Big age difference !?

[GFI_1155]

Hey guys, me and my SO has a big differwnce age gap im in my 20's and he is in his 40's, its really big but it doesnt really matter to us, as long as both couple are ok with it and how are they mature mentally, for me personality comes first than the look or age.... Lol I think i changed the subject.



So what do you think about that LDR couple who have big age differwnce?

Do you think it would be a problem for you? Or it doesnt matter?


Would like to hear your replies

[stephanieaz]

In the past, I have typically dated younger guys, but not by much. I'm also someone who dates based on personality over looks, age or anything else. I mean, obviously there has to be some physical attraction, but it's certainly not my main concern. I guess I lucked out with my fiance - gorgeous and he has a great personality. As long as you two have common interests and goals, I say go for it!

[XxFranticLovexX]

You would probably get more replies to this in the main long distance discussion subforum. ;D
But to answer your questions...

So what do you think about that LDR couple who have big age difference?
-Whatever they want to do is up to them. If they are comfortable with it, and it's legal, then I see no problem with it. I kind of agree with the whole 'age is just a number' thing to an extent.. just not when it's an adults excuse to be with a young teen/child, but I think it does fit in this situation. If you're both okay with it and you can get past being in different stages of life then go for it!

Do you think it would be a problem for you? Or it doesnt matter?
- I'm 4 years older than my so. I know it's not a big age difference, but being the female in the relationship I sometimes still get a few odd looks when people find out. I have always had this 4 year rule for myself, but I imagine that if I ever found someone that fell outside that range that I clicked with I would still see what it lead to. Honestly, age is the one thing that I usually never even notice in a relationship. I have my boundaries, but those are only guidelines. I'm not going to pass up something that I feel I should pursue just because it pushes against those a bit. Though.. I do have this thing where I don't want to date anyone 30+ any time soon.. but that's just because I feel that I'm not in the same stage as those people at the moment.. and the fact that I always seem to migrate toward guys my age or younger. I'm happy with my relationship as it is though, I just lucked out and he was within the limits that I had already set for myself... and, ironically, he had the same limits set for himself. XD

A little offtopic, but I sometimes wonder if the whole partner selection process isn't based at least somewhat around your parents relationship and/or your relationship with them, at least for males. Why? Because both my SO and my ex are both younger than me. My ex's mother is 10 years older than his father.. and my SO's mother was 10-11 years or so older than his father. It's probably just some interesting little strange coincidence though. XD

[Sora1101]

My only advice would be to really consider if you can start a family with him, you're so young, around the time when people start having kids and your childs father will always be old, would he be able to play sports with his child? Look after an infant when he's 50+? What happens when he passes away at a healthy age and you and your child(ren) are left alone at such a young age? Other than that I don't see a problem with it

[Tooki]

Are you in your low or how 20's and is your SO in his low or high 40's? That can make a big difference.

My GF and I have a 3.5 year age difference. In regards to yourself, there are no legal barriers, so go for it if you feel comfortable .

And my parents have a 16 year age gap. It's manageable

[Zephii]

Been there, done that. We had a 25 year age difference. And of course I was fine with that, I had my rose glasses on Now, because I have the gift of hindsight I'm strongly against it. There is a reason the vast majority of the population are not wired to be attracted to people in different age groups.

For me, I wonder what's wrong with the older person in the relationship. What's so messed up about them that they couldn't find and maintain a meaningful relationship with someone in their peer group? And what do they even see in someone so much younger? When I was that so much younger person, I thought I was just exceptionally mature for my age, and I'm smart/funny/ reasonably loveable.... But! I was also an easy target and I see that now. I was socially awkward, and vulnerable as all hell (I'd only stopped self harming the year before and was still dealing with the issues attached to that). Physically, I had the body of a child more than that of a woman - but it didn't trigger the red flags for me, because I was just happy someone wanted me finally. I also lacked life experience and was as easy as all hell to manipulate. It didn't even occur to me until I'd been with this guy for like three years that he didn't ejaculate when he orgasmed or that such a thing wasn't normal!

So anyway, there's also the practical problems - like how you're going to mesh your friend groups. It's awkward for everyone when you're dating the man that could be your dad. His friends see a child bride. Your friends see a pedophile - or a father figure if you're lucky.
Then there's the when to have kids thing.
And the fact that he's likely to die waaay before you do. Or at least become old and ill at a time when you're still thriving. Will that older person still be able to run after kids? Will they be able to continue to work and contribute or will they become a burden?
What about your families? It's rare as rocking horse shit for the families of the couple to embrace this kind of thing, because except in really rare circumstances, they too sense a general "wrongness" about it.

