I NEED advice..

[Fretboard_Magic]

Okay I have a few issues with this. First of all his words "...the best ass I ever saw..." would bother me. Are there hot people in the world? Of course. But I better have the best ass around. It would really hurt me to think he was following or pursuing something that was better than me. It would make me feel very insecure. I mean, what's next, saying a girl is "the hottest girl I ever saw"? Ouch man. I know it's semantics, but I think it's okay to say someone has a nice body or whatever, but to say it's the best. That would make me feel awful.

Again, it's a figure of speech. If your guy's with you, then chances are you're on another level entirely. I suggest you relax. Other chicks may have the best asses, but to him, your ass is probably even better. ;-)

I don't like how people in this thread are trying to blame the OP and straight up saying that women overreact.

The OP made this thread asking for what we thought about her situation. Not all responses would be "Oh, I'm sorry he's being a disrespectful jackass to you". And this certainly is not about women in general being the ones to overreact. If some dude posted the same thing, then I'd say the same thing about his situation.

Did he actually touch any of these women? No. But perhaps the OP feels like she was cheated on emotionally, which is just as bad.

The way I see it, he was just joking around with his friends IN PRIVATE. This, for some reason, reminds me of "thought crime" where someone becomes accused of something they may have thought of but haven't even acted out on. If something intended as harmless is said between two people in private(because that's often how these things stay harmless), then it should be harmless in my opinion as long as it remains private. And this brings us back to the snooping thing. See my previous post on that one.

[differentcountries]

I can not see that he did such a bad thing commenting about a pretty girl to his friend (and being a wing man), exept perhaps saying it was the BEST ass. Obviously his wife should have the best ass Perhaps an idea to have a little talk about how you expect the other person to behave, or talk, and limits of fidility as well. It is easy to offend without meaning to. I too am a little curious as to how the message to his friend got read by her; was it public perhaps?

[Fretboard_Magic]

- Why is he FOLLOWING any girl around if he didn't intent to talk to her.. Guys usually follow you for a bit when they are tiring to work up the guts to talk to you in my opinion. He can admire who he wants but following someone isn't acceptable.

See my reply post #15.

- How are his friends & people he's around going to respect our marriage if this is the type of conversations they have. (I've never seen this side of him before, which is what disappointed me)

What kind of conversation he and his friends have in private should NOT concern you as long as they aren't plotting something drastic and horrible like murder or something, which they obviously aren't in this case. To be frank, it's really none of your business, just like it's none of my business what my girlfriend and her friends talk about.

- He did the same thing when he was visiting me in my country with my brother, he came home & tried to convince me to let him go on a date with my brother & 2 other girl. So I was like "why cant I go instead of the other girl, I'm your wife."

*facepalm* Of course he didn't want you there, that would've been like three-against-one situation sort of ganging up on the poor girl. I mean come on, it would have been you, your husband, and your brother, all from your FAM camp, versus this one other girl. God knows how intimidating that could have been for her. The way I see it, your husband was only trying to make sure the overall setting was optimal..to make sure the girl your brother was to hook up with didn't have to feel like she was pressured into the whole thing by his whole family, which a three(all from the same family no less!)-against-one setting very well could have led to. It naturally would have been a lot better if this girl could have brought one of her friends for the sake of her own emotional comfort, and to keep the overall atmosphere neutral.

Think of this in terms of a home game, away game, and a neutral game(let's say a game held at a third party location) in sports. A home game or an away game would work in favour of either party, but a neutral game would make the atmosphere that much more "fair" and unbiased. I personally would like to think that that was what your husband was trying to do. If you'd joined your brother and your husband, and pushed the second girl out of the picture, then it would've been a home game for you. In other words, an away game for the girl, which most likely would've been pretty uncomfortable for her. It's a speculation, but I for one think that, given the information that we have so far, it seems highly plausible.

-Also I'm very attractive so for him to say she has the ass he's ever seen bothered me yes.

See my post #16 on "figure of speech", as well as my opinion stated on privacy, snooping, trust, and thought crime, all of which can be found in my previous replies to this thread.

