Confused over big choices...

[differentcountries]

there are a few jobs that i could get just with having my passport. My bf has a job illegally, but just with my passport a few places are a little more willing to hire me. So i am not too worried about not being able to get a job as much as everything else.

Ok, will they give you a work visa from this type of job ? will the pay be enough to support you and your daughter? Could your daughter go into daycare there? Could you perhaps take an education in cr? At the very minimum, you need enough back up money, or credit card acess, to buy an extra return ticket for yourself and your child. You dont want to risk that, if the relationship doesn't work out, or he gets problems because he doesn't have a cr citizenship, you are alone with no way of leaving.

[Ahava]

As everyone has said, I think the best thing in the long run is to finish your education.
Also I think your child should get to see her father and vice versa. Could it be posible financially going and spending at least a month with him in the summer each year? Or more if it would be possible to do some of the courses online? This would show both him and your family that you are responsible and taking in to count what is best for everybody.
In the mean time you could finish your degree, he could sort out his life and your parents would see that you have a sensible head on your shoulders.

[mllebamako]

As everyone has said, I think the best thing in the long run is to finish your education.
Also I think your child should get to see her father and vice versa. Could it be posible financially going and spending at least a month with him in the summer each year? Or more if it would be possible to do some of the courses online? This would show both him and your family that you are responsible and taking in to count what is best for everybody.
In the mean time you could finish your degree, he could sort out his life and your parents would see that you have a sensible head on your shoulders.

This is the best idea on this thread. If it's financially possible to go and spend summers or something in CR, it seems like that would be the ideal compromise.

[.:Sammie:.]

[QUOTE=Ahava;359357]As everyone has said, I think the best thing in the long run is to finish your education.
Also I think your child should get to see her father and vice versa. Could it be posible financially going and spending at least a month with him in the summer each year? Or more if it would be possible to do some of the courses online? This would show both him and your family that you are responsible and taking in to count what is best for everybody.
In the mean time you could finish your degree, he could sort out his life and your parents would see that you have a sensible head on your shoulders.[/QUOTE

I have suggested that going twice a year summer and winter when i am not in school, and that upset him. He says he just wants us with him. I am kinda of scared to bring my daughter there if i am intending to leave because i am not sure that he would let me leave. My parents told me that there is a possibility that if I bring my daughter there that they can take her from me and use her to hold me there. So if i go there with her, it would have to be for moving there i guess. I really dont want to think that he would do that, but of course my parents brought that up, now i have that fear.

[.:Sammie:.]

I'm not familiar with Costa Rica's visa regulations, but if they're like other countries, they wouldn't be happy about that and it would start to trigger flags. You can't move to a country on a visitor visa, which is usually what the 3 month ones are. Additionally, there's usually a period of time you need to wait before you can go back for another 3 months. So it could be something like you can go there for 3 months, but then you have to go back to the US for 6 months, or a year, or whatever, and then you can go back for another 3 months.

It doesn't sound like you and your daughter moving to CR is a particularly good idea.

I agree that it is risky, I havent had any problems in the past not saying that i wouldnt in the future. However, when i went previously i went for 90 days then came back for two weeks and went again for another 90 days. however, there is a risk with me continually doing that.

[mllebamako]

I am kinda of scared to bring my daughter there if i am intending to leave because i am not sure that he would let me leave. My parents told me that there is a possibility that if I bring my daughter there that they can take her from me and use her to hold me there.

You are very wise to be wary of this. What are the laws in CR regarding this? Like here in Mali, the man has pretty much all of the power and rights. I have to get parental permission signed by him and stamped at the mayor's office to take our kids out of the country. After the age of 6 here, the man has full custody rights if he files for them. These are definitely things you should look up and be aware of. Your boyfriend seems particularly emotional and sensitive and might be capable of using your child to keep you there because he has this romantic notion of how you all should be together no matter what.

[whatruckus]

I have suggested that going twice a year summer and winter when i am not in school, and that upset him. He says he just wants us with him. I am kinda of scared to bring my daughter there if i am intending to leave because i am not sure that he would let me leave. My parents told me that there is a possibility that if I bring my daughter there that they can take her from me and use her to hold me there. So if i go there with her, it would have to be for moving there i guess. I really dont want to think that he would do that, but of course my parents brought that up, now i have that fear.

See now, this right here scares me. I don't know your SO, but from the way that you've been describing him, he seems extremely controlling. Only wanting you to drop everything you have here, scoop your daughter up, and bring yourselves to CR. Nothing is an option for him except for you to go there permanently. If this is something that you're truly scared of, the fact that he and his family would be willing to use your daughter against you and basically hold you prisoner in CR by keeping her there, DO NOT DO IT.

