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    #1

    setting a date to meet

    Just a little background info, I'm in the USA and he's in the UK. We met online in August 2013 and have been talking ever since. Here's my problem, it's been 6 months and we do not have a date set for when he'll come see me. It's all a matter of waiting for him to save up to come here, but he refuses to even give me a rough idea. I'm not looking for exact dates, just a time frame would be nice. I feel like I'm waiting with literally no end in sight. He doesn't want to give me a time frame because he's not sure himself, and he knows that I'm the type to get my hopes up. At this point, I would rather have something to look forward to and possibly be let down by, then to not have anything to hold onto at all.

    I just don't know how to explain this to him, or to get a response out of him.
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    #2
    Why can't you go to him?


    2016 Goal: Buy a house.
    Progress: Complete!

    2017 Goal: Pay off credit card debt
    Progress: Working on it.

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      #3
      It might seem like giving a timeframe is easy, but a lot of questions play a big part of the reply to this seemingly easy question: "When will you go see me?".
      Trips from Europe to America are very expensive and he probably has to figure things out to make it worth while - spending 1000£ on a flight for only a day is probably not what you want either.

      Instead of asking him to give you a timeframe when he will see you, why don't you try to figure out, with him, what needs to be done for him to be able to go visit you.
      Does he need to find a job? Does he need to get time off for the visit? Does he need to change his lifestyle a little to be able to save more money? Will he be able to stay with you or is he going to stay at a hotel? This would mean he needs more money. When do you have time? Will you both be able to be free at the same time?

      Relationship began: 05/22/2012
      First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
      Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
      Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
      Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
      Married: 1/24/2015
      Became Resident: 9/14/2015

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        #4
        Originally posted by lyonsgirl View Post
        Why can't you go to him?
        I could, I have the ability to take time off of work whenever I want, and really, for as long as I want. And I have the money to go, he is just set on coming to see me first. I was making plans to go in April, but we had some issues and decided to go back to our original plan of him coming over first.

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          #5
          Originally posted by snow View Post
          It might seem like giving a timeframe is easy, but a lot of questions play a big part of the reply to this seemingly easy question: "When will you go see me?".
          Trips from Europe to America are very expensive and he probably has to figure things out to make it worth while - spending 1000£ on a flight for only a day is probably not what you want either.

          Instead of asking him to give you a timeframe when he will see you, why don't you try to figure out, with him, what needs to be done for him to be able to go visit you.
          Does he need to find a job? Does he need to get time off for the visit? Does he need to change his lifestyle a little to be able to save more money? Will he be able to stay with you or is he going to stay at a hotel? This would mean he needs more money. When do you have time? Will you both be able to be free at the same time?
          I just feel that if he had a rough estimate it would give him something to work toward, and something for me to look forward to. Otherwise I feel like we're both just sitting in limbo. It doesn't make it any easier knowing I have the means to go over there, and yet I'm sitting here waiting because he wants to come over first. :\

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            #6
            Originally posted by standingoutsidethefire View Post
            It's all a matter of waiting for him to save up to come here, but he refuses to even give me a rough idea.
            I read all the replies, you said you have enough to go over there, can you pay for part of his ticket to speed it up?

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              #7
              He seems to have a lot of pride, wanting to save up for the money himself even though it clearly is a long stretch for him. That is sweet of him, but also kind of counterprodutive as six months have passed with no end in sight. You could offer to pay for half his ticket (in that sense you will be splitting the cost of the visit, in case it bothers him you are paying for all).

              Sorry love, if he doesn't have the money and the tickets are expensive, and possaby it is also hard for him to take time off from work (I am speculating, but this was my exact financial/job situation right after meeting my bf and not being able to set a date gave us both hell).... it is jut not possable to give you a date based on him saving up. What would he base that on? It is not always possable to predict how fast you can save money.

              I think you are both being stubborn and slow at explaining. Work together, with your money and time oppertunities, to find a way, and otherwise wait.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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                #8
                Originally posted by standingoutsidethefire View Post
                I just feel that if he had a rough estimate it would give him something to work toward, and something for me to look forward to. Otherwise I feel like we're both just sitting in limbo. It doesn't make it any easier knowing I have the means to go over there, and yet I'm sitting here waiting because he wants to come over first. :\
                Oh no! I am not saying don't ever ask for a timeline! But I think if you work on the things that are in between you will get your timeframe! If he has his mind set on coming over first, try finding out what is keeping him back. Why can't he come right now? How much money is a ticket and how much money does he have right now?

                I think if you find out why he can't give you an estimate, you can actually work on getting one!

                Relationship began: 05/22/2012
                First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
                Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
                Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
                Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
                Married: 1/24/2015
                Became Resident: 9/14/2015

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by NI_USA_love View Post
                  I read all the replies, you said you have enough to go over there, can you pay for part of his ticket to speed it up?
                  He's stubborn. I offered to pay the cost of putting him up somewhere while he's here. And in return he could do the same for me when I visit him. But he wouldn't take me up on my offer.

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                    #10
                    Honestly if it were me, I would just go to see him. I understand he probably has his pride etc but surely he'd rather see you as soon as he could rather than unknowingly wait months until he could come to you?
                    ~Shaunna~

                    *Distance isn't an obstacle when it comes to love, but rather a great reminder on just how strong true love can be*


                    We're engaged 2014 - save $$, 2015 - get married, 2016 - make the big move!

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                      #11
                      there is pride, and than there is just being stupid.
                      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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                        #12
                        Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                        there is pride, and than there is just being stupid.
                        I probably shouldn't have laughed at that, but I did. Don't get me wrong, I would much rather him come here first. I would feel more comfortable. At the same time, being able to go right now, but having to wait is frustrating. Eventually it will come down to me getting fed up and going, unless, for some reason he's purposely putting it off :\, I came very close to going over in April but we had some issues to work on after he broke some less than pleasant news to me.

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                          #13
                          In most of the articles about LDR tips, you see suggestions for having an idea for the next visit or time to close the distance. It's reasonable to want to know when you can see him. From understanding my SO, though, I bet I know why he doesn't want to give you a time. My SO doesn't want to get my hopes up only to disappoint me; he likes to keep his promises. It may be that your SO has no idea when this can happen and doesn't want to give you false hope. Sounds like he might be a man of his word.

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                            #14
                            I guess we are lucky because even though my SO is full of pride, he knows saying up 2 months pay (the cost of the tickets alone) will take him for ever... So his manly pride abdicates and he lets me pay. If he would try to be a real man, we would not be able to meet.
                            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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                              #15
                              Originally posted by piratemama View Post
                              In most of the articles about LDR tips, you see suggestions for having an idea for the next visit or time to close the distance. It's reasonable to want to know when you can see him. From understanding my SO, though, I bet I know why he doesn't want to give you a time. My SO doesn't want to get my hopes up only to disappoint me; he likes to keep his promises. It may be that your SO has no idea when this can happen and doesn't want to give you false hope. Sounds like he might be a man of his word.
                              This is true. And he knows I am the type to get my hopes up. It's happened before. But I'm to the point where I would rather get my hopes up and be let down, then to not have any clue as to when I'll see him. I know that sounds a bit crazy.

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