Big age difference !?

[Kiyama]

My SO and I have an age gap of 13 years. I'm 28 and he's 41. If I was younger, that would be a no way but now it doesn't seem that much. Personally I wouldn't date anyone who was older than him now though. Not only because we'd be in completely different generations but also because of the family question. As some of the previous posters already mentioned, I wouldn't like the dad of my children to be so old.

[Oldblighty]

My father is in an LDR....He's just turned 63, his girlfriend is 27....

They are very happy together but personally I think is odd.........

[Malaga]

Been there, done that. We had a 25 year age difference. And of course I was fine with that, I had my rose glasses on Now, because I have the gift of hindsight I'm strongly against it. There is a reason the vast majority of the population are not wired to be attracted to people in different age groups.

For me, I wonder what's wrong with the older person in the relationship. What's so messed up about them that they couldn't find and maintain a meaningful relationship with someone in their peer group? And what do they even see in someone so much younger?

Exactly.

And if your youthfulness is one of the main pulling factors for him, like it was for MadMolly, what happens in 10 years when you're not quite so youthful anymore? Do you get replaced?

It's just creepy. It's your life OP, you're of legal age and you can make choices for yourself which I respect, but honestly it gives me the creeps.

[Tanja]

The older you get the less the age gap matters. My personal limit would be 10 years older and 5 years younger - I couldn't date someone in their 20s I don't think.

I guess it's up to anyone to make their decision but there are some valid points made in this thread that should be heavily considered.

[GFI_1155]

For me, I wonder what's wrong with the older person in the relationship. What's so messed up about them that they couldn't find and maintain a meaningful relationship with someone in their peer group? And what do they even see in someone so much younger?

well I respect your opinion but its not about why he couldnt find somebody in his age group, at the beganing of our relationship we were friends and day by day we got closer and our relationship and feelings has built, plus I do like it when my BF is much older than me its my interest I do like older people becuz they are experinced, wiser and mature. I knew some guys who were in my age group or the smae age as mine but it didnt realy work for me when I didnt like how they act or how they think,I dont even talk a lot with them during the conversation, I find my self more talkative when I talk to someone as his age group, its really interesting

I've also noticed that (on the forums at least) people in this type of relationship are always hell bent on defending it, or asking what people think about it. I think, if it's so normal to you, if the age gap wasn't a big deal - you wouldn't be asking and making it a big deal. I'll treat a generationally different relationship like any other relationship, the moment the people in it treat it as normal too.

Well im not making a big deal, its just becuz that it is not common to be with someone whos a lot older than you. My sister isnt into older people she says she doesnt know how to talk to them or deal with them so its just something personal how you like your BF to be, I was just asking other people opinions if they are in the same relationship and if they like it and if they are comfortable with it as I am.

[Zephii]

its not about why he couldnt find somebody in his age group

But if he could, why doesn't he? Like, what does he get from being with you? Doesn't that strike you as funky?

I do like older people becuz they are experinced, wiser and mature

Me too, I have quite a few mates who are much older than me. But, I don't build a future with them. All your firsts are his "been there, done that". Don't you miss the excitement of sharing the adventure of life with someone?

I was just asking other people opinions if they are in the same relationship and if they like it and if they are comfortable with it as I am.

Mmmhmm, but how many times do you see threads that say "My SO is the same age as me... what is your opinion on that?" Or "I'm hetrosexual/ dating someone of the same race/ like vanilla sex... what's your opinion of that?" ... the answer is, you don't. Because these people consider their relationships normal from the outset. All I'm saying is if you want people to treat it as something that isn't gross and freaky, you need to start by speaking as if it's normal yourself. (I give this same advice to people who cop flack for being in LDRs too... it's all about how you carry yourself).

I think age gaps within reason are fine, like, say a decade - when you're 30 and he's 40, it's like.. who cares? But... beyond that? Something's just a bit funky!

[leonsfangirl]

Gotta say im surprised at your response Zephii.
You could use a similer way of thinking to dimiss long distance relationships.... like he couldnt find someone in his own country, dont you find that abit funky?
Just because someone falls for someone outside the "normal" it shouldnt be perceived as a personality failing or something wrong with either of the people involved.
Ive just hit 30 (september) and my SO is in his early 40's, our age has never been an issue. If people fall in love and it's not illegal then go for broke, having said that i think a 20 year old with an 80 year old is abit odd.

[D.4C]

i am 41..and my girlfriend is 28..and to us..it isn't a big deal at all..love knows no age..if the two of you are good with it...then that's all that matters

[Oldblighty]

Being ten or fifteen years difference in age doesn't really bother me and I actually think that's fine but I do not agree with some old man being with a twenty something year old. As mentioned above my 63 year old father is dating a 27 year old and I just can't get my head round it. Don't get me wrong I'm happy that he is happy but what 63 year old man wouldn't be with a twenty something year old hanging off his arm. She is already talking about having kids with my father and this just makes me want to throw up. I will be glad when I move to the states because then I won't have to see them together.....

Some will come back & say that I'm wrong for thinking the way I do, but until it's your father then you won't know.....

[Kanga]

Huge age gaps are weird for me. I couldn't personally do it. Like 20 years apart when you just get out of high school? Why? Why not find someone your own age or in your age bracket. Not to mention he's more than likely in a different stage in life than you are. He's been there and done that. He knows all the "tricks" he knows how to make your heart melt, make you feel great, etc. I mean what about things you like to do, does he like to them as well? Like for me its like what do we have in common vs what we don't.