I've also noticed that (on the forums at least) people in this type of relationship are always hell bent on defending it, or asking what people think about it. I think, if it's so normal to you, if the age gap wasn't a big deal - you wouldn't be asking and making it a big deal. I'll treat a generationally different relationship like any other relationship, the moment the people in it treat it as normal too.

So, that's my very naked opinion on that. I will never again consider having a relationship with someone that much older than me. Even if the man I'd been with had turned out to be a genuinely good bloke (which he wasn't) the cons still outweigh the pros like 5:1. It's not worth it. There's more to relationships than love.

[lucybelle]

I personally think large age gaps are gross. Yes, I said it. And yes, I will offend people. But I'm sorry, it's just super weird to me.

That being said, my SO's sister is currently engaged to a guy much older than she has. Evidently she has always dated older guys. She's 29 (I think) and her fiance is in his 40s or 50s. But he is AWESOME. And I can totally tell why she likes him. Not that I would ever be attracted to someone like him (meaning someone so much older than I am) but he is a great guy.

And I also have two not very close friends who are engaged to or living with much older men. And it just freaks me out. This one girl was 19 and living with a guy in his 40s. How is that even natural?

So I guess what I'm trying to say is the idea of a couple with large age gaps (like 15+ years) make me cringe a little. BUT my SO's sister and her fiance are doing a damn good job of making me change my mind. Though, they're both a little older and make me think that they're making these choices out of love, and not out of vunerability or something.

(am I making any damn sense at all right now?? jeje)

[eveningsky]

So what do you think about that LDR couple who have big age difference?
It's really up to them (as long as it's legal). I'm curious as to why most of the time. There are so many reasons to stay within your own age group as far as serious relationships are concerned: one far more likely to die before the other, the kids thing (both of which Sora mentioned), maturity/general life outlook (people who are younger tend to believe different things and are more flexible than older people), etc. But if it works, than good for you two!
If I'm being truly honest, I'd probably have to agree with lucybelle. Which makes me feel bad

Do you think it would be a problem for you? Or it doesn't matter?
Yes. I'm 23. I would not ever even date anyone more than 5 years older than me or 3 years younger than me (because the maturity levels are different...I don't want to talk about high school and I don't want to talk about starting a family and having kids...obviously I'm generalizing here and stereotyping but there are always exceptions to the norm).

[kimmidyann]

I don't have too many problems with age differences. My older sister is dating a guy about 7 years older than her and they mesh perfectly. It's when they don't mesh that I'm skeptical of it all and then I think "aren't they FAR in age??" hahahaha. Maybe that's my ignorance showing. Either way, LDR or not, age differences only spark a concern when I realize that families could be effected by loss of the elder parent even if they passed at a ripe age.

[Carenza LaRue]

Do you think it would be a problem for you? Or it doesn't matter?

nope..... my ex was 6 years younger .... and my SO is 13 years older than I am

so guess I don't have problems with that..... although I must say, I like it more when my SO is older, wiser, and more experienced....

[dglynn77]

My SO is 4 years older than me and I always tease him about being so old! lol

I have to say, I can't imagine dating someone that much older than me. To me it just seems wrong.

[azarashi]

Age differences aren't a big deal to me. My SO is four and a half years older than I am. I tend to go for people older than myself out of preference anyway.

[lademoiselle]

My mum and dad were a similar age to you and your SO when they met. Almost 30 years later, they're still together

I feel that a relationship like that wouldn't suit me well though. My SO is (a bit under) 2.5 years older than me, and that's perfect for me. I think if you're happy with your partner, if you're compatible and can find common ground, then a large age gap doesn't matter - if the younger person is over the age of 18, that is.

[Romeo s Juliet]

its really a personal preference. if you are ok with it, i think thats all that matters. i think personally that much of a age gap is wayyy crazy for me. but thats just my opinion.

[MadMolly]

I once had a brief romance with a guy 15 years my senior. The age difference wasn't noticeable at first but little things kept cropping up and I ended it pretty quickly because I realised it was too weird for me. I also suspected he was with me because he was obsessed with 'innocence' and youthfulness which gave me the impression he was never going to grow up himself. I got out of there ASAP.

My guy is 8 years older than me and I barely notice it or even think about it, it's not large enough of a gap to be significant at all I think. The only difference is that he earns a lot more money than I do because he's been working for longer I guess!