Mama Drama

[Malaga]

I get you but it's a fact that your mother has valid reasons to be more concerned about you going to Brazil to meet a guy than travelling around Missouri. It just is a lot riskier, no matter how you spin it. It doesn't even matter how naive you are really. Your position of being young and alone makes you look like an easy prey, and even seasoned, non-naive travellers are often helpless if professional criminals profile them as targets. You may be mature for your age but it doesn't have to mean anything. There are so many things beyond your control.

I've done quite a bit of kinda-solo travel abroad when I was your age and younger - I was travelling alone but to organised activities like a summer language course or a conference. I've also made some ridiculously risky decisions on my trips which all thankfully turned out OK by luck, but they make me sweat now when I think about them. I don't think you should be scared or put off travel, but you do need to understand how big of an issue it is for your mother for very good reasons.

Have you thought about going with a friend/group of friends? Maybe she would be more accepting in that case. I'm not sure if that would actually make it safer but maybe it would make your mum feel better about it. Football is more fun the bigger the crowd anyway.

[Black_Halloween]

To be honest, saying "Grrr I AM mature!" makes you sound even more immature than you might think. Maturity would be sitting down with your mom, asking her what you need to do in order for her to be comfortable seeing your SO for the first time and then do it. What's more important to you right now, your SO or a sports game? I'm sure in your lifetime you'll have plenty of opportunities to visit Brazil during the games too.

[walexis25]

To be honest, saying "Grrr I AM mature!" makes you sound even more immature than you might think. Maturity would be sitting down with your mom, asking her what you need to do in order for her to be comfortable seeing your SO for the first time and then do it. What's more important to you right now, your SO or a sports game? I'm sure in your lifetime you'll have plenty of opportunities to visit Brazil during the games too.

Sorry, didn't know I wasn't allowed to defend my character from false judgment? The fact that you keep trying to prove me immature and naïve, when you don't know me, is in fact also immature, if you want to get technical with it. I don't appreciate the way you responded to this this thread. Just because your family is one way does not mean other families are the same way. Why don't you think a little before you respond. You could have nicely asked me, "Have you sat down with your mom and asked her what it would take...etc." You could have provided some helpful tips, or suggestions,just as others have been kind to give suggestions or other tips. Judgment from the start is just unacceptable.

[walexis25]

See, this is what I think/how I'm feeling. I understand the dream to see the world cup in Brazil, but sometimes things aren't possible immediately. I would love to go work abroad in Australia and my mother is perfectly fine with me travelling alone, but there's only so much I'm able to do right now. Trust me, when you get into college, there are going to be plenty of opportunities for you to travel. I know, I know, I heard students at my university say all the time that they had wanted to travel before college and they can't wait to graduate and be an adult and have the freedom to travel, but student life is the prime time for travel. Where else would I get the freedom to take off for a whole summer or have someone come out for winter break with absolutely no responsibility? So do know that in the next few years of being a student, travel is very possible, especially since many employers and companies who employ students don't always expect them to be around during the school holidays. You stop having that freedom as soon as you graduate and get a "real job."

The thing is, it's not about you or how mature you are (sorry if I ever implied you were naive... I just have been to Missouri and found it to be nothing stellar, but that could be my arrogant California self :lol), but it's about the situation. You've accepted that pulling the I'M 18 AND CAN DO WHAT I WANT card is not going to work for you, and you've accepted that your mother is not the best travel companion and not someone you want to drag along with you to Brazil. Those limit your options as far as how you can convince your mother to let you go to Brazil, especially if she's not willing to talk to your SO on Skype etc. etc. My only other question would be, have you asked her what she would need from you? Have you sat down and flat out asked her if there's some way she'd be willing to compromise so that you're both happy with you going to Brazil? If she says no, then you might need to put your dreams of seeing the world cup on hold. That doesn't mean you won't ever see it, or that in the next 20 years, it won't ever be in Brazil again (unless I'm missing something). It simply means it's not doable for you right now, and maybe focusing your efforts on meeting your SO for the first time should be on... well, finding a way to meet your SO for the first time. Sometimes we have to meet our parents halfway. I was 20 before my mother was fine with me taking off to go meet my ex. Before that, anyone I met from online came here first and stayed with us and she came with me to pick them up. Him coming to visit you might open up opportunities for you to go to Brazil in the future.

