How do I stay positive?

[azemog94]

This is my first and only LDR. I've never experienced anything quite as hard as being away from my best friend and dearest love. We've been together for 2 years and 3 months.
I know we're not as far from each other as most couples (he in texas and I in illinois) but us being 20 and broke college students makes it hard to see each other. Right now we've been trying to plan our summer. Well I just applied (and probably got) an internship here where I live for this summer and because of this, I don't know if we'll even get to be with each other this summer and this just about tears my heart out. I hate that I have to decide between my career and the person I love most. I've been trying to stay strong but this and a bunch of other stressing matters just keep coming at me and now all I want to do is stay in bed and cry.
This is the worst because when I get like this I don't want to talk to anyone, even my love (I've a bit of a history with depression).
Does anyone have any advice on how to stay positive? Is it ok to break down sometimes? I don't have anyone else in my life going through a LDR and it's hard to talk to them about it because they can't really understand what I'm going through.
Any advice or suggestions would be more than appreciated.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

This is my first and only LDR. I've never experienced anything quite as hard as being away from my best friend and dearest love. We've been together for 2 years and 3 months.
I know we're not as far from each other as most couples (he in texas and I in illinois) but us being 20 and broke college students makes it hard to see each other. Right now we've been trying to plan our summer. Well I just applied (and probably got) an internship here where I live for this summer and because of this, I don't know if we'll even get to be with each other this summer and this just about tears my heart out. I hate that I have to decide between my career and the person I love most. I've been trying to stay strong but this and a bunch of other stressing matters just keep coming at me and now all I want to do is stay in bed and cry.
This is the worst because when I get like this I don't want to talk to anyone, even my love (I've a bit of a history with depression).
Does anyone have any advice on how to stay positive? Is it ok to break down sometimes? I don't have anyone else in my life going through a LDR and it's hard to talk to them about it because they can't really understand what I'm going through.
Any advice or suggestions would be more than appreciated.

Of course it's OK to break down and cry sometimes. It's perfectly normal. Even under good conditions, an LDR is rough going. because no matter how often you talk to each other, the loneliness is always there, in the background, and sometimes it gets to be too much. If there are complications and obstacles, it gets even harder to handle, especially if you have your heart set on things going a certain way, and then something changes and you can't have what you hoped for. So, what I have discovered in 4 years LDR, is that it is best to be as realistic as possible (my SO is much better at that than I am, and is quick to remind me) and not have too many unrealistic expectations, because that way you avoid disappointment and hurt. What I mean by that is that you have to be flexible and open to sudden changes in plans, because you never know what curves life will throw at you.

In your case, you have chosen, and might have received, an internship, which is important for your future, but might delay seeing your SO for the summer. Don't look at it as that you are being forced to choose between him, and a career you really want. Look at it as a step toward your future together. You have already been in an LDR for a while, so you know the drill. You know how to communicate, how to keep each other happy, how to share, etc. And you know that someday you will be together again. Maybe not as soon as you'd like, but someday.

Instead of lying in bed all day crying, get up and do something for yourself, something you enjoy, read a good book, watch a good movie on Netflix, light candles and incense and play relaxing music while you have a bubble bath, take a walk in the sunshine, put on some peppy music and dance, just something you enjoy, just for you. Take care of YOURSELF. The happier and busier you are, the happier he will be, and the better your relationship will be. I know how depression is, I'm very prone to it, myself, and sometimes I have to force myself to get up, but when I do, I feel better.

Remember this internship, and your education is important for your future, but it isn't going to last forever. You can have both. You don' t have to choose between your education and love. You can stay in your LDR for the duration, and be together when you can. It's a good foundation for a long lasting relationship.

And you have come to the right place. There are a lot of good people of all ages and backgrounds, with a common bond, the fact that we are all in an LDR, or have been, and are all willing to support and help each other as we can, by sharing our experiences, offering advice, and just listening. And the articles and e-books are very helpful too.

Welcome, and I hope you will enjoy this community and find the support and encouragement you need.

[ldrxoxo]

When you're angry/sad, let it all out. I made the mistake of never saying anything for 10+ years to people who were making me angry every day. I sat there hoping they would notice their behaviors themselves and change without me saying anything but it didn't work that way. One day you know when things keep building up inside you, that was not a good day for me, lol. As for the LDR keep in touch when you can that's all you can do if you're broke.

How I stay positive is I write stories. Writing sometimes helps me cope with things. I don't know if you're a writer? That keeps me positive especially when people have told me they love reading what I write when I showed them my work. Pick up a new hobby that's what I always do. I have over fifty, lol.