Even though were LD, I want our marriage to be pour & I dont want to miss little signs & be blindly in love with anyone.

I suggest you do less "looking for signs" and more actual communicating. Avoid confronting or accusing him of something. An ideal way to communicate is when two people are able to calmly discuss matters without one, or both, of them getting aggressive, offensive, and/or defensive about something.

[Sarah Lee]

Fretboard_Magic - I understood where your coming from with the girl bringing her friend along & I thought about that also.. which is why I told him it was ok for the 4 of them to go out & the girl turned out to be not what my brother was looking for. I guess the fact that he was so excited about the 4 of them going out made me sad since he was here with me for 2 months & he didn't take me out not once, I feel like any woman would be sad about that.

Also I wasn't snooping, his internet wasn't working & he asked me to read though the msg between him & his friend while we were on the phone bc he needed some info that friend had given to him... I feel like he just totally forgot about that convo or else he wouldn't have made me get that info for him. I love my space & I give him a lot of space, everyone says I give him to much space but that works for us so it never matter what anyone else says.

[Malaga]

He really just sounds sleazy, one of the guys who's happy to dwell in the 'grey area' so long it's not technically cheating. Does inappropriate things but always has a smart explanation for it. Married men who chat up girls in bars 'for a friend'. Also following/walking behind an unknown woman staring at her ass is really creepy and men like that make women feel unsafe. I wonder how would any of the women who posted that it's not a big deal feel if a random guy followed them around leering at their ass?
Even if he didn't actually do it, it's unsettling that he would think acting like a sexual predator is a cool thing to brag about. I don't know what you can do about it as I think it's a character flaw but you should put your foot down and insist on boundaries.

[lucybelle]

Again, it's a figure of speech. If your guy's with you, then chances are you're on another level entirely. I suggest you relax.

{removed}

[differentcountries]

the fact that he was so excited about the 4 of them going out made me sad since he was here with me for 2 months & he didn't take me out not once.

This. You really should tell him you want to be invited out.

[differentcountries]

I wonder how would any of the women who posted that it's not a big deal feel if a random guy followed them around leering at their ass?
.

guys hang around to stare at me all the time. It is ok because most days i like the attention. When i were more into girls it bugged be because i felt more preassured. But someone getting turned on is not in itself threatening. I hate it if people grab me though, or act as if i own them sex.

[MZVIRGO82]

Op-if his behavior is bothering you say something to him about it. Who gives a damn about what other people say. You do not have to explain your feelings to us-only your husband. If you truly feel like his behavior is unacceptable, perhaps its time for you all to have a talk about boundaries and what your expectations are in terms of him being a "wing man".

I do agree with one of the posters (sorry too lazy to go look up the name) when it was said that your husband isn't married and not blind. The reality is he will look and if he sees someone attractive he will notice. The part that matters is how he reacts when he sees whatever or whoever he is attracted to. At the end of the day, if his actions that bother you-call him out on it.

[lyonsgirl]

I do agree with one of the posters (sorry too lazy to go look up the name) when it was said that your husband isn't married and not blind. The reality is he will look and if he sees someone attractive he will notice. The part that matters is how he reacts when he sees whatever or whoever he is attracted to. At the end of the day, if his actions that bother you-call him out on it.

He may not be dead, but he IS married. To me, and this may be a completely different topic, but, marriage is a commitment to ONE person. Sure, feel free to "notice" women, but that doesn't mean you should go commenting on how "perfect that chick's ass is". Same goes for women. Go ahead and notice how chiseled he is, sure, but you seriously don't need to comment on it. I admit I've noticed attractive guys, but I won't ever say anything about them. (Or if I do, they're usually celebrities and my husband just rolls his eyes at me.)

[Malaga]

guys hang around to stare at me all the time. It is ok because most days i like the attention. When i were more into girls it bugged be because i felt more preassured. But someone getting turned on is not in itself threatening. I hate it if people grab me though, or act as if i own them sex.