I also want to note that being called naive because you've never travelled alone internationally before is not necessarily a bad thing. We're all naive the first time we travel abroad somewhere, no matter how educated we make ourselves. It's a new experience and definitely a learning curve and the only mistake we can make is by deciding we're 100% prepared for everything that could or is going to happen. Going out of the country is far, far different than travelling within it and while you might not be a naive person, depending on how much international travelling you've done, you will always be somewhat naive travelling outside of the country for the first time. My family are avid travellers and going abroad alone was still an experience for me. I'm not saying it wouldn't/won't be a wonderful experience when you go abroad alone, just that it's fine to accept it as a new experience and own it versus needing to tell everyone you're not some naive, silly little girl. I might have skipped over where that was said or implied, but I don't think they meant to be offensive by it!

THANK YOU! This is, to me, appropriate advice. I was talking about you particularly about the naïve comment. The person who I was talking about started the thread off in such a manner that it came off as " you are some stupid 18 year old who knows nothing." And traveling to Kansas city, Missouri was just an example for the one girl. I do think everyone blew that out of proportion, along with the naïve thing. But ANYWAYS, I do enjoy this feedback. Yes, the world cup, in Brazil, is a dream of mine. When will the next one in Brazil occurs? I honestly don't think they will have another one but idk. I'm not saying I am sure of everything that would happen but that's the joy of traveling. The possibilities are endless. I am a bit of a thrill seeker. But thank you for your response

[Kiyama]

I just want to add that going to certain countries is going to make parents worried, no matter what age. A friend of mine went to India half a year ago and her mum tried to stop her until the last day. She's 31 by the way...
And of course the younger you are, the less you have travelled, the more worries they will be.
Your mum has a point. My aunt is from Brasil and I have three cousins who weren't allowed to just run around outside when they still lived there and they were younger.
Can't your SO come to visit first? Then your mum could get to know him and see if he's reliable and trustworthy.
I would also suggest to seek out a compromise. Good luck.

[Moon]

I understand the point and that's why I came here, for some suggestions. I was just defending my character xD. Your input has been most helpful on this thread because you do seem to understand both sides. And if I can ask, when did you start traveling alone internationally? What was your first trip?

This is for moon-sorry I forgot to quote.

I was much older when I started traveling alone. I had my daughter at 18, so I was too broke for a long time to go anywhere, then I was married for a long time, so my first solo trip was to Jamaica like 7 years ago, then Mexico soon after. After I started my relationship with my boy, I started flying over to Finland a few times a year, and wherever else I feel like going. My mom still worries about me flying alone . I'm 43, I still have to text her AND my daughter when I land Moms never stop worrying about their kids, no matter how old they get. It's both a pain in the ass and nice at the same time.

[Tooki]

Travelling abroad is completely different to travelling domestically, especially when cultural differences arise. I first flew to Europe (alone) when I was 20 and although it was easy for me, I could imagine that it would be much harder for most other people, especially those who have not lived out of home or been out of home for long. I had already lived out of home for about 6 months at that point and I had flown to New Zealand with my two siblings without my parents not even a year before that.

I understand the World Cup side as well. I also acknowledge that the Brasilian government will tighten up security, with so many foreigners being in the country. At the same time, you're 18, travelling to a foreign country for the first time, to meet a male that you haven't met before. Even if you were going to Canada, your mother would be still be worried about you. I cannot see a scenario where your mother will feel comfortable with you going to Brasil unless she meets your SO beforehand.

(Also consider that all expenses with Brasil will be inflated due to the World Cup.)