[lucybelle]

I've been living on CR for three years with my tico husband.


1- immigration is cracking down hard on "perpetual tourists" People leaving every 90 days are now getting as few as 7 days on re-entry.

2- it is ILLEGAL to work on a tourist visa. Can you do it and probably not get caught? Yes. But it's still illegal and if you get caught you will be DEPORTED. Plus, the jobs that will hire illegal gringos pay VERY POORLY. No where near enough to support yourself and your baby. I'm legally working and make a good salary comparable to what most ticos make, and it's still half of what I made in the USA.

3- can your husband take your kid hostage? Highly unlikely though I'm no lawyer. CR red tape is kilometers long and there's a very low possibility it would go to court. Plus, your kid is a US citizen. No freaking way he could take her.

4- after living in CR for over 10 years you can apply for residency. Your SO should at least do that.

[Fretboard_Magic]

Contact an immigration lawyer, or two, or thirty. It really DOES sound like you require some professional help at this point.

As other posters have said......

If i would move to costa rica, it would be legally which means for now that i would be leaving every three months and returning. That is how long my visa is good for in CR.

This would not be good for your kid at all, and it would, and definitely WILL sooner or later, attract the attention of the immigration. Especially if you have a small child, too. At least that's what I've observed from MANY HOURS spent in that bloody Canadian immigration at the airport, anyway. You don't want to put your kid through something like this. Trust me on that. Get your father to obtain a legitimate US visa so he could come to YOU, or wait until you both can afford to move somewhere with a nice, safe neighbourhood for you to raise your kid together. But also seek professional help. Look up immigration lawyers and speak to as many of them as possible. Get different opinions from them and see if you can come up with the best solution. That would be pretty much all I can suggest, unfortunately...

All the best!

[lucybelle]

Wanted to add if there's one thing CR is tough on its child support. Not sure how it works for kids abroad, but if he doesn't pay child support he GOES TO JAIL. They will take his ass off an airplane if they have to.

[.:Sammie:.]

Thank you all for your advice and replies. I understand and agree with the points that all of you were saying. The thing that makes it so hard is that I believe me being here away from him is killing our relationship slowly. Like a poison. Every day it seems to be more and more distance between us and I have to be honest at times i have the urge just to pack up and leave it all behind and be with him. I feel that honestly if we are not together soon, our relationship will not last much more time. How much more, I dont know but to be honest it feels like not more then a few months. Some people, such as my friends and parents tell me that maybe its not meant to be, but I guess while they may have some validity in that, they also have not experience in what I am dealing with. They have never been in long distance relationships themselves, and when i try to explain to my mom how i feel she just tells me, I would never put myself in this situation in the first place, and I would have never dated long distance. I thank you all for listening to me. I guess i just didn't know where else to go other than to other people who seem very nice, and have at least been in a similar situation as myself.

[Ahava]

I don't think that he could take your child and forcefully keep you there, because he himself is there illegally.
I mean if he tried to go through the court system he would get found out himself.

Also there is one thing that has been nagging me about this. If he really cared for you and the baby he would have got his shit together (travelled to Nicaragua or what ever it takes) a long time ago. I mean 9 months pregnancy and did you say she was a year and he hasn't seen her yet? I think any responsible father would have done everything possible for either him to come and see you in the states or have you flown there. I might be wrong, but this thought popped into my mind. Not trying to judge him or make him look bad, it's just something I couldn't help thinking.

[.:Sammie:.]

I don't think that he could take your child and forcefully keep you there, because he himself is there illegally.
I mean if he tried to go through the court system he would get found out himself.

Also there is one thing that has been nagging me about this. If he really cared for you and the baby he would have got his shit together (travelled to Nicaragua or what ever it takes) a long time ago. I mean 9 months pregnancy and did you say she was a year and he hasn't seen her yet? I think any responsible father would have done everything possible for either him to come and see you in the states or have you flown there. I might be wrong, but this thought popped into my mind. Not trying to judge him or make him look bad, it's just something I couldn't help thinking.

He says that he is working on trying to get his papers in costa rica, but personally im starting to feel like he is just taking his time and that does bother me. Your right i feel that if he really did want to be with us he would go through Nicaragua. Instead he is choosing to do what he wants before being with us. Yes she is a year and he has not seen her. I have seen him once for our three year anniversary, after i hadnt seen him for 1yr 3mo. my parents watched my daughter. He knows i really do not want to bring the baby there, though he is always pressuring me to. I dont think he could try to keep the baby legally, im afraid of them trying to keep her illegally, or using her as a tool to make us stay once he gets me there with her.

