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Should we follow our own path?

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    Should we follow our own path?

    I have been dating with my SO for a year. We met at college when I studied abroad and kept our relationship after I went back to my country.
    Now we have been in LDR for six months and we visited each other a few times the past few months(longest time was 2 weeks).
    The problem is we won't be able to see each other more than 6 months from now.

    Another problem is both of us know what we want to do in our future. Currently we are still college students. He'll graduate in a half year and I still have one and half year until graduation. While I want to pursue my career first in my country, he wants to be engaged in a certain business in his country and he's pretty sure he can get it. He wants to work in Asia where I am, but it's going to be hard because he doesn't speak any Asian languages.

    We discussed how to do with this relationship so many times. We agreed that we are still young (both are 21 years old) so we should focus on our own future and career. Based on that, he suggested we should breakup. He wants to breakup but continue keeping in touch with me. What he said was we will breakup for a while but if he really needs me, he wants to come back to me.

    We hoped to live together someday and I thought he was the one for me. We love each other so much but the reality is too hard and we have no choice but to accept the sad reality. I expected he would fight for me if he really loves me. However, we cannot be idealist all the time.
    I was devastated from the brokenheart as you can imagine. I tried to move on so I suggested we should cut all contacts because my heart aches so bad when I see his life on facebook or just to think about him. I dont think I can go back to friend soon. I need to delete his contacts to move on but he doesn't want me to do that. I think if we still take contacts, I can never move on and its kind of the same with being the relationship. The only difference is that he can hook up other girls. I don't wanna be a convenient girl that he can always come back whenever he wants to. My suggestion is "all or nothing". If we still want to talk, I want to be in a relationship. or cut all contacts to really move on. He said if our paths cross again, we can back together.

    I really don't know what to do with this relationship. Should I cut contacts to move on or be friends while my heart aches? I do not want to end this relationship. I still love him and want to keep working on this relationship as much as we can. We haven't reached the final agreement yet.

    Thank you for reading and I really hope someone can give me some advice.

    #2
    Suki-chan, forum e youkoso

    I think you are being really brave and smart, and you are making the right choice. If you two break up, you will need time to heal, and him contacting you is going to cause you only pain. If you continue the relationship, then he has to respect your boundaries - exclusivity, etc. I can only wish you good luck and courage, and if you want to chat, send me a message!


    PS here is my favorite blog on relationship, I recommend it to everyone, single, committed or just wondering - www.baggagereclaim.co.uk

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      #3
      I agree with OperaDiva, if you are going to stay broken up you should cut all contact, as you said yourself. Frankly, your ex is really selfish if he can't let you move on.

      Hugs
      We part only to meet again ~ J.Gay

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        #4
        I have been thinking this for myself so many times, and I know how you feel.
        My advice is to hang in there if you love him so much, time will decide for you both.
        Also if you say he doesn't speak any asian languages, wouldn't be an option for you to finish college in the US? or after your graduation find a job in the US? since you already speak english, I think it would be easier...

        Comment


          #5
          Hi suki and welcome. If it was me I wouldn't break up but I am a hopeless romantic. I like what you said about being all or nothing though because its not right to keep you in limbo and but being able to date others.

          Here's something to think about if you do want to stay together. Your both young. 6 months isn't that long to wait, heck neither is a year. It may seem like a long time ... but in the whole scheme of things in a lifetime ... whats more important. Spending a few months away from the person you really love before you figure out how to close the distance or breaking up with the person you really love to spend those few months trying to find someone else and well ... you may not find someone that clicks with you the same way as that person did. How will you feel when your 41 and maybe in an unhappy relationship and wondering what it would have been like if you just waited 6 months to be with the person you really love. I'm the 42 year old wishing I had taken chances and done some thing differently in my life. You don't want to be like me. As 21 year old's with no major commitments to a career, a place you've worked at for 10 years, a home mortgage to have to figure out, (assuming) no children to worry about ... you have the world in your hands. You or he could move to each other easily. You could switch colleges ... in your guys situation you aren't locked down. Your young and free of the shackles that older people have to worry about. Now's your times to follow your hearts and be happy. If he wants to move by you, teach him how to speak and write your language. It might be fun activity to do anyway. I wish I had the opportunity to do that and be with the person I really loved ...

