Knowing my worth!?

[kminn]

So i'm needed some legit advice from my fellow LDR peeps. I will give you a back story and then further dive into the issue.

My boyfriend and I have been together for only 8 months, but he has been my friend for like 6 years. We live in different states and see each other every couple months or so. We communicate all the time, however it's the arguments that kills us. Now i'm not sure if it's normal to go through this type of rough patch, but as of lately, we are getting into pretty big arguments and we aren't sure how to handle each other. We have admitted that we BOTH need to figure out what can work for the both of us to work in an argument and not so much "im gonna do it my way and your gonna do yours", has anyone gone through this? I really feel like this is really breaking us apart. I am constantly need reasurrance to make sure we are okay and he just no longer seems to be putting forth that effort he once did in the beginning. Now, i know i know the beginning is always the lovey dovey stage, but how comfy is too comfy? I am not trying to date a friend, I want my boyfriend. I have already talked to him in the past about making me feel wanted and he said he'll do better, but it's been months since i've received any cute flowers or whatever. At this point I wanna keep fighting, but I dont wanna fight in a battle that will kill me in the end. Do you think it's worth trying to continue it or would you end it?

Basically after the fight we had about last night we said sorry and he finally calmed down and said we have to fix this etc etc, but at this point, I do love him, but I refuse to be with someone that is going to constantly almost bully me emotionally. I dont want breaking up to be the answer, but I also know my worth.

Help a sista out!

[differentcountries]

Every relationship needs for the other to put in effort. We can make wishes, but not dictate what others can do. My SO has never bought me flowers. He has done other stuff that I appreciated though. I find that on the times we fight, there tends to be misunderstandings and things we need to sort out. Things can be unplesant but we understand more of each other from it. After ten months we still go on dates. I find that if I really want him to do something, I either ask him in a nice way, I try to influence him with hints or (as has happened four times I think) I get really mad about it. Even If he wants something he usually ask me, sulks or withdraws (and hopes I will read his mind, which I actually often do).

What do you fight about? We used to fight over the distance, but no not anymore since we see each other more often.

[silvermoonfairy3]

There's not really enough information here for me to give an opinion, since I don't know what specifically you're arguing about, but if it's just the fact that things aren't all lovey dovey like they were in the beginning..

1) Think about whether your expectations are realistic
2) Ask yourself how happy you are with things overall
3) Ask yourself if you think you'll be happy with things as they are, if he never changes and gets more affectionate

If you've talked to him about doing sweet things like buying you flowers and whatever and he's still not doing it, chances are it's just not in his personality this far along into the relationship. You can decide that things like that are a dealbreaker and you need someone much more outwardly romantic and showering you that way, which is fine, but also keep in mind that a lot of times people have very high expectations for how often they're going to get that fairytale-style romance, and it can be hard for ANY partner to meet those expectations if they're a bit wild.

You might also want to think about why you don't feel wanted, and any sort of concrete things he could do. Have a discussion with him to see if there are things he can do, and ask him about what you're doing (or not doing) that he needs.

Basically, communicate a lot.

Without knowing more, that's really all the suggestion I have.

[kminn]

We dont fight about the distance itself, the distance isn't hard. It's how we handle each other when we argue. He'll say im frustrating him and why cant i be logical about this or i'm being to emotional and im like well i wouldn't be if you would talk to me. I end up throwing up my feelings towards him and he stays silent and I dont understand why. I've told him many times to talk and communicate with me or else the issue isn't gonna get solved but he gets so pissed so thats w hy i dont know if it's worth it if he wont take the time to figure out what works for us and not just for him.

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

I think its natural, especially in long distance relationships to go through rough patches.

One thing to keep in mind is that people are different. In general a guy sees a problem and wants to fix it then move on. Where as girls generally want to talk about the feelings involved in a problem and carry it on longer. Over time a couple grows to learn the others ways and adapts, like compromising. Where as he may be more willing to talk about your feelings and you may try to keep it short so it doesn't rub in his face that you were hurt by something he did/didn't do.

Also, giving a girl flowers and gifts aren't the only way to make a girl feel wanted. Maybe you should try to pay more attention to the small things, because the small things a guy does without even truly knowing he is doing it, show how he truly feels.

Relationships take work. You have to figure out if its worth the work that it will take.

[silvermoonfairy3]

He has done other stuff that I appreciated though.

I think it's important to notice that stuff, for sure.

My relationships got a LOT better when I started learning to see the good things a partner was actually doing, instead of looking for missing ones that I thought 'should' be present. People show affection and emotion in different ways, and learning to notice those ways is one thing that's helped me feel special. And it can be "little" things.. recently, my SO was gonna be basically out of touch for about 5 days, because of a work conference and networking events. The day before he left, he got up early so that we could have a longer Skype date. He's been having some sleep issues and getting up pretty late, so him making that effort for me showed I was important.

Over the long-term, it's the things like that. The effort, more than specific thing.

[lilspitfire]

My boyfriend and I sometimes are fighting too. But we are working on it. It's because of a few differences in us and we're still learning each other. We're not as senior in our relationship as you though with only two months under our belts. I agree with Silvermoon. I need to ask myself those exact things too. I think you should ask yourself if you're running away from the problems instead of facing them? And ask yourself is this really worth breaking up over? I've asked myself that lately. When we have a disagreement. Is it worth fighting over? Is it worth breaking up over? No, because people in relationships have fights. Someone else here said to me "There will be lots of other times you hurt each other unintentionally." Think about if breaking up is really worth it.