possibility of a sooner than expected marriage

[Black_Halloween]

Will she do anything to keep you though? It doesn't appear that this is so if she is pressuring you into moving to China without a concrete support base.

This. She's not willing to do anything to keep you. She's not willing to wait, she's pressuring you into leaving school for her and that's not a good sign. Its her way or the highway and you've only been together for 6 months. You're way too young to be making these kind of drastic decisions.

[aniay]

Mariage is not a band-aid for anything.

LDR is a great way to test feelings and commitment, as some of others said if she's so willing to break up with you and gets interested with someone else. When you need someone, and not that particular one, it's not time to marry. Even though you might feel like it's the only way of keeping someone you love you deserve same commitment from the other side.
Marriage is about equality. Ask yourself if she would be willing to drop everything and come to you. On the other hand ask yourself... would you consider anyone else as she did?

And at 19, even though you think you are so adult and responsible and clever... you are not. You can find the love of your life even when you are 13 but every relationship needs to mature up, and we mature up till the end of our lives.
You still have life in front of you and you deserve someone who will love you as strong as you will love them.
I maried being 19, after 10 years I can see how childish it was.

[LadyDaemon]

Will she do anything to keep you though? It doesn't appear that this is so if she is pressuring you into moving to China without a concrete support base.

^^THIS.

[MattDavies86]

It all sounds a bit dodgy to me mate, why can't she wait if she really loves you? Have you actually met in person yet? (sorry if you mentioned previously but I couldn't see an answer to that question). You need to take it slow, yes you feel strong for this girl but she should feel the same, and this is your life your talking about, it's all good being passionate saying you'll do anything for her, but if you fuck your life up and your university stuff then what good is your future going to be when you need a stable job, good income etc trying to get a home, taking care of a family etc, it won't be easy, have to be level headed, have you ever been to China before too? What if you don't like it there, are you just going to take that? And as previously said, from my knowledge of the K1 visa they can be a nightmare and they want a LOT of paperwork about the both of you. I don't think it's an easy road.

[abna1]

i dont think she can wait :'( im just so afraid of losing her and im willing to do anything to keep her

I hope you're actually reading what everyone is saying.

I have to agree 100% with the comments. I know you don't want to hear all this right now but as we would say in Germany "you're wearing your pink shades" as in you're so infatuated with this woman, that you can't see what's really going on.
You're so young and like a lot of people said, getting married right now isn't going to help with getting a K1 visa. You'd be stuck in the same situation.. just married. It would just make it more difficult.
I know you have strong feelings for, but seriously think about what she is asking you to do and ask yourself if that is what people do when they love someone. I don't think so.

My SO and I are both still at uni. We love to think about getting married one day. When we have our degrees ! He doesn't mind that we're looking at another 4 years LD. He doesn't mind that I can only visit him once or twice a year.. because he loves me and wants the best possible future for us, when we get married.

It's all about time and being on the same page with your partner when it comes to building a future and doing the best you can for yourself so you can make it together. You know that you're not ready financially. Please just talk to her about it. If she refuses.. then you know where you're at. She's basically saying "If you don't do what I want, I'll find a Chinese guy" That's emotional blackmail ! It will not work out in the long run and you'll regret having skipped school.

[jo28]

What else can I add? I agree with the previous posters when they say that you need to talk it out and let the relationship mature.

One thing I will say is that before making any decision, meet in person!! She says she wants to be with you but she wants someone physically there. You have been together for 6 months now, maybe you two should compromise and meet in person. I'm not here to bash on online relationship -as I went through one myself- but there's so much you can know of a person just by chatting. I find that to know if you are compatible with someone, you need to experience at least some moments together. That said, can you just visit her? Or maybe meet up in a place in between for both of you? We all know that international relationships can make a whole in our pockets but there are some things that you need to be willing to sacrifice...and not just you but her as well.

If she wants to work things out then try setting a first visit and a countdown, normally this keeps you (and her) focused on something positive of the relationship. But you need to see some enthusiasm/work from her side. As an option to make money, you can try to sell online random stuff that you have or find something you are good at and try to cash it out.

You need to talk to her and find a way to compromise, if she says that she can't really wait then I say: get out of it. It seems to me that she wants YOU to sacrifice things for her while she just waits for her knight in shining armor. It's normal for people in LDR to have the need of being reassured but talking about marriage this soon should be a red flag.

Remember, a relationship works both ways.

[Josh451]

she's never actually said "I love you" before :/ she says its hard for her to love someone. but recently she said she thought she would say it when i stay with her for a month

[LadyDaemon]

she's never actually said "I love you" before :/ she says its hard for her to love someone. but recently she said she thought she would say it when i stay with her for a month

This right here in of itself says neither of you are ready to get married. She's being ridiculous and she's not being fair to you to be honest. She's dangling "I love yous" and feelings in front of you to get what she wants and that is immature and childish.

[ThePiedPiper]

This right here in of itself says neither of you are ready to get married. She's being ridiculous and she's not being fair to you to be honest. She's dangling "I love yous" and feelings in front of you to get what she wants and that is immature and childish.

I agree with this... Whether or not she's doing it consciously, she's utilizing and withholding various forms of affection and verbage to get what she wants from you. If it was her simply saying "we need to spend some time in person before I can decide that," okay, but it sounds like she's holding things over your head as a way of going so far as to even pressure you into marriage. Not to be a bitch, but are you sure she's not trying to get a quick and easy green card?

[TwoThree]

she's never actually said "I love you" before :/ she says its hard for her to love someone. but recently she said she thought she would say it when i stay with her for a month

That sounds like emotional blackmail to me. Plain and simple.

[Tooki]

That sounds like emotional blackmail to me. Plain and simple.

I agree. Putting a time frame on when she will say 'I love you' bleeds emotional blackmail.

[Josh451]

i talked to her some more and she has a new proposal which is pretty much the same thing only without marriage


"[2/2]every summer meet before graduation ,i promise i Will never cheat on u ,and i may have enough money to visit u there once

[1/2]i Will give u three months to get here ,but i have my freedom to date with anyone ,because we keep being friends until we really meet.there is risk ,i may like this boyfriend deep may break up with him before we meet .u may give up during these 3months .or when u get here ,if i still be together with this guy ,then i need to choose again ,maybe no need .if we really meet and decide to do that

do u think its fair?this is what i can think so far"

[TwoThree]

Haha that has to be a joke.

Sorry.

It's just beyond me how you could still be with such a cold-hearted b****. Seriously, man. Not worth the risk, pain and money. Dump her and move on.

[libelle]

This girl thinks the world revolves around her .....
Give her your proposal too: Not spending all of your money on a little asshole that dares giving ultimatums like she owns you, and not being a second option to anyone, aka DUMPING HER.

[aniay]

Haha that has to be a joke.

Sorry.

It's just beyond me how you could still be with such a cold-hearted b****. Seriously, man. Not worth the risk, pain and money. Dump her and move on.

Seconding this!

SERIOUSLY!?

Dear Josh, you are worth thousand girls like that (considering what you wanted to do for her)

She's treating you like a toy, do not let her!