How did you and your international SO decide to be exclusive?

[chibij14]

Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories with me!

Honestly, it's pretty cool to see quite the variety of incidents from people who were still in on-and-off again relationships, having worked together, meeting randomly online... it's amazing our hearts just KNOW this person is right for us.

Well, I'll see where things in my world go but either way I'm really happy for all of you who are making it on this journey each day.

[Freebird]

I don't do open relationships. We are either in an "exclusive" relationship with each other or we are nothing more than platonic friends. I personally don't believe in, and am not comfortable with, "dating" multiple people at the same time.

I knew my SO online for about 4 or 5 years before we made it official . When I first got to know him there was something about him that intrigued me and we definitely flirted... heck looking back at out messages from last year I'm surprised it took so long! But at the time I would have never imaged us being where we are right now. I guess I never thought it was possible for me to be in a real relationship with someone in another country who I've never met. And yet e get closer and closer as time goes on, though we have some things to work on! If all continues to go well our first visit is early next year. Finally.. I will get to meet him in the flesh! I'm already so excited.

If I were in your shoes, I would take it easy. You just met him. There is no rush- get to know him better! Good luck to you!

[princessmaria]

I'm not exactly sure. I think it took about 3 months before I even truly began to like my SO. He pursued me from the beginning and it went on from there. It was a conscious decision on my part to not pursue anyone else (for lack of wanting to). I think he asked me to be his after 4-5 months but by then we were talking everyday and pretty much attached already.

[hopefulteapot]

It took a little over 2 and a half months for us to become exclusive but we talked/wrote nearly every day.

It all started when I knew he was going out with a female friend. I was REALLY annoyed with that and I knew he didn't like her but I was SO nervous that someone would take him away from me and I just couldn't let that happen. So instead of being upfront about it (silly me), I resorted to some crazy stunt.

I had just met a guy at a concert and we exchanged numbers. He called me and asked me to hang out and if so, what date. I didn't know if it was as friends or as a "date" but I said I'd get back to him because I was obviously already too much into my now boyfriend. So over Skype, I told my now boyfriend but "potential" boyfriend at the time that the guy from the concert asked me to go out on a date with him to a really lovely restaurant and I said I wasn't sure if I should go. I then asked what he thought and he paused for a few seconds which was unlike him and then told me I should do whatever I feel I would like. I said something like "okay, fine I'm going out with him in a few days. I think I have to go now." It was so out of character for me and he knew it, so he asked me what was wrong. I told him nothing and that I just had to go and I'd let him know how the date went. He then asked me to stay..actually BEGGED me to stay on Skype until we sorted it out. He asked me why I was upset, I said he knew why. He said he didn't..we beat around the bush until finally I just told him I didn't really want to go out with the guy. After that he immediately told me he was relieved and that he almost died when I said I was going to go on a date with a guy but he wanted me to be happy with my decision and knew it would be wrong for him to persuade me not to. It was then we both nearly at the same time agreed that we liked each other so much more than friends and wanted to be exclusive and from then on, we were serious!

[differentcountries]

We did not meet online. And we are not exclusive since i also have a husband. How it happened that we became boyfriend/girlfriend was that we became bedfellows, then he said pretty soon that i am "not a summer love" to him and i felt the same way and we arranged to stay in touch. It was just assumed that we were a couple. We were a bit scared to fall in love, but found ourselves Skyping endlessly... And he told me he wants to grow old with me, i just melted hearing those words. When he became friends with my husband i felt even closer to him. All three of us took it serious pretty soon. I have already met his brother and some of his friends. I am not seeing anybody but him and my husband.

[Deleted]

Hello! I’m back to LFAD… First of all - Never again. I repeat, NEVER AGAIN! And by that, I mean I’ll never date another professional athlete (Ex-SO: FL / Me: IL).

Now I’ve found myself pining after a man of total opposite proportions. The major difference being that he lives in Finland and I’m in the US (IL to be exact). He plays guitar (like me), is a web designer, is soft spoken, beautiful (in a Johnny Depp sort-of-way, long hair and all), and pursued me on a musicians dating website.

Having the potential of dating someone with an eight hour time difference has a lot of pros and cons but so far it’s pretty cool! I’m very independent (single mom) so we both have time to do our own thing but always so happy to hear from each other.

We are NOT official (only been talking for a month) but he says he would like us to get to that point and keep growing stronger, so I want to know if anyone with an international LDR has been here before. Do you agree it’s good that we give this some time to be sure it’s something we want to commit to?

I’m mostly interested in those who initially met online and didn’t meet in person for a while, since that is most likely the boat we’ll be in if we decide to make it official. Oh and I’m asking now because I’m an impatient person by nature and being hurt before by other guys, I wonder what a man from the other side of the world would want from me and how he might decide when's the 'right' time… but in turn, I’m so intrigued by him. (I feel like a nerd getting so excited .)

I'm in an international LDR. My SO and I are not 'official'. We have not gained the status of 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. I tried suggesting that we become exactly that, but that didn't go too well. I think he wants to meet in person first, which makes sense. Always good to make sure that the chemistry is really there. Now that I've thought it through, I think I agree with him.

However, I think we are 'exclusive'. Meaning that, we would be upset if the other started seeing someone else. That would probably damage the relationship.

I think you're right for waiting. Take stuff easy. You're going at a good pace.

Let us know how it goes! Best of luck. -Lori

[melarie]

As for the "exclusive" thing, I don't think casual dating really exists in LDRs, just because you can't go out on dates, mainly. Outside of LDR, I don't really believe in jumping into a serious relationship unless you've been friends with the person as well.

But more on topic, we talked online every day, all day for almost exactly a month. One night I was having a particularly bad night that he helped me through and the next morning we confessed our already obvious feelings for each other and basically he was like "Well, wanna give it a go?" And I said sure and here we are. All there was too it really. It was an easy decision, I couldn't not have him in my life, I knew that shortly after starting to talk to him... so I didn't really have to question whether it was worth it or not.

[Neia0202]

My SO and I met online and had been flirting for a couple of months when we finally admitted we had feelings for each other. But after that we weren't "official" yet, as we initially wanted to wait until we had met in person. However, I think I realised I wanted to be with him exclusively after kissing someone else and feeling extremely guilty about it.
So I started dropping hints about wanting to be official until he asked me to be his girlfriend.

We met in person after having been in a relationship for about 4 months and now we've been together for a little over a year.

[Ejoriah]

I hope everything worked out for the OP, since this thread is two months old.

Personally, I was online friends with my SO for years, and met as friends once, but it took us meeting in person as more than friends before we agreed we were in a relationship. In my previous relationship, it happened after his birthday when he basically made out with a couple of girls and I was upset. He asked me why and I told him I had feelings for him, which he apparently reciprocated. That relationship lasted two years and a bit before I realized I would never be his first priority.