Cultural Differences and Language Barriers with your SO

[TexastoFinland]

I saw there were posts considering this but maybe there are some new couples on here that have cultural differences in their relationship. Those are the differences that you rally can't be mad about. You can talk them through. I would like to know what the differences some of you have and how you deal with them?

What about Language barriers? Who has those? How do you deal with those?

[Ahava]

Not really a language barrier, but one thing that we come across often is that I don't understand an English (slang) saying/word which is used in his area. So he sometimes has to explain these to me or then I google.

[lucybelle]

When my SO and I met we both spoke each other's language pretty well. Now we can both express whatever we want in either language. So there was never much of a "barrier". I have had to correct him on a few things. One time he called me a "bitch" because he thought that was totally normal after seeing it so much on TV (thanks *society*). I knew he didn't mean to hurt my feelings so I just said "that's an offensive word and it's not okay for you to call me that" He apologized, said he didn't know, and it's never happened again. So you do have to take certain things in stride and talk about it before getting angry.

Cultural difference isn't too huge. He's a pretty progressive tico and isn't one of the jealous, overbearing macho men which Latinos can certainly be. He did have to adjust to being in the USA, just like I had to adjust to being in Costa Rica, but I don't think it's been anything too serious. We're good about talking about what's going on and being understanding when one person hates the other person's country. Which has happened plenty.

[TwoThree]

We do not have a language barrier. My SO's English is near perfect, and I have never had trouble making myself understood by him.

As for cultural barriers, our respective cultures are like night and day. At the start of our relationship I used to be a bit upset by (for instance) his reluctance to express his emotions (or what I interpreted to be reluctance) but now I think we understand each other much better. And I guess we're both pretty open-minded when it comes to the other's culture.

One thing that still bugs me a bit is family relationships. My SO is very close to his family (slightly closer than the average Finn, I think) and yet it's still not close enough by my standards. I was quite shocked once when I asked him a question about his brother and he said that he didn't know, that they never discussed such an issue. It seemed so strange to me, but I've learned to respect those boundaries.

[differentcountries]

I have to keep my English simple for him. Sometimes he pronounce words strange, like his accept sounds like escape. He sometimes expands his vokabulary from dictionaries, like he had learned himself the word mastocate, but did not know the word chew. I was starting to wonder how masturbation was related to his tooth ace! Sometimes it is like I can hear his Turkish underneath his English. I so wonder what he really means.

[TexastoFinland]

I have to keep my English simple for him. Sometimes he pronounce words strange, like his accept sounds like escape. He sometimes expands his vokabulary from dictionaries, like he had learned himself the word mastocate, but did not know the word chew. I was starting to wonder how masturbation was related to his tooth ace! Sometimes it is like I can hear his Turkish underneath his English. I so wonder what he really means.

My SO speaks to me in English clear but the meaning behind it is like WHAT THA F...? SO I ask my Finnish girlfriends and it seems to them that he actually translates it directly the way you say it in Finnish to English and we know translations to English are NOT exact. I used to get angry in the beginning about how he spoke to me. Finnish is so harsh sounding at times and of course I am from the south so we have much stricter rules of manners and such. It was like WOW this guy has no manners at first. It is all in the persons raining and I guess I had to open my mind which was difficult at first. I was raised in the south were we think we have the market on good manners!! LOL

[Moon]

Language was never much of an issue for us, we've both learned so much in the last almost 5 years, and he was pretty much fluent anyway. Like TwoThree said, families seem more distant in Finland than they are here, which does bother me a little bit. The heavy alcohol culture in Finland is something I'll never get used to though, I like to drink as much as the average person, but taking the night train from Helsinki on the weekends is awful.

He has trouble with the friendliness of American culture, he cannot understand that it isn't fake, or salesmanship, we really do enjoy petting strangers dogs, and striking up conversations with people while waiting for things. He's getting better with American "small talk" (how are you, what about this weather, etc) though. He hates American optimism and positive thinking I hate Finnish pessimism, and depression for no reason. He does really like the customer service here though, but then again, service workers in Finland have always been very nice and helpful to me, too. Tipping confuses the hell out of him

Culturally, we have a few differences, but they aren't that much, and mostly we just laugh about them when they come up. I think if you respect each others upbringing, and don't automatically assume your way is the right way, most cultural differences are easy to overcome.

