Too stressed, I need to talk

[François]

Hello every one,

This just an update after a week to keep you in touch.
No much things have change, she was ill the whole week and we haven't talk as much as usual. I hope it's just because she was ill and not an excuses. We keep trying to find a solution, she is suppose to talk with her mum because she didn't disagree so maybe she can help us to convince her husband even if I am not convinced that will work it's a way we have to try.

I'll tell you what will happen, but I think it will take a long time.

i keep hope. Please, pray for us

[Florann]

Sending positive energy your way. All the best and I do hope something works out!

[François]

Thank you Florann, so touching.

[François]

Hi everyone,

Here is an update to keep you in touch with my situation. (I am sorry if you think I am just telling my live

Thinks didn't changed a lot because she is often stuck by a family problem so I let her breath (and the Ramadan don't help us).
My doubts about her intentions are gone, we had few discussions about what we feel and what we want. We decided than what ever happen, I will fly there in October (or maybe November). I have find a second job to save money to rent a hostel room, because I think it will not be possible for me to stay in her parents home like we planned. When I told her she said I don't have to do that because she will work on it and find a way. (well, I'll use this money for a second trip, in all cases it's not a waste).
Now she seams to be more confident than after talking to her dad, I can feel it, and that give me strength and hope.

Thanks for carrying, see you

[TwoThree]

You are most definitely not going to stay in her parents' house, I can guarantee you that. Sorry for sounding a bit harsh, but your SO seems to somewhat delude herself on her family's principles, it seems to me.

They are Muslims, and they are religious enough to fast during Ramadan, that alone should tell you that having a foreign man, non-muslim and not related to them in any way, staying in a house where their unmarried daughter (and other females, possibly) lives is quite simply unheard of. So yeah, you definitely need to save up for a room.

[autumnistic]

While I don't have anything of substance to add -- I have never been in a similar situation -- I want to wish you the best of luck and to stay strong. This all seems very daunting and I would be so stressed.

[bluepotato1236]

its very normal here that muslim family are very conservative in Malaysia. they have really strong family ties and the children put really high values to respect and listen to their parents. not only muslim but also the christians.. but apart from the family..the government are too really strict with the muslim-other religion relationships.. you can put in jail for having this kind relationship and if caught staying together unmarried... if someones marry to a muslim in malaysia, he/she have to convert to a muslim too...Anyway, i hope all goes well for you two... hows the meeting went? or its in November?

Even for myself (im not muslim though, im christian), in the beginning of my relationship..my parents kind of disagree.. but after meeting with my now-husband..we get their blessings..

[François]

Hello,

Thank you for your messages, I have not come back here for a while cause I have been very busy with work.

My situation with my SO have not change. She have been in Indonesia for work for the past 2 months so couldn't try anything to move on (we can only text on twitter when she is on land, but she spend most of the time on an oil platform ). Happily, she may come back home early next month.
I have write a letter for her dad to try to convince him to think about it, she said it will help her to talk with him again and convince him. I don't know, maybe it could work.
The trip is canceled for a while, until we solve that situation.

bluepotato1236, Yes I know the difficulties about our different religions. I work on it from my side cause I know I will have no other choice than convert if we want to move on. I don't want to talk about theology, but I didn't knew lot of things about Islam before, now, I am "studying" it (I read the Koran, I watch documentaries, and I have meet a volunteer at the local Mosque).

For this time, I try to don't think about all those difficulties and enjoy the time we can spend together, even if it is just texting, We'll work on it when she will be back home.

[bluepotato1236]

yes..to make the relationship work when theres an objection from family is to tackle their family... and i think its a good thing that you write to her dad.. in fact in my opinion should try arrange skype call as well.and of course you going there and to meet her family in person will help too. at least for my case..but your SO needs to be supportive to you too and will help to explain you guys relationship to her family..to show that you both are serious..thats basically what my now-husband did. he came here and meet my parents..

wish you both all the best.. keep us updated..

[François]

Thank you bluepotato1236

Its nice to talk with someone supportive who understand well my situation. I'll keep you updated as soon as the situation move on.

Have a nice weekend

[François]

Hello everyone,

I am so exited, after a too long time, she may come back home middle of next week.

During her trip, I have take the time to write the letter for her dad and she will be able to read it and give me advises to improve it.
Before, I would like to have your opinions on it so you can read it under. I am willing to hear any constructive feedback and I thanks so much to everyone who will take the time to read.

The letter start here :
------
Dear sir H

My name is François, I am 30 years old and I am deeply in love with your daughter U.
She have already talk with you about our relationship and I understand your objections because our relationship is not “traditional”, I actually live 10 000 kilometers away, I am Christian and I don’t even speak Malay, but we are in love and, even if it will be thought, I know that we can get over all those obstacles and finally be happy together.
With Internet and airplanes the world became smaller and the distance doesn't mean much now, there is only half a day flying between us. All around the world there is peoples in similar situation, people who met during a trip or studying or, like us, online and beat the distance to finally close it. If it work for other peoples all around the world, why not for us?
Of course, we won’t stay in that situation forever, we plan to close the distance and live together, but before we will have to meet in face to face, to meet each other family and friends, to see how each other live in real because being together is the only way to confirm our feelings.
I also understand your objection regarding to our religions, she is Muslim and I am Christian. I have some Muslim friends and we have a large Muslim community in France from Algeria, Turkey, Tunisia… so I know that it is not possible for a non-Muslim man to marry a Muslim woman. As a Christian, I believe in god, the same god as you, that’s why I am seriously thinking about my conversion. I am reading the noble Koran and I have met my best friend uncle who is an Algerian Muslim volunteer at my local Mosque to talk together about theology and what does it mean to be a Muslim.
I don’t ask you to agree to our relationship blindly, but I hope you will not disagree without thinking about it, about U’s feelings, trying to understand and get to know me, the kind of person I am and what I have to give her. We are happy together and I know we will because, even if I never saw her in real, we talk every time and about anything, we know who we are, what we want and we already planned how to close the distance.
You don’t know me, but you know her and I think you know she is a wise and clever person, do you think she would stay with me if she didn't think I am a good person and we couldn't have a future together? I am not a person who avoid difficulties, I am entrepreneur, like you, and I believe in our love, I can feel in my mind and in my heart that she is my soulmate and I am ready to fight and sacrifice for her because she make me better and I love her more than anything.
I beg you to give us a chance. I sincerely wish I could have a conversation with you so we could get to know and I could answer to your interrogations and maybe allay your fears.

Best regards

[François]

Hello everyone, How are you ?

This message to let you know that she gave the letter to her dad this weekend. Happily he read it in silence, then gave it to her mother who read it, then... he read it again. After that she asked him what does he think about it and he said he can not take a decision now so he keep the letter and asked her my email address to reply me later.

She was a bit frustrated because she was expecting for an answer immediately, but personally, I didn't expect more than what he said.

I am still waiting for his answer, but, even if I try to don't expect too much, I am so happy because the first time he simply said no and this time he will think about it. I was worry that he may be angry against, trash the letter and prevent her to talk with me her because she is still with me but happily he didn't.

We have not win the war yet, but I think we have win a battle and that is what we need to keep hope because, even if I never told her, I was starting to think that it would never be possible.

[Miasmata]

That's great to hear. Tackling these kinda situations has to be a slow step by step process if there are defenses you gotta wear down. It's not easy to stay hopeful, but you are going about the right way, so don't give up