Do you also mind if random guys follow you? More power to you. For thousands of women things like that mean harrassment and fear. Someone getting turned on is threatening if they let you know it when you didn't invite it. Nobody should take that kind of liberty. Following someone around to leer at them is similar to taking upskirt photos or spying on women's toilet. But hey, at least it's not groping

[Hollandia]

I recall a few other threads and this is just the tip of the iceberg the way her husband has treated her. He has shown repeatedly that putting effort into spending time with other women other than her is more important at times, if I recall correctly one of them being an ex that wanted him back.

Couples come from different upbringings and if one couple agrees to ABC type of parameters and another couple belongs to a completely opposite one, it does not make one right or one wrong. She has every right in the world to feel this way. Saying that a woman don't have a right to expect her husband not to actively pursue other women is paranoid or wrong, is incorrect. It is a matter of opinion. When you look at all the different viewpoints on dating and other's opinions of them you can be told opposite opinions of anything from age difference to race to religion to sex and so why do you have a right to judge her opinion about her relationship parameters anymore than someone doing to that anyone that falls into those categories? You don't.

She feels the way she feels. She needs to sit down with him and hammer out what they both can agree to be acceptable in this matter. I don't think she is going to get the response she wants from him because imo he already is aware of what she expects and has chosen repeatedly to do as he wants regardless of the damage it is causing their relationship. I say this because of not just this thread, but because of all of them. Yes, they are not the same thread, but they are all about this same issue of her having problems with him and his continued attention to other women and her feelings about it. OP I think you should really reference your previous threads when you ask for an opinion on a subject that is directly related if you want to get the best advice. If I had only read this thread, my advice would have been different.

I also agree that some married guy following me to check out my ass or boobs is creeping and low class. If the woman reported him to a cop he could have been arrested for it if she wanted to press charges against him.

[differentcountries]

Do you also mind if random guys follow you? More power to you. For thousands of women things like that mean harrassment and fear. Someone getting turned on is threatening if they let you know it when you didn't invite it. Nobody should take that kind of liberty. Following someone around to leer at them is similar to taking upskirt photos or spying on women's toilet. But hey, at least it's not groping

Depends on how it is of course. I would probably have liked it less in India or some other country where women easily get attracted or haressed. But yes i am used to a bit of sexual attention. I have curves and all that. And i too can like to show off. I can get scared if i think a guy is Following me when i go home at night, but a guy oogling me in daylight is mostly harmless. Of course it is not ok to film or photograph anyone without their permission. If a girl is not comfortable being stared at she can ask the guy to be more discreet.

[snow_girl]

Depends on how it is of course. I would probably have liked it less in India or some other country where women easily get attracted or haressed. But yes i am used to a bit of sexual attention. I have curves and all that. And i too can like to show off. I can get scared if i think a guy is Following me when i go home at night, but a guy oogling me in daylight is mostly harmless. Of course it is not ok to film or photograph anyone without their permission. If a girl is not comfortable being stared at she can ask the guy to be more discreet.

The night rapists are day ooglers you know. Just cause it isn't at night doesn't mean it couldn't potentially become dangerous. And are you seriously telling me you'd go up to a guy and tell him to knock it off? If a guy is trashy enough to outright stare, he is not just going to be like "oh pardon me, my fault" No, he'll be a jackass or make some crude comment or maybe tell you to stop dressing like a slut if you don't like it.

[Hollandia]

Depends on how it is of course. I would probably have liked it less in India or some other country where women easily get attracted or haressed. But yes i am used to a bit of sexual attention. I have curves and all that. And i too can like to show off. I can get scared if i think a guy is Following me when i go home at night, but a guy oogling me in daylight is mostly harmless. Of course it is not ok to film or photograph anyone without their permission. If a girl is not comfortable being stared at she can ask the guy to be more discreet.

Women get raped and attacked everyday all over the world in daylight. Some men feel that if you put it out there, you are asking for it. We have crimes against stalking over here in USA and that is the country that the OP's husband is in. This all being said, it is drifting from the OT so I am going to drop it.