[Moon]

My SO speaks to me in English clear but the meaning behind it is like WHAT THA F...? SO I ask my Finnish girlfriends and it seems to them that he actually translates it directly the way you say it in Finnish to English and we know translations to English are NOT exact. I used to get angry in the beginning about how he spoke to me. Finnish is so harsh sounding at times and of course I am from the south so we have much stricter rules of manners and such. It was like WOW this guy has no manners at first. It is all in the persons raining and I guess I had to open my mind which was difficult at first. I was raised in the south were we think we have the market on good manners!! LOL

Ahhhh...so he speaks Finglish I work for a Finnish company, I hear an awful lot of Finglish!

[Tooki]

My SO speaks to me in English clear but the meaning behind it is like WHAT THA F...? SO I ask my Finnish girlfriends and it seems to them that he actually translates it directly the way you say it in Finnish to English and we know translations to English are NOT exact. I used to get angry in the beginning about how he spoke to me. Finnish is so harsh sounding at times and of course I am from the south so we have much stricter rules of manners and such. It was like WOW this guy has no manners at first. It is all in the persons raining and I guess I had to open my mind which was difficult at first. I was raised in the south were we think we have the market on good manners!! LOL

I have the same problems with my GF. Her English is very, very good but she can appear to sound rude at times because it's almost rare to use manners in Estonia. At the same time she has picked up on some of the more obscure Australian slang so I can use them with her. I keep reminding her to use manners but she always forgets .

I also find it cute how my GF mistakingly uses 'he' instead of 'she' at times because Estonian has no gender and she forgets to make the distinction.

I used to get annoyed at how cynical and negative my GF is (another Estonian trait) but I've ended up becoming more cynical and negative in return .

I've also grown to appreciate how efficient Estonian society is (particularly bureaucratically and socially) such that I appreciate not receiving much service at stores...

[TexastoFinland]

Language was never much of an issue for us, we've both learned so much in the last almost 5 years, and he was pretty much fluent anyway. Like TwoThree said, families seem more distant in Finland than they are here, which does bother me a little bit. The heavy alcohol culture in Finland is something I'll never get used to though, I like to drink as much as the average person, but taking the night train from Helsinki on the weekends is awful.

He has trouble with the friendliness of American culture, he cannot understand that it isn't fake, or salesmanship, we really do enjoy petting strangers dogs, and striking up conversations with people while waiting for things. He's getting better with American "small talk" (how are you, what about this weather, etc) though. He hates American optimism and positive thinking I hate Finnish pessimism, and depression for no reason. He does really like the customer service here though, but then again, service workers in Finland have always been very nice and helpful to me, too. Tipping confuses the hell out of him

Culturally, we have a few differences, but they aren't that much, and mostly we just laugh about them when they come up. I think if you respect each others upbringing, and don't automatically assume your way is the right way, most cultural differences are easy to overcome.

Well the small talk thing is something I had to work with my SO over as well. We we first got together, I used to go to his place on weekends and when I made him coffee we would sit and look out the window. It was quiet. He would say "why can't you be quiet" when I started talking.. lol.. I started saying "oh look at that squirrel... or awee little kids!! I really had to show him what small talk looks like.

He also hates that how when I go somewhere in Finland, I steal the show. Because of my "exotic" look and his normal average FInnish look, I get all of the stares and comments when we go places. Finnish men try to talk to me even when we are together. He is like "Finns never talk to strangers, you just draw attention everywhere you go." I think he is like a fly on the wall and I am the opposite, and it bothers him a bit. I know a few Helsinki Finns that are really outgoing because Helsinki isn't like the normal Finnish people. They are used to dealing with foreigners and such. But he lives in Turku and we spend a lot of time in Karelia when we are together.

About the drinking culture in Finland: I lived in Texas where I never drink (even now) but when I go to Finland I am a different person.. mostly because I have tons of friends and I lived there for four years. At first, my family thought I was becoming an alcoholic because I would walk home at 4 am after the bars close and it is daylight in summer. They thought I would get robbed or raped. I had to remind them that Finland is the safest country in the world. everytime I host a party in FInland, everybody brings alcohol and nobody brings food. It's the opposite here in Texas. It was weird. Also the Sauna culture was weird at first.

