THAT chat...

[snow]

I remember we talked about how to make this relationship work within the first week of dating. Being international we knew someone had to move so we talked about it. Within the next couple weeks we established our view on marriage and children, because I knew I wanted to be married by 25 and have kids before 30 and that was very important for me. He had the same view on that and we just went with it from that point on.

[princessmaria]

I feel like the odd man out here, but maybe it's because I'm still a teenager. My SO and I became official when I was 17, so we really didn't have any serious talks about marriage and children until over a year later. It took I would say about 15 months before we had "the talk". By then I was 18. We had little snips and pieces of things like "Well when we're living together" or "Our kids would probably be such and such" but never a full-blown serious talk. When we finally did, he also pretty much told me he wants to marry me in the future and gave me a ring. It went well but we aren't currently making any big moves to make it happen, just taking it day by day. We have sort of a promise to each other that if we can manage to get through the 3 years left of UNI I have (hopefully CD at a university in his city) then once I graduate we can get married. By then I should be 23 and he'll be 25 so I think that's pretty fair, and 3 years CD should be enough to tell if we're compatible enough to have a long lasting relationship. I am really excited for our future

[mellif]

My SO sometimes says things like "wow i'm going to be stuck with this girl forever" or refers to me as his wife as a joke, and from other conversations it does seem we're both in for the long haul. We've also both agreed that we both want kids, and sometimes we make up scenarios with our kids to tease each other (ex. "babe i'm going to tell our kids 'your dad was a total nerd when he was in high school'"). But, that's as far as it's been for now. We're only 2 months in, and we're pretty young, so a more serious conversation might come later down the road.. in a few months or years :P

[folclor]

As a few others have said... we had our talk before we got together. In fact we had about 4 or 5 talks, going back and forth on the issue of whether there should even be a first visit. He made it very clear early on that he wasn't into casual relationships and that he had no interest in moving to my country. So, basically, if we were to get together it'd be for the long haul. And... thus far it has been.

[Steph89]

I remember we talked about how to make this relationship work within the first week of dating. Being international we knew someone had to move so we talked about it. Within the next couple weeks we established our view on marriage and children, because I knew I wanted to be married by 25 and have kids before 30 and that was very important for me. He had the same view on that and we just went with it from that point on.

It's good to know that other people have the same thoughts, I'm 24 now and I feel that I definitely want to be married by 25/26. He is abit younger than me though, and I don't want to put pressure on him to feel like we have to rush things. Did you know right from the start who was going to move where? If all goes to plan I will be going to him (USA), and even though it's a massive life change I'm so excited for it!

[snow]

It's good to know that other people have the same thoughts, I'm 24 now and I feel that I definitely want to be married by 25/26. He is abit younger than me though, and I don't want to put pressure on him to feel like we have to rush things. Did you know right from the start who was going to move where? If all goes to plan I will be going to him (USA), and even though it's a massive life change I'm so excited for it!

At first he offered to come to Austria and live with me, but he has a pretty established life here with his family, who he is very close to and all his friends and a pretty stable job that he has had for 14 years already and I didn't want him to leave all that behind. So we decided pretty much at that point that it's easier for me to go to the US than him coming to Austria, since there is nothing that is really keeping me there, besides my family that I am not really close to. Plus it'd be hard for him to find a job there, whereas with me knowing the language and having my bachelor I can try to find something

[Jazi]

My SO is from England and I am from Australia.

I wanted to know if anyone else had this chat this early on in their relationship

We talked about the logistics of how we would make things work/ultimately be together from the very beginning of our relationship and constantly talked about the details and things throughout as things changed.

We had decided on a concrete plan 8 months into our relationship (very early I guess )

how it went and if it actually worked out

at the 8 month 'decision' (December 2011) we had decided that we were going to live in my home country and apply for a Fiance visa around the middle/end of 2012, so we needed to be engaged and begin planning our wedding by the time we wanted to apply - so naturally that meant he needed to propose and that would be upto him when/how to do it. We continued our trips to each other and I was very excited every trip knowing he could propose at any time

There were A LOT of other details we discussed/figured out a plan whilst deciding our concrete plan - but that's a lot of detail to go into on a forum post and you guys don't really want to hear the tiny logistics we worked out

and yes, our plan worked out, I'm sure tiny details aren't exactly how we discussed them at the 8 month mark but the overall plan worked out great

and how long it took to close the distance?

It took us 2 years and 3 months to close the distance from our first trip. So it was still a very long process from when we had decided (at 8 months) how we would close the distance. The visa process was the biggest thing that made the wait longer - we waited 6 months for an answer from the date of application.