          Comment


            #6
            I don't think you two should give up. 6 months apart is not a long time. Last LD stint in my relationship was 7 months, and this time its looking like 8-10 months. Even I don't know when I will see my SO again.

            I think you both need to talk about your future together. If you plan trips, it gives you something to look forward to so that you don't feel like you're stuck in limbo. Of course, if he is really adamant that you shouldn't be together, then cut contact and don't wait around for him. There's no point in doing that.

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              #7
              It is hopless to break up as so to maybe get together again in the future. And it will not work being friends if one or both of you really want it to be a romatic relationship. You can manage 6 months, and it does not sound like you have thought everything throught with your careers. Also, it is possible to have long distance for a while before eventually closing the distance - you will not have to decide countries right away. If you are worth it, you will wait for each other . It is really simple.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

              Comment


                #8
                The thing is, relationships are about compromise. If as individuals you're not willing to meet your partner half way, make compromises and even sacrifices, every relationship you ever have is going to be "too hard" not just a long distance one. When you commit to another person, your life stops being just about you - so it's never going to work if you both approach it like it is. There's a lot that can be done to minimize your time at a distance if you work together on it.

                I personally think it's very slack of him to not want to be in a relationship with you, but to keep you around just in case. You deserve better than that, and if he isn't willing to work on a relationship with you, I support your need to cut contact and heal. Hearts are not play things.

                I wish you all the best, no matter how it turns out.
                Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person

                Comment


                  #9
                  Hello everyone, thank you so much for replying my post.
                  I read your posts so many times and kept thinking about our relationship and future.
                  We talked over and over again, and we decided to go back together
                  it seems he realized how much he still likes me.
                  Actually I was ready to move on but I'm happy to know that he loves me and doesnt want to let me go.
                  He said he would make efforts to contact me.
                  I'm not sure what will happen in the future but we want to work on it as long as we love each other.
                  Thank you again. You guys helped me soo much!! I cant appreciate enough.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Hey Suki, じゃぱにーずメンバーのFMっすw
                    なんかとりあえずは問題解決した感じ? それならよかった!:-)

                    I agree with the others who have said six months isn't all that long. Because, really, it isn't. During that period of time, you just need to be able to communicate well, and you may also benefit from being creative in terms of what you guys do together online as well. It could actually be a pretty cool segment of your long journey as a couple, even. ;-)

                    Also, remember to take it slow and make sure you two are both on the same page together. I mean, if you guys have been dating for a year already, then there must be reasons why your relationship has lasted this long. Nurture those elements well. But above all, follow your heart. Pay attention to the way your instinct perceives each situation, in terms of what feels natural and what feels "forced/awkward/unnatural", and whatnot. ;-)

                    All the best.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      すきさん、フォルムようこそへ!私の名前はロリです。よろしくねー^_^

                      Glad that you offered an ultimatum in this relationship, and that it worked out positively: you guys got back together! It's a bit sad that you were ready to move on, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. You guys will figure things out.

                      I wish you both the best! We're here for you :3

                      Comment


                        #12
                        FMさん>
                        こんにちは、日本人というだけで妙な親近感がわきます 笑
                        Thank you for your comment! we call or text each other every day so far. I shouldn't expect too much but I'm really happy that he is trying to committ in this relationship.

                        Lori>Thank you for supporting me This forum helps me so much. because when I look around, there are so many articles and people who believes LDR is unrealistic and hard. Everyone in here has hopes and believes our own love, which encourages me

                        Comment


                          #13
                          ここアメリカがベースのサイトだから、日本人って意外と少ないんだよねぇw
                          It's become a lot more do-able in the recent years with more and more people getting their hands on those wonderful devices we've come to know as "smartphones". If you both use them, you can download and install things like Skype that help you talk to each other without having to worry about the international charges for calls/texts. There's of course Line too, except I hear that doesn't let you log out once you install it and log on. Plus all the conversations you have via Line are saved on their server rather than your PC as logs... So, there's a bit of a privacy concern there as well. But I guess I'm going off on a tangent there, lol. xD

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