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How do I know if he's serious with me? I'm getting depressed.

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    How do I know if he's serious with me? I'm getting depressed.

    Hi, I've been lurking around this site for a while and I think I am in an LDR for two months now. My SO and I met in a weird way. I downloaded the Omegle app in my phone and tried chatting once and we piqued each other’s interest. We had so much fun talking on Skype and we connected because of our similar interests and similar lives. We were happy whenever we talk, and he keeps saying that he’ll try to come in my country in the next six months. So from there, it blossomed into something else. But I’m not really sure about everything right now because I have never done this before.

    You see, I always make time for him and try to go online as much as possible. He’s really excited whenever we talk and he says that he misses me. We’ve exchanged our ‘I love yous’ and committed ourselves into the relationship. We haven’t broadcasted anything on Facebook though because we have to meet in person first.

    But the problem is, he doesn’t make the extra effort of sparing some time to go on Skype when he’s available to talk with me. Right now, we are only able to talk for 15 minutes every day (or sometimes not at all) because he said he can’t wake up earlier to talk with me. When he gets home from work, he sends me one text that he’s home and that’s it. I don’t feel like I’m important or that we’re in this together. And it’s been two months. We’ve already talked about our relationship and he said that this is a serious relationship and that we’re committed to each other but I feel otherwise.

    Am I being too clingy? Is he not giving much effort and time into this? I tried talking with him about his lack of time for me and he said sorry but nothing’s changing at the moment. We still talk for only 10 to 15 minutes every other day and I’m feeling so depressed about it. I don’t want to tell him that he needs to exert time and effort into this because he might think I’m an overly attached girlfriend.

    Sorry for the long rant. I just needed to vent out my feelings somewhere. We live 8,000 miles away from each other and it’s making me crazy.

    Thanks!

    #2
    What are the reasons he gives for not being available when he gets home from work?
    You seem to have quite a time difference so I think it's pretty normal not to be able to talk too much during the week. You'll find quite a few people on here who don't even get to speak to their SOs every day. 15 mins a day is pretty good in my opinion. I understand you would like to talk more but you both have your own lives to live as well and schedules inevitably clash.
    What I would suggest is that you set up a Skype date at the weekend, a few hours that belong just to the two of you every week. That's what me and my SO do and it works out well for us

    Comment


      #3
      Yeah, we're trying to straighten things out right now and he said we can talk every Saturdays and Sundays for about three hours. I think that's great advice, and yes, we have a 15-hour difference in time zones. It's crazy!

      Thanks!

      Comment


        #4
        yeah you really should be happy you get to talk to your SO that often.
        in my situation I'm lucky if I can talk to her once on week days as she only gets back home from her dorms (no internet sadly) once every other weekend!

        Comment


          #5
          Hi Willi211191,

          Yeah I think things are getting better now because I'm learning to be contented with our situation. But hey, I'm just curious about your SO. I'm from the Philippines too. Where in the Philippines does she reside in?

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by chizatlauren View Post
            Hi, I've been lurking around this site for a while and I think I am in an LDR for two months now. My SO and I met in a weird way. I downloaded the Omegle app in my phone and tried chatting once and we piqued each other’s interest. We had so much fun talking on Skype and we connected because of our similar interests and similar lives. We were happy whenever we talk, and he keeps saying that he’ll try to come in my country in the next six months. So from there, it blossomed into something else. But I’m not really sure about everything right now because I have never done this before.

            You see, I always make time for him and try to go online as much as possible. He’s really excited whenever we talk and he says that he misses me. We’ve exchanged our ‘I love yous’ and committed ourselves into the relationship. We haven’t broadcasted anything on Facebook though because we have to meet in person first.

            But the problem is, he doesn’t make the extra effort of sparing some time to go on Skype when he’s available to talk with me. Right now, we are only able to talk for 15 minutes every day (or sometimes not at all) because he said he can’t wake up earlier to talk with me. When he gets home from work, he sends me one text that he’s home and that’s it. I don’t feel like I’m important or that we’re in this together. And it’s been two months. We’ve already talked about our relationship and he said that this is a serious relationship and that we’re committed to each other but I feel otherwise.

            Am I being too clingy? Is he not giving much effort and time into this? I tried talking with him about his lack of time for me and he said sorry but nothing’s changing at the moment. We still talk for only 10 to 15 minutes every other day and I’m feeling so depressed about it. I don’t want to tell him that he needs to exert time and effort into this because he might think I’m an overly attached girlfriend.

            Sorry for the long rant. I just needed to vent out my feelings somewhere. We live 8,000 miles away from each other and it’s making me crazy.

            Thanks!
            My SO and I have had a lot of issues with communication over the last 7.5 years, but nothing really changed until we met in person about 6 months ago. Before, I was able to accept that I'm difficult to communicate with, and that I would often fall to the side because he had "real life" issues to deal with. But after meeting and having all that face to face time together, I couldn't go back to speaking to him properly only a few times a week. Now most days he finds time to have a "proper" conversation with me. It might be iMessaging or something, but I need that period of back and forward communication daily in order to feel like I'm in a relationship. Of course, he works and often goes out with friends, and I don't hear from him then, but that' s fine. As long as he sets aside some time everyday (and I do the same). Although, our time difference is only usually 5 hours, and 4 hours right now due to daylight savings.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by chizatlauren View Post
              Hi Willi211191,

              Yeah I think things are getting better now because I'm learning to be contented with our situation. But hey, I'm just curious about your SO. I'm from the Philippines too. Where in the Philippines does she reside in?
              I couldn't PM you, so writing here:
              glad to know things are getting better for you!
              my SO's in GenSan, studying at Mindanao State University but actually lives in South Cotobato (hence she stays at the dorms )

              Comment


                #8
                Wow! 7.5 years? That's such a long time to be in an LDR, but I admire you for that. Yeah it really is different if you can see each other even for just 10 minutes everyday, so I'm trying my best to not complain. It's still hard though Well LDR is hard in general. I hope we can all conquer this.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by lafleur View Post
                  My SO and I have had a lot of issues with communication over the last 7.5 years, but nothing really changed until we met in person about 6 months ago. Before, I was able to accept that I'm difficult to communicate with, and that I would often fall to the side because he had "real life" issues to deal with. But after meeting and having all that face to face time together, I couldn't go back to speaking to him properly only a few times a week. Now most days he finds time to have a "proper" conversation with me. It might be iMessaging or something, but I need that period of back and forward communication daily in order to feel like I'm in a relationship. Of course, he works and often goes out with friends, and I don't hear from him then, but that' s fine. As long as he sets aside some time everyday (and I do the same). Although, our time difference is only usually 5 hours, and 4 hours right now due to daylight savings.
                  Wow! 7.5 years? That's such a long time to be in an LDR, but I admire you for that. Yeah it really is different if you can see each other even for just 10 minutes everyday, so I'm trying my best to not complain. It's still hard though Well LDR is hard in general. I hope we can all conquer this.

                  Comment

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