Oh Grandma...

[Iaria]

so you have a FB that only has your mom and grandmom, or all your family? If it is all your family and you want him to be a part of that family someday, I would have him on both. If not, why? You are afraid of what your family will say about your relationship? Whether you really use it or not, you are hiding him from them on there and they might get to know him as more of a person if they saw him on FB interacting with you from time to time.

No, all of my family. But the only people I communicate with in my family are my nuclear family and my Grandmother. Which I am not close to. My grandma and Mother are just the ones that are like... facebook obsessed and think the word of facebook is like bible fact.
But also dealing with my grandmother who's beginning to develop Alzheimer, is "old fashioned", and tends to come to her own conclusions about things (like thinking my lol cat posts are all new cats I own) It would be easy to just make it so grandma can only see certain posts, but I can't. Because of this family gossip circle. I've hidden things from grandma or whoever before, but then some cousin sees it and some how grandma finds out and is now confused at why she can't see things.
It's nothing about "hiding" exactly, it's about being sensitive to people's reactions and not wanting to provide my rabid gossiping family (who never actually talk to me) material to play with.
It's kinda like little girl high school gossiping, but I get it with my own family.

And he is on both?
But I just couldn't be in a relationship with him on both? So we went with the one that I used? the one that Im always signed into? the one I chat with him from? The one I was chatting with him on when the question came into play...
He did not bring up anything about wanting to be in a relationship on the "real name" facebook, until yesterday, and I think that partially came from the fact that he was thinking of adding his own parents to his facebook, and wanted it connected to my actual.
Problem is, that because he doesn't want my family "investigating" him (and grandma would, and in turn gossip about him with the rest of the family which would then make them nose around), I can't have it public.
My family is just that nosy.

I am, in no way, hiding him, outside his own requests to basically stay out of family gossip the best he can.

I think are you are completely misunderstanding and taking my words far incorrectly.

[differentcountries]

I usually keep everything on Facebook very "family friendly" because that is the simplest way. If I want to communicate something I am not happy with 700 people knowing, I post it in a group or in private messages. What I know a lot of my friends do, is they have a lot of "layers" in Facebook so that they can post something for closest friends and the rest for everyone else. So basically, most people will not see what they post, even if they are friends with them. If Grandma tends to misunderstand, she probably understands so little of Facebook that she would not get she was blocked from most posts anyway.

[Hollandia]

No, all of my family. But the only people I communicate with in my family are my nuclear family and my Grandmother. Which I am not close to. My grandma and Mother are just the ones that are like... facebook obsessed and think the word of facebook is like bible fact.
But also dealing with my grandmother who's beginning to develop Alzheimer, is "old fashioned", and tends to come to her own conclusions about things (like thinking my lol cat posts are all new cats I own) It would be easy to just make it so grandma can only see certain posts, but I can't. Because of this family gossip circle. I've hidden things from grandma or whoever before, but then some cousin sees it and some how grandma finds out and is now confused at why she can't see things.
It's nothing about "hiding" exactly, it's about being sensitive to people's reactions and not wanting to provide my rabid gossiping family (who never actually talk to me) material to play with.
It's kinda like little girl high school gossiping, but I get it with my own family.

And he is on both?
But I just couldn't be in a relationship with him on both? So we went with the one that I used? the one that Im always signed into? the one I chat with him from? The one I was chatting with him on when the question came into play...
He did not bring up anything about wanting to be in a relationship on the "real name" facebook, until yesterday, and I think that partially came from the fact that he was thinking of adding his own parents to his facebook, and wanted it connected to my actual.
Problem is, that because he doesn't want my family "investigating" him (and grandma would, and in turn gossip about him with the rest of the family which would then make them nose around), I can't have it public.
My family is just that nosy.

I am, in no way, hiding him, outside his own requests to basically stay out of family gossip the best he can.

I think are you are completely misunderstanding and taking my words far incorrectly.

No, I get it. You don't want him on that one, period. We all have nosy family that gossips, mine is like General Hospital. I get that you want a place where you can be you and place that you can appease your family. I still think he can be on both. Not only can your family not see what he would say on that one, he cannot see what they say. It's your call but you are keeping him off the FB that has your family on it and so I totally understand him wanting to be on that one as well. If he asks, will you allow it? I am sure he can promise to be careful about what he posts on that one and it is not unheard of or that difficult for him to be friends with both of them and if there is nothing wrong then at some point let them investigate him, he should have nothing to hide and once they have found nothing they will get over that gossip and move on to the next thing, this and DC is right about the different groups you can create and make separate privacy settings for.... but then again you have your mind set so I will bow out.

