My name is Kemlyn and i am a freshman in college. My boyfriend and i met in high school and dated for a year. Over the summer, we decided to break up because we did not think we could handle the long distance. About a month after settling into college, we reconnected and decided to try to work things out. He goes to college in Maryland and so i decided to rent a car and visit him to see if the feelings were still there. Of course, they were. We've only technically been dating since September but it feels like we were in our old relationship lasting a year. He is handling the long distance pretty well, me on the other hand feels mentally destroyed. For the past 3 weeks, i have not been myself. I haven't been eating, im stressing way too much and cant focus on school and work. He is an amazingly sweet man who would do anything for me and refuses to let our relationship fall apart again. I love him for many reasons but the separation between us is tearing me apart. He is very supportive and tells me that everything will work out, yet at the same time i just want to feel myself again and not feel so emotional. We see each other once a month if we are lucky besides breaks. I even thought about transferring just to be closer to him because i feel as though i can't handle this separation. If anyone has any advice to help me feel myself again and just enjoy having someone who loves me, please help. I do not want to lose him again. But i am scared that he is the reason why i am not feeling myself and i am too caught up in worrying about being with him!
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This will be blunt and harsh. I am sorry in advance. I continuously see girls (specifically, but also some guys) who have their whole lives revolving around their SO. Yes, we've all been there. But I can't help but feel like it's not a healthy relationship when you literally can't function when they aren't around all the time. The only way for a LDR to work is to be happy with yourself. You need to live as if you are single (within appropriate bounds of your relationship). Go out and have fun with friends and have a life that isn't just waiting for your SO. You have your SO to lean on in hard times, but in all actuality you have YOU to rely on. You need to be healthy and happy in order to be happy in your relationship. You have a beautiful chance right now that not many people get. You have a chance to become self-reliant and happy on your own while still having the love and support of your SO. Many people don't learn to do that until they are single again. Some never learn. So my advice to you is to stop moping around and only thinking about how much you miss your SO. Go and do things that you love and have fun and be young! -
I am also in college, as is the guy I'm talking to LD, although we are both a little older as we BOTH started late. I think what the above poster said is so great. You have to be happy with yourself. You have to be self-sufficient. Of course the distance is difficult. It can be very difficult; this is my second potential one after saying I'll never do it again. I still find myself thinking about ways to jump through difficult hoops to be closer to him in the event we REALLY hit it off, but I have to work with what I am given in my situation.
When you're strong in yourself, it will be easier to manage. Someone once told me, "You have to love yourself before you love someone else". I'm not saying you don't love yourself, but be sure to take care of yourself! You still have a life outside of this and I think its important to go out, have a hobby, LIVE.
Good luck!
Fantastic advice.Originally posted by MissingMyDutchLove View PostComment
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