should i tell my family?

[candi3811@yahoo.com]

me and my so have been together for 7 months i live with my mom she sorta knows about him but she doesn't take it seriously because we live so far from each other but we're planning on moving in together in January. i'm 21 so its not like i need her permission but i want her to know what i want to do with my life. i was thinking about going to school there in the fall but i can't afford it so should i just wait until January to start, and by then i should have gotten a job and have something saved up? so my question is Should I ask for help because he has his own house the only problem is it’s not finished yet otherwise we would have moved in together already so should I ask my family if they could help him finish the house or should I just move there and get my own apartment for a few months or just. Wait a little longer and wait until he finishes the house and by then we’ll both have enough money so that we can be stable I really don’t know what to do

sorry if my question was so long

[whatruckus]

I would say just wait until you're both ready and have the money. Don't ask your parents to help him out. I did that with my ex, my dad lent him thousands, and after we broke up, he never paid it back and cut off contact completely. My family still resents me for that.

If you don't have the means, just wait until you do. You can always wait until the next fall semester to move and go to school there, what's the rush? What are you going to school for? Is this undergrad or grad?

[candi3811@yahoo.com]

I would say just wait until you're both ready and have the money. Don't ask your parents to help him out. I did that with my ex, my dad lent him thousands, and after we broke up, he never paid it back and cut off contact completely. My family still resents me for that.

If you don't have the means, just wait until you do. You can always wait until the next fall semester to move and go to school there, what's the rush? What are you going to school for? Is this undergrad or grad?


Yeah that’s true and I don’t want that to happen worst case scenario is we’ll have to wait things out a little longer, I had planned on getting a job so I can help out but it sucks when you have no experience. I’d be going to college for nutrition dietetics specifically. I’ve looked at a few places but it’s a little too late to apply for the fall semester so hopefully I can apply for the spring semester and by then I’ll have a job so I can save up that’s the plan.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Definitely, wait until both of you are on your own feet, and don't have to ask parents for help. That is not a good idea. It can lead to problems, such as parents wanting control, family resentment, even feelings of resentment, insecurity, or inadequacy between you and your SO. He could also feel like you are pressuring and pushing him to hurry and finish the house, before he is ready or able to do so.

You have been in this LDR for less than a year. So what is the rush? Use this time apart to get to know each other better online and on Skype. Take time to work on your own things, too, like getting a job, and getting into school. Save up for travel, too. You aren't so far from each other, so you should be able to visit each other occasionally. That way you can meet each other's family, too.

[me_andthemoon]

I would wait until you can support each other, and most importantly support yourselves. I do not think it is healthy to have your parents start a relationship with your SO by lending him money when they already don't know much about him. In my family, at least, this would cause them to believe that he isn't a worker, that he is lazy, etc, even if it isn't true. My family would not like to see me be with someone who can't support themselves, let alone me, and introducing them and then shortly after asking for them to loan him money would not be a good starting point. I also think that it would be best for your relationship to allow yourselves time to get on your feet that way one person does not feel like they are doing all the work in supporting you financially.