[Ahava]

He says that he is working on trying to get his papers in costa rica, but personally im starting to feel like he is just taking his time and that does bother me. Your right i feel that if he really did want to be with us he would go through Nicaragua. Instead he is choosing to do what he wants before being with us. Yes she is a year and he has not seen her. I have seen him once for our three year anniversary, after i hadnt seen him for 1yr 3mo. my parents watched my daughter. He knows i really do not want to bring the baby there, though he is always pressuring me to. I dont think he could try to keep the baby legally, im afraid of them trying to keep her illegally, or using her as a tool to make us stay once he gets me there with her.

After reading this, I think you should concentrate on your and your daughters future and happiness. Not waste anymore time or money on him. I think before my marriage finally ended I would have thought and replied differently. But now I think you should let him be/leave the ball to him. I would tell him that if he can get his ass down to you, you would then happily have him, but that there's no reason in you doing all the work and making all the sacrifices.
If he truly loved you (in an true responsible adult way where you want the best for the other person) he would want you to finish your studies, get his own life sorted and agree to seeing you twice a year for a longer period of time.

Also about the love/relationship "dying". It doesn't die because of the distance or because you don't do what he wants. It dies because maybe it wasn't real (from his side) or strong enough from the beginning. If two people are truly invested in a relationship and love each other, that can conquer an LDR of many years and it stays strong. I think in a way long distance is a good way of seeing if the other person truly is interested or not.

I know it hurts, and I don't doubt your side and that you love him at all. It just seems very one sided. But I think you should let him go with the option of him getting himself to you/starting to act like a mature partner. What has he done to help you support your child so far?
And if that doesn't happen, I know you can and will one day find someone who loves and cares for you and respects your wishes and dreams.

[velkoria]

Hello,
I dont really know where to start, so please forgive me if I ramble. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3.5 years now. We met through a game online and a year later i went to met him in person. Him and i had a very great relationship, at least together, things have kind of changed on the computer recently. After, the first time I went to meet him, we decided to try to live together. He is in Costa Rica and I am in California. I lived there with him for 6 months leaving everything that i had here, pretty much giving up everything. My parents of course were not happy, then we got pregnant. I just recently went visit him after a year of not being able to see him at all. Our daughter also just turned one last week. He is really upset that we are apart and wants me to move to Costa Rica because it is going to take him a long time to ever be able to come here. The problem is that I am in school and school will take me at least another 5 years before i can get my degree. He gets upset with me because he says that my happiness is material and his is just us being together no matter the place, and he has no way to get here right now. When he was a baby his mother took him from Nicaragua to Costa Rica and never got him is papers in Costa Rica. So he has spent his whole life in Costa Rica illegal. I understand why he wants me to move there, I just do not know what the right decision is. My parents threaten that I will lose everything i have here if i decide to move to Costa Rica. I am going through school and my parents put a car in their name that is my car and I pay for every month. However if I moved there i would have no way of paying for the car, so the say they will sell it. Also, they say if it does not work out, I am on my own basically. I understand that as I am 24 years old and an adult. I am just not sure what i should choose. I really am so much in love with my boyfriend, but I am confused as what choice to make. He can not offer me anything sure and secure, he says that we will figure it out, the important thing is that we are together. But I am scared to give up everything and things do not work out, and I am left with no way to support myself and our daughter. In CR i would not be able to continue to go to school and i would not be able to get a job that i wanted because I would not have any legality seen as he is illegal himself. He wants to fix his legality in CR and that is taking a long time, they keep denying him. Another option is for him to go back to Nicaragua and try everything from there, however he is really against that. My parents and everyone else tell me to move on that he doesn't want to come here and that he just wants me to go there and give up everything and he is being selfish. But I love him and half of me is ready to give up everything and go, and the other half is scared to let go of security that i have here. Opinions? thank you

I just want to point this out and only address THIS part of you post (of course these is a HUGE bigger picture but this is the part I feel the most comfortable giving you advice on) US immigration laws SUCK big time. Like, you have no idea how much until you're on the recieving end of it. This does not excuse his behavior at all but sometimes I feel I need to remind US citizens that being outside of the US and not being a citizen/having LOADS of money SUCKS. Of course he always has the option of going back to Nicaragua buuut that takes time. Also, since you two share a child why haven't you guys looked into an immigration attorney to help with his issue of legality? Again I am not trying to say he is right for asking you to drop everything but just letting you know that maybe going there might be the only way he sees 'out' of his current situation for you guys to be together. Of course that doesn't mean it's the 'right' thing to do but yeah... just explaining it.

Whatever you decide to do you both need to remember there is a child involved who should be the number one priority. Sit down and talk to him about his immigration fears and take it from there.

Good luck!