Not sure where this is going..

[mseo7]

My boyfriend and I started off as a LDR. In 2014, I met him in LA. I am from Canada. He was living in Arizona at that time, and recently moved to Nevada because of work. We dated long distance for about a year the first time around and broke up because I found out he had been unfaithful to me. I was so in love with him, but I could no longer trust him and the distance did not make it any easier. I never truly got over him but moved on because there was no way I knew it would work out.

Back in April this year, he contacted me again and told me he was so sorry and wanted my forgiveness. He told me he wasn't over me. He wanted to give it another try. I was very hesitant but he seemed genuine so I said okay. To be honest, I was still in love with him. He has been the one who has been paying for all the flights for the past 6 months as I am still a student.

Here is what I am confused about.. I understand his job is demanding, but he takes his irritability and impatience out on me. He tells me to not take it personally but it hurts. When we are happy, things are amazing. But when something unhappy comes up, we can barely talk to each other. And I get insecure about him being unfaithful again. He is an introvert so there are many times I do not know what he is thinking. I tried to end it with him multiple times but he thinks I am giving up. I have brought it up a few times I would like to close the distance, and I am willing to move to the US after I am done my program in a year. He seems reluctant to talk about this too. I don't know what he wants and now I am just frustrated. I love him but I don't know where all of this is going.. I don't want to feel like I'm giving up but nothing is clear. I don't like the uncertainty. I am the type who likes to have a vision, and strive for that vision. He, on the other hand, thinks we can just see each other once a month. No talks about the future.

What does all of this mean? I would like to get some different perspectives.. maybe I am not seeing something..

Thank you very much in advance.

[Redheart14]

Not wanting to talk about closing the distance I think is a worry. Every relationship needs open communication to succeed. Yes people get mad, grumpy and upset, but it's how's they handle those situations with their partner that makes all the difference.

[R&R]

It sounds like the two of you have two very different ideas about where you want this relationship to go. He's content with once-a-month visits and you are hoping to plan a future. Moving to the US is no easy task, even for a Canadian, and depending on which Visa route you take, it can depend a lot on him.

People can have bad days but not being taking things out on you because of them is very unhealthy. When you either of you are unhappy, that is when you are supposed to support each other, not walk away from each other. Sometimes, holding onto the wrong person does more damage to you then letting go. It doesn't mean it's easy but we all know it is really hard to leave something that we thought was the right thing for us. When you've tried to end it and he tells you you're giving up - remember that it doesn't mean you haven't tried but that you realize that YOU are important and you need to be happy and healthy in your own right.

[Littlewhiteflower]

I broke up because I found out he had been unfaithful to me. I was so in love with him, but I could no longer trust him and the distance did not make it any easier. I never truly got over him but moved on because there was no way I knew it would work out.

Let me tell you one thing, trusting someone after cheating is difficult. I am in the same situation (even though that was more or less cheating in my case) and it is not easy. Let you time. If he is worth it, he will respect you and not do it again. You let him a second chance. Hopefully, he will not waste it, but as a woman, it is important to respect you too. If you feel unhappy in that relationship or too worried to continue, then, you must slowly go away from that as it will not be healthy for you.

I tried to end it with him multiple times but he thinks I am giving up.

Do not let him tell you that you are giving up. You are NOT giving up if you feel no longer happy in that relationships. You are permitting you to be happy. That is different.

I have brought it up a few times I would like to close the distance, and I am willing to move to the US after I am done my program in a year. He seems reluctant to talk about this too.

In long distance relationships, I personally think that it is important to find a way to end the distance as soon as possible. If he does not want to talk about it or are not serious about it, maybe you should ask you serious questions. Is he really in love with you? Do you see yourself with him in 10, 20 years? Do you honestly think he can love you as much as you deserve? If the answer is yes, then give it a try. If you think he is really uncertain about everything, let him time, but know that he will maybe never be ready to commit and to live with you.

Hope it helped. Good luck!

[mseo7]

I want to sincerely thank everyone who posted on this thread.. the responses are very thoughtful and it feels good to be able to share my story with all of you.
As difficult as it is to swallow, the questions and issues you all brought up were relevant and brought clarity in places I could not see for myself.
Long distance relationships are so incredibly difficult. My heart is broken after spending two and a half years hoping this would work out, but I have come to a place where I don't know what to do anymore. The feelings of insecurity, anxiety, fear, doubt, loneliness, sadness.. are so unbearable.
I have so much respect and admiration for those who made it work, and for those who couldn't, don't ever blame yourself. You put in the effort and heart to do one of the most difficult things a person can do... Loving someone from a far distance. It's one of the most beautiful, yet saddest things.