[melarie]

I think the best thing you can do is just accept that this is how it is, and put it out of your mind. I suffer with depression too, so I know its hard to be positive and just stop thinking about things like this, but it really helps to just accept that you won't see each other when you planned. Once you do, you can focus on keeping your relationship on steady ground and making the most of your hard situation. Hobbies also help though. Lately I've been making myself to do lists at night, for the next day. Not only does it keep me busy during the day, but it helps with the depression as well. And I've taken up sewing, started playing flute again, stuff like that. They're nice, productive things that I'm able to immerse myself in that I don't need him for.

It is Ok to breakdown. It's even Ok to cry to him. I do. It's another case of, if you get it out you can move on.

[piratemama]

Yes, it is normal and okay to breakdown and cry. I agree with the others, though, that you must not continue to do that. Take care of yourself and force yourself to get out and do something fun. It's okay to be good to yourself, so you can better love your SO.

I'm sorry that you won't be able to see your SO this summer, but you are working toward a future together. And, who knows? Things might change where he can visit you. We can get so worked up that we don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's there. Every day you are one day closer to being with him.

[squeeker]

It's definitely okay to breakdown and cry and let it out. I find it helps me every once in awhile when things get too much. And then do things to make you happy. I am not going to be able to visit my boyfriend this summer (and haven't since last summer) unless some miracle happens, and it sucks but it's what happens because like you we are poor university students and flights are expensive. But I have to get a job this summer and next year I'm getting a part time job again (it's gonna happen!!) on campus or something nice like that *hopefully* and saving up and hopefully he will be able to help me too and hopefully the summer after that we can see each other.. you aren't choosing between your career and your love, because you get them both, you just have to be physically apart from your love but you are still in a relationship with him and you are setting yourself up for a great future together. You are going to be okay. It's okay to cry ok.

[azemog94]

Thanks everyone! all your answers really helped. I appreciate all of them so much. I think that being a part of LFAD is going to help a lot in itself. I usually didn't have someone else to talk to about this and it's nice to have others going through what I am.

[RachelAnne]

Keep your chin up! I know things may look grim right now, but think of it as a way that you're working towards a future with your SO...and who knows, maybe ya'll will be able to plan a trip sooner than you think! Focus on the positives, as everyone else has said, and do things for YOU that make you happy There's always a light at the end of the tunnel!

[nerdgasm42]

Of course it's OK to break down and cry sometimes. It's perfectly normal. Even under good conditions, an LDR is rough going. because no matter how often you talk to each other, the loneliness is always there, in the background, and sometimes it gets to be too much. If there are complications and obstacles, it gets even harder to handle, especially if you have your heart set on things going a certain way, and then something changes and you can't have what you hoped for. So, what I have discovered in 4 years LDR, is that it is best to be as realistic as possible (my SO is much better at that than I am, and is quick to remind me) and not have too many unrealistic expectations, because that way you avoid disappointment and hurt. What I mean by that is that you have to be flexible and open to sudden changes in plans, because you never know what curves life will throw at you.

In your case, you have chosen, and might have received, an internship, which is important for your future, but might delay seeing your SO for the summer. Don't look at it as that you are being forced to choose between him, and a career you really want. Look at it as a step toward your future together. You have already been in an LDR for a while, so you know the drill. You know how to communicate, how to keep each other happy, how to share, etc. And you know that someday you will be together again. Maybe not as soon as you'd like, but someday.

Instead of lying in bed all day crying, get up and do something for yourself, something you enjoy, read a good book, watch a good movie on Netflix, light candles and incense and play relaxing music while you have a bubble bath, take a walk in the sunshine, put on some peppy music and dance, just something you enjoy, just for you. Take care of YOURSELF. The happier and busier you are, the happier he will be, and the better your relationship will be. I know how depression is, I'm very prone to it, myself, and sometimes I have to force myself to get up, but when I do, I feel better.

Remember this internship, and your education is important for your future, but it isn't going to last forever. You can have both. You don' t have to choose between your education and love. You can stay in your LDR for the duration, and be together when you can. It's a good foundation for a long lasting relationship.

And you have come to the right place. There are a lot of good people of all ages and backgrounds, with a common bond, the fact that we are all in an LDR, or have been, and are all willing to support and help each other as we can, by sharing our experiences, offering advice, and just listening. And the articles and e-books are very helpful too.

Welcome, and I hope you will enjoy this community and find the support and encouragement you need.

I know this was a reply to someone else, but I wanted to thank you for these words. They hit so close to home and my own situation, and I really needed to hear (read) something like that right now. You put things simply yet eloquently, and were so kind with your words.

Sometimes just knowing you have a support group like the one here is the most helpful thing. I just got home this week from a visit with my SO and have been having trouble making the transition back into the lonely part of a LDR, and this site has helped immensely.

Best wishes to you, Azemog! I hope you get your internship and that it goes well for you! May I ask what you are studying? I'm working on an internship with Juvenile Court this fall