dealing with hurt feelings

[Carenza LaRue]

Hiya...

haven't been here for a few weeks.

I felt this wasn't my place anymore since my SO and I broke up.

but now a few weeks have passed and the horrible feelings that come with a break up are getting worse.
can't talk to people in my circle.... cause they haven't been in an LDR themselves and they do not know how it feels to deal with a heartache caused by someone who has never been around in my real life.

I don't know where I belong now.... I don't feel single.... still feel like being part of a couple, with my SO living miles and miles away...
but yet I am single.

my friends don't know him, never seen me with him.... so they don't know how to react.
they cannot understand why I feel devastated inside.... they keep saying I will be fine after some time... and of course I will.... but for some odd reason, they don't see me as a person who just came out of a relationship..... I 'feel' single to them... and always have been.... so they just don't understand .

I know, time will heal that wound....
but still..... I can't get over the loss. it's for the better that we split up, so no regrets here, but odd thing is.... it feels like somebody or something died and it's hard to deal with that. I am stuck.... can't cut myself loose from him. we don't talk, we don't send messages or stuff.... it's gone and will never come back, so I have no false hopes.... it's just that it feels like he died.... and I mourn the fact that we can never talk again. I miss the good things we shared... and I so want THAT back..
it's hard to explain....

have you ever been in the same place and how did you deal with it?

[JoeyBug]

I have been in that position. I was in a failed LDR, that nearly resulted in marriage. For a long time after the engagement was broken off, it was hard to define myself as far as my relationship status. I wasn't engaged anymore, but I didn't feel single either. I felt like I was just without my partner and that because I hadn't seen him for a while, it felt like before when we were still together. I mean, things like going online were suddenly weird because I wasn't going online and talking with him. I'd pick up the phone to call him with news and then I'd realise I couldn't. It is like a form of grieving and it will take time, I know you've heard it all that time is a great healer, but don't try to push yourself to be "single" or out of a relationship, not until you're ready.

As for your friends, it's hard to give advice on that because I had supportive friends and family (mostly) and the ones who weren't supportive, the ones who said "I told you so" weren't around because I didn't contact them to have my face rubbed in the fact that my relationship had failed. The bit that really got me, was that it was nothing to do with the distance (my ex was having an affair) and could have happened to anyone in any kind of relationship. But some people fixated on the fact that because it was an LDR, it was doomed to failure. I tried to focus on my feelings more than theirs and just told myself that in time, it would pass and my real prince charming would appear...

So, to you, and I wish you all the luck in the world as you get through this difficult time!

[dragonlady]

i feel for you and wish i could do anything to help, but i have no idea how to handle that
i can only wish you the best and hope the feeling gets better over time
bigg hugg!!

[Ahava]

There is nothing much to say that will make the pain smaller. One day it won't hurt as much as it does now.
And LDR is just like any other relationship when it comes to the feelings in the heart. We may not see our partners/spend time with them as much as in an CDR, but the feelings, hopes and dreams are the same.
I understand about your friends not understanding. I guess we all may seem "single" to the outside world coz they don't see us with our partners.
Hugs!

[.:*Shaunna*:.]

I haven't been through it myself personally but have been supporting a friend who is going through something similar. I am the only one of her friends in a long distance relationship as the others don't understand. I think it may be because some people have trouble understanding why it's still emotionally hard because they are under the impression that hey you don't see the person that often so what's the big deal?

Don't let anyone undermine what you are going through, you may not have seem him as often as a non-long distance relationship couple but that doesn't mean your love and currently feelings aren't as significant as anothers. Give yourself some time to heal and maybe distract yourself with a hobby or catching up with friends and family

[EnglishMan]

I wont lie, it is a difficult thing to deal with. But its the same with any failed relationship that you didn't want to end.

My ex broke up with me due to distance a little over 6 months ago, due to distance and that she felt it wasnt right with me as someone else seemed to be coming more into her life. It was a tough 3 months, where we didnt speak a shedload and it was quite tense for a good 2 months or so (a lot due to me tbh, as I was hurting and needed answers).

But generally speaking the whole 6 months we've stayed close friends, we're still a bit like lovers. This is what I want, but its still tough. Anytime there's a guy I believe she likes (I keep it to myself) but its hard to take sometimes. There's obviously some emotional confusion and such... but we're good friends and thats what counts to me.

It's hard, but the way I deal with things is to remind myself of other things. She broke up with me, and is ok in starting things with other guys. Which is fair enough, but it reminds me she isn't the one for me as I couldnt do that to her. Its also acceptable considering we're just friends. But this whole thing has let me 're-love' other passions of mine that of course id put to the side a little to spend time with her before. It can be anything, but for me ive gone back to dreaming of things I want to do in the future (for instance, Im quite big on moving abroad if possible).

And you've gotta force yourself too. I know the feeling; post-breakup, you just sit there (or even if you dont stay idle) and think about them, and the good times, and how much you miss them, and how perfect they are... etc etc. Of course that isnt going to make you happy. You just have to force yourself to think more and more about other things. It's a gradual thing and wont happen overnight. I felt awful for a little while and still do at times, but it does get easier with time, you just have to allow it to get easier.

It sucks when you think you've found the one and it doesnt work or they let you down. I truly believe my ex is the perfect girl for me still, and I know deep down I want nothing more than a future with her. But you have to remind yourself that if they were perfect, they'd be with you. And you have to know this is actually a new opportunity, it isnt a closed door. To meet new people. New things. To start afresh. Try to do something you've always wanted to but not gotten around to, a fresh new experience would work wonders.

I dont frequent the forum much these days as I havent been in an LDR in half a year . But feel free to send me a PM if you want and ill try to check more often. Im dealing with the exact same feelings, just further down the line. Time helps, we'll both be ok

[Carenza LaRue]

thanks so far for all the good advice...

I will be back later. at the moment I am struggling with an essay I have to finish.... all work related.
I MUST finish it.... but my mind wanders of all the time.

so it's taking me a lot of effort to stay focussed....

but I will return..... soon.. thanks again.

[LittleBox]

I'm sorry It really is difficult at times. I'm going through a breakup myself and I can do to keep myself together is focusing on my upcoming final exams. Since you've got a work-related essay to finish try and concentrate on that with all your will power. Sometimes friends simply don't understand, especially when it comes to LDRs. Take this opportunity to have a little "me-time", pick up a new hobby, keep your mind distracted in any way you can.

I've been MIA for a while so I've missed quite a lot but have you talked to him about remaining friends? My ex and I spoke of still being friends but at this point I'm struggling with it. Hopefully with time, you'll be able to bridge that gap with him. Maybe you might have to be the first to reach out and show him that you'd still like to have him in your life in some form or another.

Take care and if you need to talk/vent feel free to PM me (: