Since I am new, i will start with an introduction.
My name is Tiffany i am from The US, My boyfriends name is Menno, He is from The Netherlands and we have been together for five years now (or some what around that... its complicated)
I will go ahead and apologize, because this will be a long post (unless i get lazy >_>)
I met him on a game over 6 years ago, yes a video game, a mmorpg. At first we actually didnt really get along and i believed he was a female (it was actually kinda hilarious) We soon got to know each other from him adding my msn back then, but about two weeks after he had to leave for a weekend long hockey thing (he said something that made him seem really... like a player) So i was hesitant to talk to him again, but i couldnt help but feel the pull of him on me, ended up learning it was a joke that he said (he has a weird sense of humor- ive learned to love it). Apparently on his way there and during he actually thought 'What if she lived here... maybe we would date' so at two weeks we were already becoming close, which was very weird to me.
I should give some idea of myself at this point: i do not trust people easily, muchless males because of a lot of things that have happened and alot of bad decisions i have made. I was molested,in many abusive relationships, i got into (hard and soft)drugs and i fought alot when i was younger. So him becoming close to me tore me apart.. in a good way i guess. But for the time being it seemed horrible, i went from someone who didnt show emotions to a ball of emotions in a year of talking with this guy. I was not ready for this.
I found out he had never been in a relationship and was very confused to as why- i later learned he had his own demons(which i will not post here because thats his to talk about)
For the first year and a half or so we only really every got to type/call without video and we talked day and night. Around that time mobile skype got an update and you could finally video call on a phone! i had no webcam so this was just amazing at that point, we stayed up all kinds of late, chatted and laughed as much as we could. I also told my mom (i was like 15/16 at this point- my mother went insane (shes kinda psycho but thats for... later)this continued, we played online games together and just were close.. we ended up dating somewhere around this point (neither asked or said yes... it just slid into place and we started acting like a couple... it was later brought up and we both agreed we were actually dating by then=P)
Three years after we dated- We decided to meet up! It seemed impossible but he assured me that it was possible (even though later he addmitted he felt the same as i) so instead of a plan he hastily made plans THREE DAYS before he flew out to me (oh my gosh this was- stressful) My mother wasnt happy but she dealt with it, at this point i guess she realized it was serious (i was 18). August 20 2012 i set my eyes on him- okay more of... i didnt even recognize him >_> my neighbor who had come with me saw him first.. (lol) and instead of being normal.. i ran to him and erm... tackled him flat on his back..seriously not exaggerating ( I WISH THIS WAS VIDEOTAPED!) he stayed here around a month and a half - it was absolutely amazing >.<! When he left i was in pieces.. broken beyond belief.. i cried for days... then i realized he left me little paper notes hidden in my room >.<! every tie i found onne i smiled like a goofball lol
He still was gone- it took me weeks to be myself again.. but this time around the chatting and gaming was different between us... i wasnt sure what had happened..
Neither did he know, but he didnt see it- but i definately did. He was more distanced, more easy to agrivate.. i was so distraught.. beyond hurt too. We would have good days when we watched movies- and we'd have bad days when my depression would come back and he would be in a mad mood because he worked all day. This lasted an entire two years almost...i didnt want to give up.
Then the plan of me going to meet him came up and i decided this would be my last try- he didnt know and i shouldve been more honest with him before this =/. I arrived in The Netherlands on May 13th at like 8am to be greeted by a big smiling boyfriend- and later on his family! i had planned to stay until july 23, that was a long time! And him to come back with me in the states until august 30th (today....=/) We went to belgium, germany, france (PARIS!)It was amazing and we have grown from this greatly- we are so muchh stronger then ever now, i dont know what i wouldve donne without him anyway =/.
Here is my question- how do you deal with the goodbyes?
I honestly believe i will never be able to cope with these goodbyes- they hurt even more then any breakup ive been through ten fold- it hurts so badly and my wound is so fresh today.. it hurts and is why i have searched for an online forum like this.
