The dark side of questions

[Zephii]

This is a great debate because I kept on pushing my SO to let our future kids have dual citizenship (Fil/Am) and become bilingual. I don't want them to grow up not knowing about my culture, but my SO is not really keen on our kids speaking Filipino without him understanding them.

My SO was the same when I said I want to send our brats to a bilingual school (probably french, as we'll be in Canada). I really wish I had a second or third language, and I want to make that easier for my kids. My SO also only speaks English and reckons he doesn't notice a lack, and doesn't want our kids to know a language he doesn't understand.

My solution to that is for the kids not to know he doesn't speak French. And that's probably as easy as learning to say "We speak English at home please" in French. I know a little and might be able to pick it back up if there were people around me who spoke it.

But yeah, couldn't your SO learn just the basics? It doesn't make sense to deny your kids a big part of their culture just because he doesn't know it.

[Tooki]

If you raise the children with two languages, you shouldn't run into any problems with language confusion. My GF's nephews live in an Estonian/English speaking household and they know who to speak to in Estonian and who to speak to in English. Whenever I visit, the older nephew always talks to me in English unless he only knows how to say something in Estonian. If you want to make it easier for the children, you can speak to them in Filo and your SO can speak to them in English.

Your SO also has no excuses to learn some of your language chizalauren. If you speak in Filo to your kids, he will ultimately pick up bits and pieces of the language. Estonian is a brutally hard language to learn but I will try to learn as much as I can. Your SO cannot lose anything by learning another language.

With all of that said, my kids will probably end up going to an English language school unless we live in Estonia. If we are living in Europe or Australia, they will have opportunities to learn a third language in school or university.

[JoeyBug]

If you raise the children with two languages, you shouldn't run into any problems with language confusion. My GF's nephews live in an Estonian/English speaking household and they know who to speak to in Estonian and who to speak to in English. Whenever I visit, the older nephew always talks to me in English unless he only knows how to say something in Estonian. If you want to make it easier for the children, you can speak to them in Filo and your SO can speak to them in English.

Your SO also has no excuses to learn some of your language chizalauren. If you speak in Filo to your kids, he will ultimately pick up bits and pieces of the language. Estonian is a brutally hard language to learn but I will try to learn as much as I can. Your SO cannot lose anything by learning another language.

With all of that said, my kids will probably end up going to an English language school unless we live in Estonia. If we are living in Europe or Australia, they will have opportunities to learn a third language in school or university.

My god-daughter goes to school with a few bilingual children. One lived in a French household and knew to speak French at home, but outside the house to speak English at school and such. They never spoke English to him, but he picked it up from TV and other social things like play school and such. Another is in a Russian household and he's the translator for his grandfather who speaks very little English. I don't know if they speak English at home at all, but he's fluent in both.

It's a great advantage for the kids because they are already bilingual and are ahead of those children (the majority in her school) who only know one language and a few phrases in others.

[Tooki]

It definitely is an advantage. Another of my GF's nephews can speak Russian as well as Estonian, because his grandmother speaks to him in Russian and he watches Russian TV.

[sewbama]

As far as all the family stuff like taking care of elderly or sick or young family members, I'm pretty sure I won't have to deal with it. I'm the third child of six. My dad's wife is also 14 years younger than him, so she's likely to take care of him (nevermind that they both hate me and would likely rather die in a gutter than leave themselves to my care). I have two baby brothers that are 14 and 16 years younger than me. When they were very young, I knew I'd do anything for them. Take care of them if something happened. But I'm the unlikeliest choice, now. My older sisters are both married (one with 2 kids, the other with none, but wants some), and my dad likes my other little brother way more than me.

Oh, and my SO's family consists of his mom. That's all. I think it's much more likely for her to need our care than anyone in my family. Her husband is 10-12 years older than her (about 70 now). I don't know about the extended family, but I don't think she wants to lean on them. So, if it were to come to it, she might rely on us. I'd be ok. I like her. My SO, not so much. They had a pretty awful relationship when he was young because of her drinking.

What kind of education will our kids have? I am interested in private school, or even home schooling our kids. But my SO had an awful experience when he went to private school (just for a few years). He really doesn't want that for our kids... I figure we've got at least 6 years to decide.

One that I'm starting to consider: Could I be a stay at home mom? At this point, the answer is maybe, if we can afford it when the time comes. But knowing that he is willing to be the sole bread-winner for us until the kids are in school at least.

[JoeyBug]

I know this has been mentioned in a few posts but I wondered if people had opinions on this one:

What would you do if, while still LD (or SD if you want) and your partner become sick/disabled etc, and needed you to become their carer when you closed the distance?

Obviously, it would all be dependant on the money situation, I'm just wondering how many people would be able to cope with that kind of situation. It's been discussed between Scott and I because I was already sick and disabled when we met in 2002, by the time we reconnect in 2010, I was needing 24hr care and my best friend was providing it. If and when we close the distance, that will remain the same. Scott will join my pre made "family" of my best friend and her daughter and will be the one to work to support myself and him. Obviously, things could change and my friend could move out and then I think Scott would take over the care if there was no one else and we'd have to get by on benefits as I do now. That is, of course, a worse case scenario. It's not something either of us would want, but with my health the way it is, we've had to discuss it. The likelihood of B, my best friend, not being able to care for me is slim. We're both very happy with our arrangement and Scott is very happy to move in and keep it that way.