My SO has now been living with me in Australia for just over 3 months, we got married a little over 2 weeks ago and are in the process of settling into life together, he has been actively looking for a job and has a very promising prospect who will get back to him this week.

For us we just 'knew' that it was very official from the first visit. We had known each other for so long by then and things progressed so naturally for us, although when I actually think about the time line of our relationship it SOUNDS fast, but it certainly doesn't/didn't feel fast for us.

[Steph89]

My SO is from England and I am from Australia.



We talked about the logistics of how we would make things work/ultimately be together from the very beginning of our relationship and constantly talked about the details and things throughout as things changed.

We had decided on a concrete plan 8 months into our relationship (very early I guess )




at the 8 month 'decision' (December 2011) we had decided that we were going to live in my home country and apply for a Fiance visa around the middle/end of 2012, so we needed to be engaged and begin planning our wedding by the time we wanted to apply - so naturally that meant he needed to propose and that would be upto him when/how to do it. We continued our trips to each other and I was very excited every trip knowing he could propose at any time

There were A LOT of other details we discussed/figured out a plan whilst deciding our concrete plan - but that's a lot of detail to go into on a forum post and you guys don't really want to hear the tiny logistics we worked out

and yes, our plan worked out, I'm sure tiny details aren't exactly how we discussed them at the 8 month mark but the overall plan worked out great




It took us 2 years and 3 months to close the distance from our first trip. So it was still a very long process from when we had decided (at 8 months) how we would close the distance. The visa process was the biggest thing that made the wait longer - we waited 6 months for an answer from the date of application.

My SO has now been living with me in Australia for just over 3 months, we got married a little over 2 weeks ago and are in the process of settling into life together, he has been actively looking for a job and has a very promising prospect who will get back to him this week.

For us we just 'knew' that it was very official from the first visit. We had known each other for so long by then and things progressed so naturally for us, although when I actually think about the time line of our relationship it SOUNDS fast, but it certainly doesn't/didn't feel fast for us.

Wow I'm so happy that it worked out for you, congratulations!! Hearing things like that really keeps me motivated during the struggles of my LDR. Me and my SO don't have a concrete plan as such, we have just made a decision that we will close the distance within the next 2-3 years with me relocating to the USA... Which seems like such a long time, but we will get there!! I understand what you mean when you think about the time line, but most people aren't in this situation and if you know that someone is for you, why wait? How did he end up proposing if you don't mind me asking?!

[Jazi]

Wow I'm so happy that it worked out for you, congratulations!! Hearing things like that really keeps me motivated during the struggles of my LDR. Me and my SO don't have a concrete plan as such, we have just made a decision that we will close the distance within the next 2-3 years with me relocating to the USA... Which seems like such a long time, but we will get there!! I understand what you mean when you think about the time line, but most people aren't in this situation and if you know that someone is for you, why wait? How did he end up proposing if you don't mind me asking?!

Thank you I'm very happy it worked out for us too! It's really kind of cool (and a bit weird) to be known as a 'success story' of inspiration for others now.

I think knowing who will move is the biggest thing - the next step is to figure out what visa/the process of that. I think you might have misunderstood a little by what I meant with "concrete" at 8 months - it was more we knew who was moving/an idea of when we wanted to apply for a visa - which is where you are at pretty much . There was a TON of time, thought and conversations after that 8 month decision about the visa, how we apply, how long it will take, logistics of moving.. Many many lists got created of the things we needed to tackle but we didn't have an exact time line for when we would do each thing on the list, just did one thing at a time until it was all completed with the end goal in mind.

You guys are about 10 months into your relationship - to put that in perspective; when me and my SO were 10 months into our relationship it took 1 year and 5 months to close the distance. At 10 months into our relationship we were intensely researching the visa process and really getting stuck into how we would close the distance - it was a major focus and we submitted our visa application at the 1 year 6 month mark of our relationship. If the two of you are looking to just enjoy yourselves for a little while longer before getting stuck into your visa application then 2-3 years is very realistic - visa applications take a long time to research/get all the right evidence for and then waiting for an answer is a long process too. (hopefully not scaring you too much!). I really think it sounds on track. If you two were as keen as me and my SO were at 10 months then you'd already be knee deep in visa information