** i am sorry for this very very long post.. i felt like i needed to explain myself to someone.. give the whole story (okay a LOT is left out but yeah =P)**
*** a bonus for those who are here on my post, My username is TheCatAndTheFish because my nickname was always kitty or tiger and his name is pronounced 'minnow' so there is the reason x)
Thank you so much
-TheCatAndTheFish
My name is Tiffany i am from The US, My boyfriends name is Menno, He is from The Netherlands and we have been together for five years now (or some what around that... its complicated)
I will go ahead and apologize, because this will be a long post (unless i get lazy >_>)
I met him on a game over 6 years ago, yes a video game, a mmorpg. At first we actually didnt really get along and i believed he was a female (it was actually kinda hilarious) We soon got to know each other from him adding my msn back then, but about two weeks after he had to leave for a weekend long hockey thing (he said something that made him seem really... like a player) So i was hesitant to talk to him again, but i couldnt help but feel the pull of him on me, ended up learning it was a joke that he said (he has a weird sense of humor- ive learned to love it). Apparently on his way there and during he actually thought 'What if she lived here... maybe we would date' so at two weeks we were already becoming close, which was very weird to me.
I should give some idea of myself at this point: i do not trust people easily, muchless males because of a lot of things that have happened and alot of bad decisions i have made. I was molested,in many abusive relationships, i got into (hard and soft)drugs and i fought alot when i was younger. So him becoming close to me tore me apart.. in a good way i guess. But for the time being it seemed horrible, i went from someone who didnt show emotions to a ball of emotions in a year of talking with this guy. I was not ready for this.
I found out he had never been in a relationship and was very confused to as why- i later learned he had his own demons(which i will not post here because thats his to talk about)
For the first year and a half or so we only really every got to type/call without video and we talked day and night. Around that time mobile skype got an update and you could finally video call on a phone! i had no webcam so this was just amazing at that point, we stayed up all kinds of late, chatted and laughed as much as we could. I also told my mom (i was like 15/16 at this point- my mother went insane (shes kinda psycho but thats for... later)this continued, we played online games together and just were close.. we ended up dating somewhere around this point (neither asked or said yes... it just slid into place and we started acting like a couple... it was later brought up and we both agreed we were actually dating by then=P)
Three years after we dated- We decided to meet up! It seemed impossible but he assured me that it was possible (even though later he addmitted he felt the same as i) so instead of a plan he hastily made plans THREE DAYS before he flew out to me (oh my gosh this was- stressful) My mother wasnt happy but she dealt with it, at this point i guess she realized it was serious (i was 18). August 20 2012 i set my eyes on him- okay more of... i didnt even recognize him >_> my neighbor who had come with me saw him first.. (lol) and instead of being normal.. i ran to him and erm... tackled him flat on his back..seriously not exaggerating ( I WISH THIS WAS VIDEOTAPED!) he stayed here around a month and a half - it was absolutely amazing >.<! When he left i was in pieces.. broken beyond belief.. i cried for days... then i realized he left me little paper notes hidden in my room >.<! every tie i found onne i smiled like a goofball lol
He still was gone- it took me weeks to be myself again.. but this time around the chatting and gaming was different between us... i wasnt sure what had happened..
Neither did he know, but he didnt see it- but i definately did. He was more distanced, more easy to agrivate.. i was so distraught.. beyond hurt too. We would have good days when we watched movies- and we'd have bad days when my depression would come back and he would be in a mad mood because he worked all day. This lasted an entire two years almost...i didnt want to give up.
Then the plan of me going to meet him came up and i decided this would be my last try- he didnt know and i shouldve been more honest with him before this =/. I arrived in The Netherlands on May 13th at like 8am to be greeted by a big smiling boyfriend- and later on his family! i had planned to stay until july 23, that was a long time! And him to come back with me in the states until august 30th (today....=/) We went to belgium, germany, france (PARIS!)It was amazing and we have grown from this greatly- we are so muchh stronger then ever now, i dont know what i wouldve donne without him anyway =/.
Here is my question- how do you deal with the goodbyes?
I honestly believe i will never be able to cope with these goodbyes- they hurt even more then any breakup ive been through ten fold- it hurts so badly and my wound is so fresh today.. it hurts and is why i have searched for an online forum like this.
** i am sorry for this very very long post.. i felt like i needed to explain myself to someone.. give the whole story (okay a LOT is left out but yeah =P)**
*** a bonus for those who are here on my post, My username is TheCatAndTheFish because my nickname was always kitty or tiger and his name is pronounced 'minnow' so there is the reason x)
Thank you so much
-TheCatAndTheFish
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