What to do with a new crush in an LDR?
My boyfriend and I have been in an LDR for 6 months now, and he is flying to the other side of the world in a couple weeks to see me for our 1-year anniversary (we met during study abroad). When we were together, we couldn’t have been crazier for each other, and it killed us when we had to separate at the end of the school year. I am about to graduate from college in the spring, and he will still be in school. Our LDR has been tough, and we’ve had some very low points, but we’ve always toughed it out and worked on our relationship together. He is the most understanding, sweet guy I have ever met.
However, things have been harder since I met a new guy in a school group. What we are studying and interested in are almost exactly the same (which is very rare, and my boyfriend and I have different study fields), and he has a great sense of humor. When I’m with him (which isn’t often, but often enough), I feel happy and have so much fun, which brought upon a huge problem: every time I’m with him, I want to be with him romantically. And these feelings are replacing those for my current boyfriend. I am sure my current boyfriend has features that this new guy doesn’t, and vice versa. I also know I can’t just change people. I’m wondering if I just want to try dating another person out of interest and the excitement from it. I know I’m still young and there are “plenty of fish in the sea,” but a part of me feels like if I broke up with my boyfriend, I might regret it.
On top of that, it’s not like the other guy wants to date me, and even if I did break up with my LDR boyfriend eventually, the new guy and I are both the same age and graduating in a few months, and then going who-knows-where, so that might just put me in this exact same situation with my current boyfriend down the road, and odds are nothing will come of this new guy specifically. I think I love my current boyfriend (I definitely loved him before, but now I’m a bit uncomfortable saying it with the current situation), and even just a few days ago, I was so happy being with him. Then I spent a few hours with the new guy at a party, and here I am writing this.
I am uncomfortable just feeling like I’m staying with a guy because I might regret breaking up later, and partially out of fear that I would never find someone as good as him, but just the fact that I’m having such strong connections and feelings for a new guy make me so uncomfortable. Even if I’d be happier with my current boyfriend, I feel like now there’s something missing from his personality that the new guy has, and that realization is what’s making me uncomfortable with my current boyfriend. It’s not something anyone has done, just I’ve realized a quality about someone that I realized that I want and now feel less happy without. As I said, I know I can’t change people, but this feeling and realization is scary, especially since it is emotional, not physical.
We’ve been able to talk to each other about almost everything in our relationship, but this is one thing I don’t think I can talk to him about now. I know I probably won’t know how I feel for sure until I am physically with him again for a few weeks, and maybe I’ll remember how happy I was before with him, but what if I constantly feel like this, even when he comes to visit me? What if it worsens? We’d both been looking forward to this, and he’s paying so much money to fly here; I would feel like the worst person in the world if I couldn’t have my original feelings for him.
Whereas I used to be so excited for him to come, even just a few days ago, now I’m scared of my own feelings. I don’t want to throw him away, but I feel tied down emotionally. What should I do?
However, things have been harder since I met a new guy in a school group. What we are studying and interested in are almost exactly the same (which is very rare, and my boyfriend and I have different study fields), and he has a great sense of humor. When I’m with him (which isn’t often, but often enough), I feel happy and have so much fun, which brought upon a huge problem: every time I’m with him, I want to be with him romantically. And these feelings are replacing those for my current boyfriend. I am sure my current boyfriend has features that this new guy doesn’t, and vice versa. I also know I can’t just change people. I’m wondering if I just want to try dating another person out of interest and the excitement from it. I know I’m still young and there are “plenty of fish in the sea,” but a part of me feels like if I broke up with my boyfriend, I might regret it.
On top of that, it’s not like the other guy wants to date me, and even if I did break up with my LDR boyfriend eventually, the new guy and I are both the same age and graduating in a few months, and then going who-knows-where, so that might just put me in this exact same situation with my current boyfriend down the road, and odds are nothing will come of this new guy specifically. I think I love my current boyfriend (I definitely loved him before, but now I’m a bit uncomfortable saying it with the current situation), and even just a few days ago, I was so happy being with him. Then I spent a few hours with the new guy at a party, and here I am writing this.
I am uncomfortable just feeling like I’m staying with a guy because I might regret breaking up later, and partially out of fear that I would never find someone as good as him, but just the fact that I’m having such strong connections and feelings for a new guy make me so uncomfortable. Even if I’d be happier with my current boyfriend, I feel like now there’s something missing from his personality that the new guy has, and that realization is what’s making me uncomfortable with my current boyfriend. It’s not something anyone has done, just I’ve realized a quality about someone that I realized that I want and now feel less happy without. As I said, I know I can’t change people, but this feeling and realization is scary, especially since it is emotional, not physical.
We’ve been able to talk to each other about almost everything in our relationship, but this is one thing I don’t think I can talk to him about now. I know I probably won’t know how I feel for sure until I am physically with him again for a few weeks, and maybe I’ll remember how happy I was before with him, but what if I constantly feel like this, even when he comes to visit me? What if it worsens? We’d both been looking forward to this, and he’s paying so much money to fly here; I would feel like the worst person in the world if I couldn’t have my original feelings for him.
Whereas I used to be so excited for him to come, even just a few days ago, now I’m scared of my own feelings. I don’t want to throw him away, but I feel tied down emotionally. What should I do?
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