[whatruckus]

With my Facebook, I just say what I want to say and if someone doesn't like it, I pretty much don't give a crap and they can unfriend me if they want. Even family. I'm not going to sugar coat my posts. My family gossips all the time and they're all very condescending and narcissistic/elitist, both sides. They're going to talk no matter what. There's going to be drama no matter what.

I've gotten to the point where I just don't care. If they want to say something about my SO, so be it. Can't make everyone happy. They never have anything nice to say about me to begin with. :shrug:

[Miasmata]

Oh gosh, that's a really bothersome situation. I wish you the best for it, it sounds like quite the handful. I'm very lucky that my grandparents are very excited to meet my SO when he visits in July, but then again, my grandparents have lived and worked in various countries and always had to do with non-German people, so they are just much more openminded.

[merlinkitty]

Here's my perspective on this. My mom is really similar. Thank goodness she doesn't have a Facebook. Every single one of my friends she's done the same thing about that yours has done to you in this situation. I hate it, but I really cannot say a word to her about anyone or else I hear about it later. There was one time in particular when I was really young that she was running her mouth about a friend of mine and I couldn't tell you today what I said about that girl, but all I know is she heard me say every single word. I felt horrible. Still do honestly because I know how much it hurt her. I am sorry to say that I am a slow learner when it comes to things like this, but I have had to just cut her out of my conversations.

On Facebook, I used to have two accounts and when I got back to my main account I did some cleaning up. I've deleted almost 2/3 of the people since I've been back. I've set up filters so family, all of them, don't see certain posts. I can show you how to set up groups if you haven't done that yet. Makes blocking your personal life simple and quick. Regarding the relationship status, I can understand why it bothers him. He feels like you're hiding him when you're only protecting him and the relationship from the family crap. Truth of the matter is, if he's going to be with you long term, and I know you two are just in the beginning stages, you're going to have to reconcile yourself to the fact that you're not going to make everyone happy.

It really sounds like your family is in it for the gossip. The guy I used to date, they were the same way. Just nonsense people getting on your Facebook, commenting and stalking, and crap talking, and it was horrible. Maybe I've just got a lower threshold for that kind of crap as I've gotten older, but I am sick to death of miserable people, family or not, trying to make your life miserable too. They don't have to accept your life choices, but you don't have to accept their hateful manners either. People say that crap is out of love, but I just don't see how living two lives is really benefiting you. If this were me, I would start pushing back on them to let them know this behavior is unacceptable. Especially with your mother. She loves you, I'm sure, just like mine does. But it is so detrimental to have them crap talking everything about your life. This is going to dog you the rest of your life if you let it. No matter who you're with or what you're doing.

But it doesn't have to. You have the choice to take control and not accept how poorly your family is treating you. You're more important than that.

[whatruckus]

Here's my perspective on this. My mom is really similar. Thank goodness she doesn't have a Facebook. Every single one of my friends she's done the same thing about that yours has done to you in this situation. I hate it, but I really cannot say a word to her about anyone or else I hear about it later. There was one time in particular when I was really young that she was running her mouth about a friend of mine and I couldn't tell you today what I said about that girl, but all I know is she heard me say every single word. I felt horrible. Still do honestly because I know how much it hurt her. I am sorry to say that I am a slow learner when it comes to things like this, but I have had to just cut her out of my conversations.

On Facebook, I used to have two accounts and when I got back to my main account I did some cleaning up. I've deleted almost 2/3 of the people since I've been back. I've set up filters so family, all of them, don't see certain posts. I can show you how to set up groups if you haven't done that yet. Makes blocking your personal life simple and quick. Regarding the relationship status, I can understand why it bothers him. He feels like you're hiding him when you're only protecting him and the relationship from the family crap. Truth of the matter is, if he's going to be with you long term, and I know you two are just in the beginning stages, you're going to have to reconcile yourself to the fact that you're not going to make everyone happy.

It really sounds like your family is in it for the gossip. The guy I used to date, they were the same way. Just nonsense people getting on your Facebook, commenting and stalking, and crap talking, and it was horrible. Maybe I've just got a lower threshold for that kind of crap as I've gotten older, but I am sick to death of miserable people, family or not, trying to make your life miserable too. They don't have to accept your life choices, but you don't have to accept their hateful manners either. People say that crap is out of love, but I just don't see how living two lives is really benefiting you. If this were me, I would start pushing back on them to let them know this behavior is unacceptable. Especially with your mother. She loves you, I'm sure, just like mine does. But it is so detrimental to have them crap talking everything about your life. This is going to dog you the rest of your life if you let it. No matter who you're with or what you're doing.

But it doesn't have to. You have the choice to take control and not accept how poorly your family is treating you. You're more important than that.

Yep, yep, yep!!!