How did you and your international SO decide to be exclusive?

[chibij14]

Hello! I’m back to LFAD… First of all - Never again. I repeat, NEVER AGAIN! And by that, I mean I’ll never date another professional athlete (Ex-SO: FL / Me: IL).

Now I’ve found myself pining after a man of total opposite proportions. The major difference being that he lives in Finland and I’m in the US (IL to be exact). He plays guitar (like me), is a web designer, is soft spoken, beautiful (in a Johnny Depp sort-of-way, long hair and all), and pursued me on a musicians dating website.

Having the potential of dating someone with an eight hour time difference has a lot of pros and cons but so far it’s pretty cool! I’m very independent (single mom) so we both have time to do our own thing but always so happy to hear from each other.

We are NOT official (only been talking for a month) but he says he would like us to get to that point and keep growing stronger, so I want to know if anyone with an international LDR has been here before. Do you agree it’s good that we give this some time to be sure it’s something we want to commit to?

I’m mostly interested in those who initially met online and didn’t meet in person for a while, since that is most likely the boat we’ll be in if we decide to make it official. Oh and I’m asking now because I’m an impatient person by nature and being hurt before by other guys, I wonder what a man from the other side of the world would want from me and how he might decide when's the 'right' time… but in turn, I’m so intrigued by him. (I feel like a nerd getting so excited .)

[TwoThree]

I'm not really familiar with the concept of "being exclusive". To me, I'm either with someone, or I'm not. We got together from the minute we told each other "I love you." Before that we were friends who talked a whole lot, both online and offline. The way I see it, I couldn't consider myself to be in a relationship with someone I have never met in the flesh if feelings have not been explicitly expressed on both sides. So that's how I date the start of our relationship. Obviously we cared a lot about each other and had been playing cat and mouse with our feelings for months before, but up until we said "I love you" I didn't see us as a couple.

But that's just me. It's different for everyone.

Btw, I too have a long-haired Finnish SO

[chibij14]

Oh God, now I'm scared between the long hair Finnish man and Pink Floyd reference he's the same guy. LOL! That would be my luck, these days...

Seriously though, I don't see us as a couple AT ALL either... Right now, we're just getting to know each other but are just saying that being official one day isn't ruled out. I think I'm personally scared because I'm afraid to get close to someone who lives so far away and let's say, I'm into him thinking we're fine and growing but he then says he's going to 'date' someone else - You know? It seems risky because you're connecting by soul instead of most "close" relationships that mix intimacy. I think to strictly fall in love with someone's personality and voice can potentially be deeper than the lustful falling in love we tend to do in our non-LDR's. Does that make sense? LOL!

But I agree, right now we're both free to explore what we will it's just wondering how we'll know we want to dump contact with others to be "exclusive"... which is why I really like the idea of it being when you're "IN" love with each other. Very cool! Thank you so much! Still scary but exciting, all at the same time.

[Moon]

I'm another one that got snagged by a Finn

We didn't meet on the internet, but were friends through work for a long time. We somehow ended up talking outside of work, and really, that was kind of that. We pretended for awhile, though both admitting we didn't want anybody else (sorta the definition of exclusive), until there was no denying how we felt.

International LDR's are a big commitment, so yeah, take some time and see if it's right for you.

[TwoThree]

Oh God, now I'm scared between the long hair Finnish man and Pink Floyd reference he's the same guy. LOL! That would be my luck, these days...

Haha worry not. My man is not from Tampere And he's not a musician, though he owns a bass guitar!

[chibij14]

Ahahaha! I'm just sayin... These days, expecially what I've seen from many American men, they will be with multiple women from all over but that could be from my experience of dating a professional athlete. Dick - LOL!

I'm glad they aren't the same guy... but how awesome of him for "slappin the bass" (from "I Love You Man") - That's really hot... I can't deny a musician especially with long hair.

And to Moon, a good majority of Finnish men must be gorgeous and amazing...

[kittyo9]

A relationship, to me, includes exclusivity, just to get that out of the way.

My SO and I were good friends for about 2 months before he actually asked me to be his girlfriend (and I said no because I wasn't sure if I wanted to do long distance again). We had spent a lot of time together and really enjoyed talking to one another. We kept getting even closer after that, and though it was clear that we were headed in that direction, I was really on the fence about going for it. Then one of my close friends, who was also on the fence about dating a guy where she lived, came and visited, and we talked about our potential partners. Eventually she said something like I might as well try it out now so I don't regret not taking that chance later. After she left I told my SO that he shouldn't list himself as single on facebook, which was my covert way of saying, yes, I think we should be in a relationship.

