The only solution for him is me moving to US

[Eleh]

Hi everyone, well right now I'm in a really bad moment in my relationship. Our story is like this I got a one year visa over there and I met him where I used to work, we started dating one month after I started working so basically we were together all that year we even live together for 6 months. Everything was amazing we never fight, we complement each other he is just amazing and usually I'm not the kind of girl that wants to be every day and hour next to her boyfriend, but with him is different we don't get bored.

Well so the year ends and I have to go back to Mexico, but then he came one month later to met my parents, then after one month and a half I went to Phx and stayed for 3months, then I came back trying to get a job because he told me that he was coming on January, but then he changed his mind and told me to go on November I told him it's ok I can start looking for a job in January. Right now I've been living with the money that I make baking and cooking for parties it's not to much but I've been saving to go over there. Well the problem started 2 weeks ago, I was asking him if I'm going and when and he just told me I don't know I don't think this is working for me, obviously I was in shock I thought we were ok, we talk every day and I was excited because we were just one month apart to see each other. So I told him that he needs to tell me if he wanted me with him or not, because I think love can do everything I met so many friends that they only see once per year with their boyfriends and after years they are together and even married. So he told he was sorry to think about breaking up and he wants to continue with our plans.

Everything was ok, I was busy doing some food and he was busy at work so yesterday I ask him so when do you want me to go, and again he told me he doesn't know if he wants to continue this.
It breaks my heart so bad because I was next to him in so many difficult things he's being through and suddenly he doesn't want to try it? Besides that he always ask me if I haven't look for something to go over there because obviously he's not moving to Mexico. Really I've been looking everywhere and I can get a visa until 2015, obviously I can go to study English but its only for 3months and besides that I don't have the money because i haven't work because over here they give vacations after a year and you only get one day off so if I work I couldn't go and stay as long as he wants.

Right now I'm sad and angry at the same time, I'm sad because I thought we were doing ok and apparently he didn't thought that and I'm angry because I've done so many sacrifices one of them is not working because I want to see him and go, so I literally wasted a year and now that I tell him that the next year I want yo work so I can get money to go over there on 2015 he is angry because now he has to come. Really I'm desperate for a visa, we talk about getting married but he is divorced I told him I don't is fair for him to get divorced and get married so early, he used to be the one that insisted about us getting married and now he told me he doesn't want to. Really I never asked for a green card or something, but he doesn't help me either trying to look how can I get a visa he is just mad that I don't do anything to go over there, of course I already looked but the only solution is wait until 2015 and he doesn't want to wait.

I'm so sad I don't want to loose him, but I don't think is nice of him the way he is being acting. So what do you think I should do? Or does someone know how can I get a visa? :s I'm desperate and sad.

[Dezface]

Honestly, it sounds like he's not worth your time. I think he's checked out from your relationship. Whenever you mention visiting, he wants to break up. And he's unwilling to wait for you to have the means to move to him. Sounds like he's trying to break up without really manning up and sticking to his guns about it.

As you know, a relationship takes two people. If he's unwilling to put in as much effort as is required of a relationship, then it's a loss. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear and only my perspective, but that's how I see it.

[Lucky]

Eleh, my fellow mexicana, welcome.
I am married to an american... I would be happy to help you with whatever info about visas, keeping the bills low and american culture (relationships work different over there my dear).

Like Dez said, this man is not serious about you. A man who truly cares about you will not leave all the work to you, he sounds immature and lazy, what part of Mexico are you from?

Si gustas puedes contactarme en español y se agradece que uses espacios entre parrafos... es mas facil leerte asi y obtendras muchas mas respuestas y consejos, suerte~

[Eleh]

I just want to think that he's in a bad situation right now, I don't know. But yes, you're right, both of us should try in this relationship. I just love him so much I have never felt this way, and it hurts so much
I'm sorry about the lines, it was my first time writing over here and I just posted without checking how it was going to look.
Muchas gracias Lucky por los consejos, sinceramente ya no sé si quiero una visa hasta que hable bien con él, en caso de que estemos bien agradecería tus consejos acerca de visas

[Lucky]

Don't put your life on hold for him, or plan around his life for that matter! get a job, if the job is good in the USA then get another work visa when time comes regardless if it's in his area or not. Who knows? you might meet the right guy then or sort things out with him, even outside his area, traveling within the country is very easy and affordable, he should at least do that much.

I will type in english because that is the language of the forums, private message me for spanish if you want

I remember my first relationship with an american (years before my husband) I was sooo in love, I thought he was the man of my life, turns out that yes he was great, but not the right one for me. I realized then that what I wanted was to find a guy like him, except a better match. Turns out there is lots of americans out there with that kind of personality and attitude that I found so endearing. Perhaps you have realized this too and that is the reason you fell so hard for him.

PS. I read your profile, I love hello kitty and cooking too :3

[princessmaria]

There are times in long distance relationships where one or both parties become frustrated and doubtful to the point where it causes a rift. It happens often, and is expected especially when there is no perceived end-date to the long distance. That being said, your boyfriend is being unfair and pretty immature. It's as if he is throwing a tantrum, and asking mountains to move when he absolutely knows that they will not. He isn't being fair and I'm sure he knows that he isn't, unless he's five years old. I get that he's upset and frustrated about the distance but to take it out on you without apology is uncalled for and not cool. You shouldn't stand for that. My advice to you would be not to compromise for him until he learns to compromise for you. If he cannot wait until 2015 for your visa then you should avoid the process all together, save yourself a headache.

[THINK2MUCH]

Hello Eleh,

I am afraid that I agree with Dezface, it might not be what you want to hear (but being honest) I think before going crazy about getting another working visa or closing the distance in any other way, you should find out if it is something that you both want.

I think you need to have a very serious conversation with your SO and pay close attention to what he has to say. He might be telling you something that you simply are refusing to acknowledge (I kind of think he already has).

Long distance relationships can be successful, as you mentioned, but both parties have to commit to do everything possible to make them work.

This site is full of examples of functional LDRs, but I think a common trait to all is the fact that people in them always seem to act in the best interest of their partner -and it is a mutual thing. You won't read about people forcing their SOs to walk away from school or job opportunities, or to make any radical decision that might deeply affect them. People are always patient and generous, they truly take care of each other.

I don't see why you should be doing all that effort to be near someone who doesn't seem to care about your well-being.

Do take a little time to think this over and make sure that this man is really worth all that you have already invested in him before you go any further.

Good luck and please, take care.

P.S. I hope my comment didn't offend you, I simply wouldn't want to see you get hurt.

[Eleh]

Don't worry, you weren't mean at all, you were right like everybody else. We just broke up he says that he can't do this for another year so well that's how it ends my love story

[LadyDaemon]

I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out for you. Please be kind to yourself and feel free to stay around if you need support. There's tons of people here who are no longer in relationships but still hang around for the support. Good luck.

[THINK2MUCH]

We just broke up he says that he can't do this for another year so well that's how it ends my love story

I'm truly sorry.
Please take good care of yourself, and if there's anything we can do to help you through this don't hesitate to ask.

Big hug

[Eleh]

Thank you so much! All of you are really nice people
And I just want to say something to the people that is reading my story and maybe they are having problems in their relationship, maybe I'm one of the few persons that her relationship didn't ended they way I had in mind, but there are many more relationships that have survived. So try your best! But if one doesn't even want to try it, that person doesn't worth it.

It might hurt so badly, but something better is coming it might be love, work, I don't know, I just know everything happens for a reason and everything it's going to be ok.