What do I do with this?

[Tjabby]

Hello LFAD. This post might be a little short, but I'll try to explain as good as I can.

I'm going to meet my SO for the first time in the summer of 2014, and we're in the process of solving everything with our parents. (We are both 17 fyi.)

Okay, so basically, her parents want me to come there first, which my parents thinks is highly suspicious. I'm trying to tell them it's slightly different because I'm a guy and she's a girl, but they're still very suspicious as why she can't come here first.

I've tried to tell them there's no way for her to come here first, and they really don't understand why. Her parents are quite strict, I guess you could say, so they want to see me first before anything, I guess my parents just don't really understand.

Anyway, today my mom asked me if I was sure that my SO lived where she says she does, and if she's not lying to me about anything and so on. I tried to explain my mom that I've seen her on webcam for almost 3~ years now and she's always been in that apartment, so I'm pretty damn sure she lives there, but my mom is so scared that they will kidnap me or something I guess? I'm not sure.

My parents are soo concerned that she's a catfish or something, but I KNOW that she is not.

I remember this year, my SO bursted out crying because I couldn't fly this year because of my parents not giving me permission, it left us both heartbroken.

Also, her parents want to get the tickets ASAP because it gets more expensive as the time goes, that is another thing that my parents are HIGHLY suspicious plus they want to see my ticket first as of a confirmation that I am coming there first. Another thing my parents are very suspicious of, they're like "Why can't they just buy their ticket? Why do we have to show our to them first?" Well.. because I'm coming there first, and she's not coming here if I'm not going there first, so that makes sense right? Well not to my parents. They're just making everything so complicated.

I don't know what to do, but parents are so concerned and looks at everything in the worst possible way.

I'm not sure how to convince them. How can I convince them that my SO's family is ok and will not brutally murder me in any terroristic way?
How can I make my parents buy the ticket ASAP?

I'm so confused, and so tired of my parents making this so complicated. Sigh...
Thanks for reading.

[Alsfia]

Have you tried to have your and your SO's family Skype each other? When my SO first came here his mum had to call my mum on the landline first to confirm we were all real people with the address I had given my SO. Is there any way you can bring a family member?

[Tjabby]

Have you tried to have your and your SO's family Skype each other? When my SO first came here his mum had to call my mum on the landline first to confirm we were all real people with the address I had given my SO. Is there any way you can bring a family member?

Yes, we have talked about this, but there's really no way as our parents can't communicate in a mutual language.
Also, I'm sure there's no way I can get a family member with me, unfortunately.

[Alsfia]

Tough one, can't you meet in the middle on neutral ground?

[Karlijn92]

Oh yikes! They might not speak a mutual language, but don't you think your parents would be ok if they only SEE your SO's parents? Just Skype with them, get your mom or dad in front of your webcam and let them wave at your SO's parents or something lol. Or let your SO send pictures of her family? At least they'll see they are real people.
I really hope your parents will agree with your decision and that you guys get to see each other next summer.

[Tjabby]

Oh yikes! They might not speak a mutual language, but don't you think your parents would be ok if they only SEE your SO's parents? Just Skype with them, get your mom or dad in front of your webcam and let them wave at your SO's parents or something lol. Or let your SO send pictures of her family? At least they'll see they are real people.
I really hope your parents will agree with your decision and that you guys get to see each other next summer.

My SO sent me about 20 pictures of her & her parents together which I will show to my mother tomorrow. Hopefully she'll see that they don't look like serial killers. :P

Thanks for all your replies guys

[Karlijn92]

Haha, good luck tomorrow! Let us know how it went! (:

[Tjabby]

Well... I'm starting to believe this will go no-where, and I am so heartbroken.

My mother is such a stereotype. She believes I will get beat down by people when I arrive in Turkey because I'm a foreigner.
I tell her it's bullshit, and that won't happen, but she is like "You don't know?"

She doesn't trust my SO and her parents. I don't know why, but she is like "How do you know you can trust them?" "I'm not gonna let my child live at someones house I don't know. They could kill you."