He proposed on one of our visits in England - it was over the summer of 2012 when it rained ALL SUMMER LONG. He was waiting for a nice summer day for our proposal - finally a week before the end of my visit it was a nice weekend. He took me to one of our favourite national trust parks and had a picnic, we fed the ducks and squirrels and sat down for our picnic by the water - after we ate a swan and it's baby signets swam up to the water edge and I got up to feed them - then when I sat down he got on one knee in front of me whilst I was sitting on the rug, so we were face to face. He said lovely words and ended it with "will you marry me" I teared up during it - didn't expect that! He had the perfect ring in a lovely ring box oh and I said 'yes'. After that we walked around for a little while and admired my engagement ring before we couldn't stand the cold any longer and went home. - I hope my story explained the proposal well enough, it really was perfectly 'us'.

goodluck on closing the distance

[abna1]

We started talking about a possible future together at around 10 months of us dating, too. Realistically, the earliest we could close the distance would be in 3 years. Crossing my fingers. We'll be long-distance about 4,5 years in total if it works out well.
It's clear though that I'll be moving to Ghana, which is absolutely fine with me. The process is just so much easier and I already know a lot about the culture, the people etc.
Wish you the best of luck with your plans, Steph ! From Steph

[Steph89]

Thank you I'm very happy it worked out for us too! It's really kind of cool (and a bit weird) to be known as a 'success story' of inspiration for others now.

I think knowing who will move is the biggest thing - the next step is to figure out what visa/the process of that. I think you might have misunderstood a little by what I meant with "concrete" at 8 months - it was more we knew who was moving/an idea of when we wanted to apply for a visa - which is where you are at pretty much . There was a TON of time, thought and conversations after that 8 month decision about the visa, how we apply, how long it will take, logistics of moving.. Many many lists got created of the things we needed to tackle but we didn't have an exact time line for when we would do each thing on the list, just did one thing at a time until it was all completed with the end goal in mind.

You guys are about 10 months into your relationship - to put that in perspective; when me and my SO were 10 months into our relationship it took 1 year and 5 months to close the distance. At 10 months into our relationship we were intensely researching the visa process and really getting stuck into how we would close the distance - it was a major focus and we submitted our visa application at the 1 year 6 month mark of our relationship. If the two of you are looking to just enjoy yourselves for a little while longer before getting stuck into your visa application then 2-3 years is very realistic - visa applications take a long time to research/get all the right evidence for and then waiting for an answer is a long process too. (hopefully not scaring you too much!). I really think it sounds on track. If you two were as keen as me and my SO were at 10 months then you'd already be knee deep in visa information

He proposed on one of our visits in England - it was over the summer of 2012 when it rained ALL SUMMER LONG. He was waiting for a nice summer day for our proposal - finally a week before the end of my visit it was a nice weekend. He took me to one of our favourite national trust parks and had a picnic, we fed the ducks and squirrels and sat down for our picnic by the water - after we ate a swan and it's baby signets swam up to the water edge and I got up to feed them - then when I sat down he got on one knee in front of me whilst I was sitting on the rug, so we were face to face. He said lovely words and ended it with "will you marry me" I teared up during it - didn't expect that! He had the perfect ring in a lovely ring box oh and I said 'yes'. After that we walked around for a little while and admired my engagement ring before we couldn't stand the cold any longer and went home. - I hope my story explained the proposal well enough, it really was perfectly 'us'.

goodluck on closing the distance

Awhhh that is so cute!! I can only imagine how happy you guys are now that you can be together!

I know it sounds a little bit silly but I haven't really looked into visas that much, I know that once we get married I can go over to America. I did just do a little research and it all seems so confusing its so much to take in! I think the USA visas are different to Australian ones though because it looks as if when you get married to an american you're one of the first in line for a permenant residency visa... I definitely need to do more research though!

Can I ask aswell, how did you find planning a wedding with him being in another country? Did his family make the trip over and how long did you have to save up for it? I think about it and it worries me at how expensive they are anyway without people having to travel across the world for it. I'm also aware that I most likely wouldn't be able to have everyone that I wanted there as they wouldn't be able to afford it! I think me and my SO are a way off from this yet but I think its good to prepare myself

Also, I can see from your profile that you had 6 visits before he proposed, how long were those visits for?

Sorry to ask so many questions, its not often I get to speak to someone in your situation haha !

[Steph89]

We started talking about a possible future together at around 10 months of us dating, too. Realistically, the earliest we could close the distance would be in 3 years. Crossing my fingers. We'll be long-distance about 4,5 years in total if it works out well.
It's clear though that I'll be moving to Ghana, which is absolutely fine with me. The process is just so much easier and I already know a lot about the culture, the people etc.
Wish you the best of luck with your plans, Steph ! From Steph

It's such a long time, the thought of waiting so long really disheartens me sometimes but I'm going to continue and keep my fingers crossed too! Even though it's not a nice experience for anyone, I'm glad that there are other people out there that are going through this same situation! Goodluck too Steph