I cant wait until my CO comes to the US. I think he will have a hard time understanding how nice people are. Although since he has been dating me he says that my sweet southern charm has ruined him. He is not sure he could go back to dating Finnish women.. so that's a plus right?

[TexastoFinland]

I have the same problems with my GF. Her English is very, very good but she can appear to sound rude at times because it's almost rare to use manners in Estonia. At the same time she has picked up on some of the more obscure Australian slang so I can use them with her. I keep reminding her to use manners but she always forgets .

I also find it cute how my GF mistakingly uses 'he' instead of 'she' at times because Estonian has no gender and she forgets to make the distinction.

I used to get annoyed at how cynical and negative my GF is (another Estonian trait) but I've ended up becoming more cynical and negative in return .

I've also grown to appreciate how efficient Estonian society is (particularly bureaucratically and socially) such that I appreciate not receiving much service at stores...

Yep Estonia and Finland as alike in language and culture. I fell in love with how much Estonia is like the US and Finland all rolled into one.. totally a place for me to be. (I can explain later if you like).

I remember when I first went there and I saw the Estonian men look like Finnish men. I don't know what I expected but I was like WOW!

[TexastoFinland]

Ahhhh...so he speaks Finglish I work for a Finnish company, I hear an awful lot of Finnglish!

No his English is actually pretty normal although he can mimic "rally driver English" quite well. I think his is due to lack of verbal use. He has gotten so he will ask me what something means. In the beginning he wouldn't. We had this discussion since I am and English teacher why I don't help him with his English. HELL NO! I am not going there. Can you imagine how correcting your SO could ruin your relationship? Anyway, I let him teach me Finnish and it is quite annoying because when we are in the car he is quizzing me all the time...pointing

him: "what's that?"
me: "äiti ja pikkulapsi".
him: Pi-k-ku-lap-si
me: Ok I said it wrong! so!! Im American
him: I don't want you to speak Finnish like thoes Kebab stand owners

LOL!

Funny teaching each other!!

[Samantha94]

I have the same problems with my GF. Her English is very, very good but she can appear to sound rude at times because it's almost rare to use manners in Estonia. At the same time she has picked up on some of the more obscure Australian slang so I can use them with her. I keep reminding her to use manners but she always forgets .

I also find it cute how my GF mistakingly uses 'he' instead of 'she' at times because Estonian has no gender and she forgets to make the distinction.

I used to get annoyed at how cynical and negative my GF is (another Estonian trait) but I've ended up becoming more cynical and negative in return .

I've also grown to appreciate how efficient Estonian society is (particularly bureaucratically and socially) such that I appreciate not receiving much service at stores...

Yeah I make the same mistake messing up "he" and "she" sometimes (but not as much anymore).

But well sometimes language barrier is a bit of an issue, since I can't speak English that well. I mean I completely understand what he says but when I need to explain something in more detail (like school related stuff), I need help or I just give up.

Furthermore, first my dad didn't like my SO because my dad can't speak English and SO can't speak Estonian well, so they can't really communicate. Mum can only say few words so only way my parents can talk to my SO is when I am translating. Which is sad, because my dad is awesome and I know that he would get along with my SO very well if only they could communicate with eachother.

[Tooki]

Yeah I make the same mistake messing up "he" and "she" sometimes (but not as much anymore).

But well sometimes language barrier is a bit of an issue, since I can't speak English that well. I mean I completely understand what he says but when I need to explain something in more detail (like school related stuff), I need help or I just give up.

Furthermore, first my dad didn't like my SO because my dad can't speak English and SO can't speak Estonian well, so they can't really communicate. Mum can only say few words so only way my parents can talk to my SO is when I am translating. Which is sad, because my dad is awesome and I know that he would get along with my SO very well if only they could communicate with eachother.

For me, my GF's immediate family can speak and understand English quite well, but they rarely use it around me .

Also Finns and Estonians are very easy to differentiate once you are around both long enough . Finns and Estonians agree

[TexastoFinland]

For me, my GF's immediate family can speak and understand English quite well, but they rarely use it around me .

Also Finns and Estonians are very easy to differentiate once you are around both long enough . Finns and Estonians agree

Hopo hopo! Of course they wont say they are alike but they are pretty much alike.. more than they are like Russians and Finns are like Swedes and they even share the same language family. They are as much alike as we are to the Canadians but Canadians don't like to be called Americans.. go Figure!!