She also believes 100 of her cousins and siblings will beat me up because I like her. I told her she doesn't have siblings, but my mom is like "You don't know? She could lie to you?"

My SO's parents want to buy the ticket at least in December, because the price is raising, and they want to see my ticket before they buy theirs, but my parents doesn't want to buy it in December as they think it's too early, however if we don't buy it in December, they will never buy it. (Both parts are getting tickets because I will go to her first and we would then take the same plane back together to my home).

I tell my mom it will get too expensive for them, but she is like "I don't want them to control my life."

Guys.. I'm really getting NO WHERE with my parents, and It's making me so sad.

I have to tell this to my SO again and I know I will ruin her day, and it's just heartbreaking for both of us.

I hate the way my mom is making everything so complicated. I've known her for 3 years, emailed with her step father for two, and heard a lot about her mom. I'm sure they're who they are..

I'm starting to believe nothing will happen next year. I don't know what will happen with our relationship.

[Ahava]

I'm so sorry to hear that.
Why can't your mom or dad travel with you?
If she is so worried about something happening to you, I would suggest she/your dad travel there with you.
I can very well understand her parents on this though and them wanting to see you first.
It is nice they will let her travel back with you

But in away I can also understand your parents being worried. If one of them came with you, that would in my opinion be the best solution.

Chin up and don't loose faith!

[Tjabby]

Yes. My parents have talked about coming with me, but as my dad is such a money fanatic, he thinks the hotel are waaaaaay too expensive. ¨

But maybe I should really try this to work, with my parents coming with me, because that would pretty much solve everything.

I just told my SO about the conversation we had, and she is feeling seriously bad and crying. I'm SOOO tired of always delivering bad news to her, because I know it's making her so extremely sad. It feels like I am the course.
That's probably the worst thing about this. I want her to be happy.

But yes, I guess I will try to have my parents come with me, my mom is totally up for that, but my dad? not so much.

[kacie]

I'm confused, why are you saying their ticket and our ticket, if it's only you doing the travelling. When do you turn 18, can you tell her family that you can't buy the ticket until you turn 18? Are you working? If you're paying for the ticket yourself then it's up to you when you book it.

[Tjabby]

My family and her family are both buying one ticket.
I will go to her place for 9 days, and then we will would come back together to my home for about 20 days.
That was our plan.

[Karlijn92]

Drag your mom with you! If you're saying she's totally up for that you should get 2 tickets right now before she changes her mind. I'm sorry about your dad though :/ But at least one of them is willing.

[barret95]

your mum wants you to be happy. If seeing your S.O in person makes you happy then she should at least understand that. you're becoming an Adult and she should respect your own opinions and decisions. Why not have a Skype session with both parents? I did that with my mum and my S.Os mum. About you saying your mum is stereotypical...My S.O's mum is also very much like that. It's because Mothers think they know whats best for their children, yes they CAN be right in some areas but come on...its a NEW generation. They need to adapt to it. And ""I don't want them to control my life." your mother said...that sounds like an excuse man.
I guess your mum is just worried about you.
And if your mom is up for going with you, but your Dad doesn't...then why not get another family member to go with your mum? (such as uncle, or a close family friend).

[kiara_silver]

This sort of reminds me of my own story. Me and my SO didn't meet until two years of dating long distance, and during this my parents had very "opinionated" views. He hadn't told his side yet, but they found out and fortunately supportive. But what happened with us was, first he waited until we were 18 so he could go legally on his own. He saved up, saved a ton, and paid for his own flight, and stay. And always had his phone so he was able to contact his parents when he landed and where he was.
But if my SO hadn't come to me we wouldn't have been able to meet. I was the girl he was the guy, to my parents he was going to kidnap me, use me, been lying to me, and was not who he says he was. So my mom chaperoned our visit. And it went great for us, my family realized he was who he said he was, and they may not like the whole long distance and were wary but they let us be together. I would keep pushing for your mom to come with you and try to book things while you can and she's supportive. And maybe try to keep pushing for your parents and his to have a skype chat. But also even though it means more waiting wait and save up till your 18 just in case?

I hope and wish you all the best, hope things work out!