18 years old: Going even though my parents don't want me to go

[Saleanah]

I've been waiting for a long time to finally go meet him. My grandparents/family think it is very unsafe for me to go across the country for the first time alone. They think I won't come back or i'll end up dead/a sex slave. I know it's "possible". But I also know it won't happen considering i'll be safe because my SO will be picking me up from the airport and such. I turn 18 soon, get my passport soon, and will be going to England from S.C (USA) in March.... my family still doesn't like the idea.

But i'm going anyways.. (hope that doesn't sound too selfish, but what else do i do?)
Anyone else had this problem?

[kittyo9]

Story of my life. :P

We tried really hard to have my SO come see me first. He tried twice to come see me but was denied a visa both times. My mother protested furiously to me going to see him, pointing to the US department of state website (never read that before a trip... lol) but we had no other options, so I gathered myself and went anyway.

[dragonlady]

tip's to be save, give you'r parent the adress of where you are going the name of the person you will be with phonenumbers if you have any
send them a tex message when you arrive and one 3 hour's later so they know it all oke and they don't have to call the national guard
and if (he probably won't, but just in case) he askes for you'r passport don't give it if he want to have it any way run like hell!
don't want to you to get scared just for you to be save!
tell you'r parent that you will do these thing's and they know that you won't do anything stupid

have fun!

[kiara_silver]

Semi can relate. I didn't go to my SO our first visit, no money and such, but if I had I know my parents would have flipped. His first visit here, my mom even though I wasn't living with them, and I was 18, didn't want me alone with him in a different town then them, and he was never allowed to stay the night. Well two weeks into his visit, I was in san francisco, I called her and told her I wasn't coming home, we made plans, and that after this we would be travelling together. My mom was mad, said I was breaking her heart, that shes upset. But she got over it, and took it really well afterwards. I made sure to call her daily, so she was reasurred and was fine after that. It was a good thing in the end, I got some independence, and she got to see im growing and don't need permission for everything.
Then when I told them I am leaving to Scotland for 5 months.... That was a really intense phone call. I told them months in advance, and that call did not go well at all. I wont even share what was said. But I said I was still going, and they saw it wasn't as bad as they thought, I kept in touch and after a month, they didn't need to hear from me every week, they knew I was safe.
My advice, reassure them that you will keep them posted, and get in contact with them often. Ease there worries just a bit that you wont just vanish without any word.

[Justalexi]

I was 18 when I called my mum in new Zealand (I was living with family in Australia) and told her I was moving to England to be with my SO, and that didn't go down too well. Physically, she couldn't stop me considering I was already in another country, but I knew I wanted her support with the move. It took her a few months, acceptance of my visa, tickets booked, for her to finally come around to the idea, but it was worth the waiting.
You just need to kindly remind your family that you're a legal (or soon to be) adult and that you can make your own decisions. Give them all the details of your visit, addresses, phone numbers, flight details, etc and hopefully that's enough to keep them calm.
I know my mum felt a lot better about the situation after she had spoken to my SO through email breifly, a bit of piece of mind.
Good luck, I hope they come around to the idea.

[lyonsgirl]

Look, I get that you want to meet him. But, I'll be honest with you. As long as you live with your parents (no, going to college doesn't count, because you're still a dependent) you have to play by their rules. If you can afford the trip completely on your own, you MIGHT have some leverage with them.

But going to them and whining and crying (I'm not suggesting you have, just using this as an example) and demanding they let you meet him does not do much for them even considering treating you like an adult. I know you'll be 18 soon (or just turned 18) but just because you're "legally" allowed to do things doesn't mean you're actually ready to. They are your family, and they're not doing this to spite you. Promise. They're doing it because they love you and worry about you.

If you want to get them on board, Skype with him and let your parents talk to him - without you there for a little bit. Hope it works out for you, though.

[kria]

Wow, your story sounds like deja vu, Saleanah! When I first decided to go visit my SO for the first time, my mom said the EXACT same thing! Although, she did add something about my SO could lock me in a basement, never allowing me to return home. :P We had many arguments about this. Lucky for her, the job I was trying to get to make the money to go see him, hired someone else. That prevented me from going. However, he came to me instead. When I did travel to him the first time, it was my first time traveling and I was alone, but I have went to him two times now and have made it home safely.
Just make sure to ask questions if you're not sure about something instead of trying to figure it out. It may look strange or suspicious. Make sure the person you do ask works at the airport. They may look scary, but they are there to help you.

[aniay]

Sometimes parents are right, sometimes they are wrong. When I was going to meet my boyfriend when I was eighteen and had to travel to another city I aranged to go with someone.

It IS not wise to travel alone and saddly parents have right and rason to worry for you.

I'd let them meet the guy first, even online, maybe not jump in head first into going, Doing things just BECAUSE not considering consequences is a very immature thing to do and you might risk your parents never trusting you again if you do something crazy and childlish.

And if you do plan to go anyway, leave the adresses, phones, contacts... EVERYTHING.

Imagine you have a daughter, I know It's hard in your age but would you like your kid to go to a completely different country to meet someone who is stranger to you?

All in all I do hope your situation turns out OK. Stay safe!

[SquishyLove]

Actually, if you stay in the airport and don't leave your baggage unattended, the actual air travel is fairly safe these days. Don't talk to strangers. Don't carry a bag that's easily stolen. Use common sense. Have some money to get a ticket home if you need to. I was 28 when I flew to Russia to visit my husband for the first time, and I knew my parents were pretty concerned. I had him Skype with all of us together a few times, and he sent a scan of his passport and driver's license to them so they could easily see that he was who he said he was. I gave them the contact info of where I would be the whole time so they could reach me easily. I called them as soon as I got there. I don't have other advice for how to make them less worried, because there's really no way. I don't necessarily agree that you have to "play by their rules" while living with them. As far as the household itself goes, yes, but as far as your freedom to come and go as you please, no. I don't think the OP is going to use her parents' money to travel, so she should be allowed to travel if she wants to, even if her parents don't like the idea. My sister has been to South Korea three times for the past three summers and she was 20 the first time she went. I went to Russia twice, myself. I'm thankful my parents weren't so oppressive not to let us travel and experience going to another country. Of course they had worries and concerns, but they'd have been crappy parents if they tried to stop us from growing as people and travelling.