about how much fun she is having over there, and I often have to lie and say everything is hunky dory over here.
The reason I'm feeling incredibly lost and confused is because I really don't know what is going to happen to us. We agreed that we would still be exclusive while "starting over", but that she would not have to tell me everything she does with other people (unless it was sexual). Also, she said that right now she still loves me, but she doesn't know how she feels about me, about us. And she probably won't until we see each other again over winter break.
I recognize the wrongs I've done, and I'm learning more about myself and am growing as a person and a man throughout this period. But still, I can't stop thinking about her. I've taken all her pictures down and everything that reminds me of her is out of sight, but she's still on my mind every single damn day. My heart is torn and I don't know what I should be doing to help our relationship. On the one hand, if I put more effort into courting her again, and she isn't receptive of it, then I would be broken hearted. But if I just sit back, then she may lose interest and then it may really be over. I really don't know what to do, and I honestly don't know if my heart can take this uncertainty for 2 1/2 more months...
This past summer, we were both home from college and her parents actually allowed me to live with them (my mom's house was full since my sister, brother in law, and nephew were living there while purchasing a new house for themselves). Overall, I think it was a pretty good summer. We got to see each other every day and sleep in each other's arms every night. However, problems really started to arise when I couldn't read her as well as I thought I could. I was often trying to balance work, my own family, and my other commitments with my relationship. And because I often had to drop whatever I was doing with her to go and help my family, she would get upset and disappointed with me. This happened multiple times over the summer, but we were able to make up and talk about it.
Then, the night before she left, we stayed up and talked in bed. She was having a fight with her parents because a lot of her focus and attention during the summer was on us rather than her parents and her little sister. We stayed up for about an hour or so, just listening to her vent and giving my 2 cents on occasion. Little did we know that her mother was standing outside her bedroom door listening to the entire thing.
The next morning, her father gave us a very grim look. Her mother was still asleep from crying all night. The entire car ride to the airport was spent with him talking to us about how much we hurt them and how ungrateful we have been. We circled the airport parking lot many times, as she cried the whole time. I felt helpless as we finally said our goodbyes. On the car ride back, I was able to talk to her father one on one, telling him that I was sorry for the things I had said. We talked for a while, and eventually I left his house after thanking him for his hospitality and taking me in, not even seeing my girlfriend's mother.
This is where the problems really started. For about 2 weeks, I didn't really talk to my girlfriend much. I figured she wanted some space to figure things out with her family. Plus, she was just starting her 2nd year of college and moving into a new apartment with her friends. But man, did I get it all wrong. My girlfriend has a tendency to retreat into herself and build up a wall whenever something's wrong. And it's become more and more obvious that not only am I really bad at breaking down her wall, but I am also really bad at reading when something is wrong. Because of all this, when we finally did talk to each other, she was very angry with me (and she had a right to be). We went from not talking at all (or very empty texts) to angry conversations/fights multiple times until about a month and a half ago.
At that time, we decided the best thing we could do for our relationship and for each other is to "start over", giving each other a week or so to recollect ourselves and then trying to court again. At first, things were okay, and I felt that this was a good idea.
But this has been tearing me apart for 2 months; emotionally, mentally, and even physically. I understand that she needs room to grow (I was her first real boyfriend, and I can see how that can be limiting in a college environment; especially a LDR) and I need to learn my lesson. But I've been under so much pain and stress ever since. Whenever we do talk, she talks about how much fun she is having over there, and I often have to lie and say everything is hunky dory over here.
The reason I'm feeling incredibly lost and confused is because I really don't know what is going to happen to us. We agreed that we would still be exclusive while "starting over", but that she would not have to tell me everything she does with other people (unless it was sexual). Also, she said that right now she still loves me, but she doesn't know how she feels about me, about us. And she probably won't until we see each other again over winter break.
I recognize the wrongs I've done, and I'm learning more about myself and am growing as a person and a man throughout this period. But still, I can't stop thinking about her. I've taken all her pictures down and everything that reminds me of her is out of sight, but she's still on my mind every single damn day. My heart is torn and I don't know what I should be doing to help our relationship. On the one hand, if I put more effort into courting her again, and she isn't receptive of it, then I would be broken hearted. But if I just sit back, then she may lose interest and then it may really be over. I really don't know what to do, and I honestly don't know if my heart can take this uncertainty for 2 1/2 more months...
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