My best friend was 19 when she met her baby's father, he was 30 or so? I kept wondering what this guy saw in her I swear it was just about sex. Then a month into dating she got pregnant, and now has a 3 year old. At 23 she uses the same line he thinks I'm mature for my age, he loves me, he's like a big kid really so it works, etc. The things she says makes me want to pull my hair out. They are still together, but she did say in passing if they didn't have a kid, they wouldn't be together. I'm not sure why that is to be honest. Not sure if its age or compatibility.

In your 20's your still growing mentally, physically, emotionally and you change so much as a person, who I was at 18 I'm sure as hell am not at 24. If I could go back and kick my own ass at 18 I would. In my opinion, if you're 20 dating someone twice your age. I would be like why? I mean yes, granted guys in their early 20s are immature(not all, but the ones I've met are) and definitely don't have their stuff together, but who does at that age? You learn from dating around with people in your age group and finding out what you want with someone else.

If someone is say in their 30s and up dating a 60 year old, or a 25 dating a 30 year old. I wouldn't question it for some reason, but a man or a woman whos 40 and up messing around with...a 20+ year old is kind of weird to me.

I'm older than my SO by 2 years or so.

Whatever makes you happy, though, but thats just my opinion.

[Haley53]

Ive just hit 30 (september) and my SO is in his early 40's, our age has never been an issue. If people fall in love and it's not illegal then go for broke, having said that i think a 20 year old with an 80 year old is abit odd.

But you're both likely in similar life stages.

Personally I don't like age gaps. I'm more inclined to agree with Zephii and lucybelle. I don't believe that Zephii's opinion can be generalised to "why couldn't he find someone in his own country" because finding someone inside or outside of your country is entirely different, and more about chance, than deciding you've fallen in love with someone 20 years younger. You should not fall for someone 20 years younger, because when you're 20, you're at an entirely different place than when you're 40, mentally and emotionally (components that have nothing to do with geographical location and hence why they're not comparable). You change the most, statistically, between 20 and 30, even moreso than in adolescence, which is why I have more of an issue with such a big gap when someone is in their 20s versus when someone is in their 30s, though I still have an issue with age gaps, especially when age gaps tend to be 10+ years. It is sometimes dependent on the individual couple, but for the most part, I have an issue with it.

I tend to have a lot of older friends as well. Always have. Even at 13, 14, 15, I spent more time conversing with adults, and I'd go so far as to say being friends with some adults, than I did with people my own age. At 18, it was the same, but had any one of them developed feelings for me, I would have gone running. My sister is 18 and was dating a man in his 40s. She said she liked older men for the same reasons you did and she said he liked her because she was mature. She was convinced that because she's smart and does have a sense of maturity around some things that that was why he liked her. It wasn't until after she ended the relationship that she realised he was taking advantage and had more or less used her for young pussy. I can't generalise that to every relationship, but I have seen more than one relationship in which the college-aged girl or the young 20s thought she was special because this older, wise, more mature man saw something in her, like, as Zephii mentioned, exceptional maturity, and that is often not the case. It takes a lot to show me that there are not ulterior motives or that someone in his 40s isn't wanting someone that age for his own reasons, not even for malintent like to use her for sex but even so much as to feel attractive and young again. My father was also in his 40s when my mother was in her 20s, and he essentially trapped her into marriage by taking advantage of her naivite. He saw what he had and used his age to manipulate it, because no wiser woman would have been stupid enough to go for a man like my father.

I think my main issue with age gaps is that it tends to make the younger person (and by 20s I'm assuming mid-20s at most, but I may be reading the tone of your posts wrong) think that they're mature, wise, smart, etc. and that tends to lead to looking at the relationship through the rose-coloured glassed of "ooh, someone so much older and distinguished chose me. " I don't believe that someone in his 40s, who should be at least somewhat established by now, should be interested in someone who is probably still working on establishing theirs. They are two completely different life stages. You'll be solidifying your career (assuming you went high school -> uni -> grad school) around the same time he'll be hitting his mid-life crisis. I don't know. It's strange to me. I know I'll end up offending someone, but I've never seen a relationship with such an age gap work. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I have had more people lament their 10-15+ year age gap, at least the younger that they are, than I have seen the success of a healthy relationship for too long. That's my opinion.

[Dezface]

My guy is 7 years older than me. We're at the same point in life so age doesn't matter in the least. If we were wanting different things it could be a problem.

[Moon]

People read your history, old men hooking up with young women is not exactly a new phenomenon As for over-analyzing it, and asking all the "why?"s, it's pretty simple. Men do it because it makes them feel youthful and powerful, totally boosts their ego. Some young women are attracted to older men for the security aspect, or for financial reasons, or because they feel more protected and taken care of, or because of the supposed wordly maturity of the old guy. Whatever, if it's legal, and nobody gets hurt, who are we to judge?

Personally, I'd never, ever go for anyone more than a couple of years older than me, I would go about 10 years younger though! I'm simply not attracted or interested in that, and I agree with lucybelle, I find it gross, but to each their own. I find I don't have enough common experiences with anyone too far in either direction, the things that influenced our lives are just too different.

[Justalexi]

My SO and I are 14 years apart and we don't notice the difference at all. The only time I actually remember I'm younger than him is when someone asks about it. I dont think I could be with anyone too much older though as the lifestyle is too different, we'd be at different points in life.

But as far as I'm concerned, Aslong as its legal and both parties are happy; I don't see anything wrong with it.

[Haley53]

People read your history, old men hooking up with young women is not exactly a new phenomenon

I'm not sure whether this was directed at me, but I never meant to imply that it was new. I find it as appalling when I read about it in history (potentially even more depressing because the ages were even younger than the legal age is now) as I do when I see it today. I didn't mean to come off as neglecting or negating history!