Trying to sort out thoughts

[pizza rolls]

Hey all, first time poster here...I've been reading around for a couple weeks and am oddly comforted knowing there are a ton of people going through the same thing as me. I'll try to keep this as short as possible!

Met my girlfriend last spring (she's from Europe, I'm in the US) while she was in the US for a year. We hung out several times over the summer, and each time it was awesome. Last fall she went back to Europe, so we've been doing the distance thing for several months now. I have been in 2 other LD relationships before, both with girls still in the US, just a few states away. Each one ended horribly when I tried to move closer to them. Now I'm finally back in an area I love, good job, lots of friends, etc. My SO is planning to visit here soon, but the visa can only be for 3-6 months. I'm excited to see her again, but sometimes I don't feel that excited. I might be apprehensive because I won't know what to do after 6 months. She would have to go back home, then I feel like we'd be starting over again trying to figure out everything to get to be together. I feel like the only option we have would be to get married, but I'm pretty sure I'm not ready for that yet. I know I'm the lucky one, she's making all the efforts to visit here...but then again she doesn't have a job, or go to school, and doesn't really want to be where she grew up anyway. I just don't want her to think the whole time here was wasted for nothing if she has to go back home after 6 months and I don't think I could do the LDR thing again...

Should someone smack some sense into me?

[squeeker]

I think you should appreciate the 3-6 months as a way to get to know her better in person again. Yes it will suck to go back to long distance after that time together. But it's doable. Maybe after then you will be in a position to look towards closing the distance, maybe just looking towards another visit. It's easy to get caught up with wanting to close the distance as soon as possible, but don't get caught up with rushing things too fast.. especially since closing the distance long distance will be quite expensive. I know because of my own relationship. We both don't have much money, since meeting, we have discovered what we want to do for jobs so have gone back to uni because closing the distance seemed even further away if we kept going the way we were.. at least now we have hopes of hopefully getting a good job after graduating and being able to save more money quicker and have a good life together. It sucks. But you do what you have to do when you found the person you want to be with.

And try and keep in mind.. would you rather be with her and long distance or not be with her at all? You've not been together even a year yet, and so it makes sense you aren't ready for marriage so don't rush into that. It does suck leaving and doing an LDR after a long visit but you have to do it when you're in an LDR and cannot close the distance.

And marriage isn't even an 'easy' option because the visas and everything can be very costly. And you don't want to rush into things. As tempting as it is... it's better to go slow and steady and have something that lasts than go fast and end up regretting your decisions and ending up miserable because you didn't think things through.

Good luck! If you love her and want to be with her more than you want a closed distance relationship with someone, then you can get through it. It will be costly and it will have hard/sad moments (especially right after a visit when you are transitioning into long distance again, and then the random moments that are harder than others for some reason or another). But you can get through it and it will be okay and stay strong.

[NI_USA_love]

I think you should appreciate the 3-6 months as a way to get to know her better in person again. Yes it will suck to go back to long distance after that time together. But it's doable. Maybe after then you will be in a position to look towards closing the distance, maybe just looking towards another visit.

This. Also, A LOT can change in 3 months, or 6 months. You might decide you can't live without her. You might decide the whole thing was a very bad idea. But here's the thing... you won't ever know if you don't try! So listen to squeeker, take it slow, and just enjoy the moments as they come.