possibility of a sooner than expected marriage

[Josh451]

My SO and i have been together for 6 months and everything was going great up until this last month. She started feeling sad and hopeless and wanting someone that's in her city but she keeps thinking about me. she can't handle a long distance relationship but she really really wants to be with me. so she told me she will stay with me if we can be together... soon and for a long period of time.

I dont have a degree yet because i just started college so i cant get a work visa. and if i study abroad there i'll exceed the credit limit i need to transfer to the university i want to go to here. my only option is a tourist visa. she said i can go there on a tourist visa and live with her for a month. but she wants us to be together longer and our other option is to get married! i'm too young to get married in China so she wants to get married here and stay with me.

this would be a dream come true! however there are a lot of things we will have to sacrifice and it will be very difficult :/ I've heard a lot of scary things about the K1 visa process. while we are trying to get the k1 visa for her she wants me to stay with her in China for a month. in order for me to do that in the timeframe shes thinking of i would have to quit college for at least a semester and focus on getting enough money to visit her.

we are still trying to figure out the plan but so far we are thinking of staying together in shanghai durring the month of october and it will cost about $1,600. $822 for the round trip flight $500 to pay for living expenses there and the rest for miscellaneous fees ill have to pay to get there. if i dont go to college this semester i have $600 but im kind of worried because this is my dads money :s i think my family and friends will be so mad at me for skipping a semester of school to visit my girlfriend in china and they especially won't like that i'm using their money.

so i need some help. what jobs could i get where i will only work for 2 or 3 months and get at least $1,000 in that time frame? and what could i tell my family to keep them from freaking out? and also what are your thoughts on this whole situation me and her still arent sure if we want to commit to this or just give up on our relationship.

[lyonsgirl]

This all depends on how old you and your SO are.

[Josh451]

I'm 19 I'll be 20 in december. i completed one year of college and i have 2 more years until i can TRANSFER. my SO just turned 22 two months ago she has one more year and she will have a degree in bussiness.

[ThePiedPiper]

I think going for a K1 because she can't handle the distance any longer after only 6 months, and what sounds like not even having met in person (could be wrong on this though), is a bad idea, especially seeing as it involves skipping school and using your parent's money to try and convince the government you don't need anyone's help to support both yourselves. Do you plan on relying on your parents for that too?

[lyonsgirl]

I think going for a K1 because she can't handle the distance any longer after only 6 months, and what sounds like not even having met in person (could be wrong on this though), is a bad idea, especially seeing as it involves skipping school and using your parent's money to try and convince the government you don't need anyone's help to support both yourselves. Do you plan on relying on your parents for that too?

What she said.

PS Pretty sure there aren't any part-time jobs that you can get that will pay you 2k+ in 2 months.

[80anthea]

19 is very young to be getting married to someone you've only known 6-months. If it's meant to be she will wait for you.

so she told me she will stay with me if we can be together... soon and for a long period of time.

Worries me a little, she shouldn't be placing IF statements on your relationship, it doesn't sound right.

[Josh451]

once i got back from my trip i was planning on working until she was able to get here then she said she would start working and i could go back to school

[libelle]

My advice would be to not rush anything ... We all here miss our SO's and yeah sometimes it is unbearable ... But a wedding won't fix anything, at least long-term. First of all, you just began college, and this is a very important part of your life that you just shouldn't delay and put in the background .. It is your education and the foundation for the future. How old is she? Does she have education? If she comes to live with you, where will you two live, what will she work, how will you pay for wedding and living alltogether (food, rent, lalala) ? Do your both's families know anything about that plan? I guess nothing is impossible but do you really need to do this to yourselves at such young age. And what put me off when reading your post was "She will stay with me if we can be together". Of course no one wants to be long distance forever, but setting such ultimatums is childish, you either decide to commit and deal with it or not ...
Have you two actually met? I think you should first look into compromises before jumping to such drastic, foolish in my opinion decisions. A person should get married when he feels ready not when he is being told to do so, in my opinion. So rather plan the next trip to eachother than the wedding already And also, if you want to be together sooner than you finishing your education, isn't there an option of her coming to the USA to study there? Or to work during summer? Or reverse? Just some ideas .. Hope it helped a little.


PS I wrote it before the other posts had appeared, sorry if you answered my questions above already!

[Josh451]

just need to get at least 1k in 2 months

[lyonsgirl]

just need to get at least 1k in 2 months

You're 250% that's all you need?

[Josh451]

its very hard for her to come here to study usually only 1 or 2 students per university there are accepted to come study here. as far as her coming here to work i dont know we would have to look into it more

[Josh451]

You're 250% that's all you need?

i'm pretty sure. also i could get quite a bit of extra money by selling all of my video games and my tv

[Kristin91]

19 is very young to be getting married to someone you've only known 6-months. If it's meant to be she will wait for you.

This is what I was thinking... Marriage isn't something you should rush into, especially when you're so young. It's not like you have known each other for years and this is something you've been planning for a while. IMHO you shouldn't get married if she's pressuring you to make the commitment. You're young, you're naive when it comes to the real-world (don't say you're not all young adults are), and you should know each other better.

Also, I don't think she should be encouraging you to put off school for a semester or more just so you can afford to go visit her "within her timeframe". Honestly, it sounds like you both could use a little growing up. Also, your parents better be upset if you use their hard-earned money to go visit your gf when you're supposed to be in school!

Don't let us discourage you, but I think you could use a good dose of common sense.

[mllebamako]

I think going for a K1 because she can't handle the distance any longer after only 6 months, and what sounds like not even having met in person (could be wrong on this though), is a bad idea, especially seeing as it involves skipping school and using your parent's money to try and convince the government you don't need anyone's help to support both yourselves. Do you plan on relying on your parents for that too?

Agree on all of the above.

It seems like your girlfriend (or maybe both of you) are putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on you. Of course most people don't want to be in an LDR, it is not the ideal situation. But it's also a better alternative than forcing something that you are not ready for, financially and or otherwise.

Also, on the practical side of things, you know that the K1 visa is very expensive and has a financial requirement (as in you need to make a certain amount of money every month or have a certain amount in the bank) as well?

[Hollandia]

If she loves you enough to marry you for a lifelong commitment, she should love you enough to wait till the timing is right and not rushed. You are both pretty young and have not been seeing each other that long.

My HUGE red flag is her not so veiled threat of wanting someone in her city if you won't give her what she wants. I would never say that in a billion years to my SO of over a few years. We know you don't marry because of an LDR ever, you marry if you wish to marry only. Marriage is supposed to be for good and tends to bring kids into the picture at some point too. You ready for all that?