3 years later, my friend and I are both still in our respective relationships, haha.

[chibij14]

Ahahaha!

Okay, that story was adorable and funny. I love that idea of just taking the leap of faith and going for it, but I completely respect and understand your hesitation. It's like, I can't even find decent guys who I’d have the ‘pleasure’ of seeing on a regular basis… so the idea of dating internationally seems sketchy.

My guess, people who tackle LDR's, especially internationally seem to be pretty serious about find that deep and true love. That is exactly what I want and no more of this surface level and lustful stuff we confuse with love.

[teachernicole]

I knew my SO (online) for over a year before we started dating. We talked everyday and had a great friendship, but I was in a bad on/off relationship the whole time. When that finally ended, we started flirting and in some late night conversations, I told him I wanted a relationship and he said he did too. It was pretty obvious for a while and we started dating officially a week or two after that. It took a lot of talking, a lot of trust building, a lot of time, and an undeniable connection. And we haven't looked back! I would say keep talking and see where it takes you! That's what I did.

[chibij14]

Yeah, when you haven't resolved something with another it makes it hard to move onto something new... so that makes me wonder if you all may have started sooner had that person not been a factor, but either way that's great insight!

I mean, I have no idea when we'll know it's 'right' for us or if EVER... but I'm assuming it will just come to us. Definitely means there is no need to rush things.

[Niamhy]

My SO and I went the route of a friendship with the potential to be more.
For a year we talked almost every day, calling ourselves friends. But we were both fully aware of each others feelings the whole time, and we frequently discussed them. The only problem was me. I wasn't comfortable with the idea of a long distance relationship. Eventually he talked me round to it though :P
About a month before he visited me, he asked me to be his exclusive girlfriend and like a giddy teen I accepted.

As for exclusivity... I felt bound to him for months before that.
I'd dated a few guys since meeting my SO. But after about 5 months of knowing and talking with my SO it became unfair to the guys I had dated because if I was being honest, there would never be anything with them. I'd already fallen head over heels for my Portuguese "best friend", and it wouldn't be fair to lead the other guys on. Since that realization, I no longer dated anyone else.

All in all, it was just less than a year of knowing each other, we became a couple

[digitalfever]

We met in London while I was working there for a year. We started off dating and I didn't even like him that much. I was seeing him and this other guy at the same time. We hung out, I'd ditch and give a lame excuse and he'd still try to see me. Eventually, I told him I didn't like him and wanted to move on. Well..., that lasted two months and then we started hanging out as friends, after a few weeks we started dating again and then we agreed to be exclusive. Five months later I was on a plane heading to Ontario for Grad school. he's my favourite person.

[helena9523]

Was only by chance that we meet. I had Kik Messenger and posted on tumblr for someone to talk to me and while he was at work he found my post a sent me a "Hey" I wouldn't usually reply to people who don't have a Display picture, but I was bored and Everyone in my class was being annoying so I though why not and we got talking for a few hours. Then he got home and went to sleep, then when he woke up he messaged me again and we got talking about the superbowl (Which for a british girl would seem quite hard to do but no) Which i'd stayed up all night to win my bet with a friend that the Baltimore Ravens!!! would win which they did which was also his favourite team and he's from just outside Baltimore. We found ourselves talking for hours and before long we were talking 24/7 even when we should have been asleep.

A few days later we decided to Skype which was very nerve racking as I'd only ever seen one picture of him. So we did and what was only meant to be an hours call turned into 4 and we had to end it so he could get some sleep before work but he called me again before work. That weekend we were talking and all of a sudden out of the blue he asked me If I wanted to be his girlfriend and of course I said yes. We hadn't known each other long but in that short amount of time we Both had fallen head over heels for each other and Now nearly 7 months later we're still defying the odds and proving people wrong
7

[snow]

Well we liked each other a lot, we told each other we loved each other, then at some point he told me he wants to tell his friends that he has a girlfriend, I referred to myself as his girlfriend and that was basically it.
From that moment on we were exclusive, neither of us had to ask for it, because we talked about what we needed and seeked in relationships before we even said "I love you".

[Dezface]

Well ours is a complicated story and technically we weren't exclusive for a very long time, as there were other lingering relationships involved. But we knew very early on we only wanted each other. We just had to deal with the rest of our lives before we could proclaim it. Like I said, complicated