Announcement

**JaneEmily** · September 1, 2014, 04:49 AM

I don't think he is neccesarily playing you. I think he is being more cautious and taking things slower because he likes you, and he doesn't want your friendship to turn out like the other times he liked someone, they met up and it didn't click.

I think you need to back off his case a little. Go back to the simple things that made your connection feel strong. He may be scared to go full out with his feelings because of past experiences. And I wouldn't force him to change his facebook status just to prove he likes you the way you like him. That's just forcing the relationship onto him. He's probably simply not ready to put a step forward until you've met up and seen if your connection is there in person.

Take it slow, go back to the simple things and try not to be in his face with it all. Express your feelings with 'I feel that..' and try not to use accusatives as it might make him even more so preserved. Just try to reconnect and don't force anything imo.

Good luck.

**Alsfia** · September 1, 2014, 04:57 AM

I think you might be a little demanding at this point. You said you've known each other 3 months (getting to know each other better for only 2) and you want him to spend more time on you and less on his thesis already? Education is important and he has every right to focus on his right now.

Have you guys actually talked about being exclusive yet or not? I also find he has a valid point in not being quite certain in how you will work once you meet. Sometimes, the chemistry just isn't there in real life, we've seen it happen here before, so it's quite understandable he doesn't want to jump straight into something very serious.

Take a step back and see where things are going! You have to give it some time, getting to know each other can be very fun and interesting even if you don't get to spend hours every day doing it. And just because he doesn't want to change his Facebook status because you demand it doesn't mean he is playing with you.

**p_b82** · September 1, 2014, 05:03 AM

There can be some very valid reasons why you would not want to change your FB status - I haven't myself yet and neither has my GF as while we are going out we dont want to tell the world until after our next meeting and we at that point will discuss how we want to handle some of the more difficult and challenging things in a UK/US LDR, face to face.

There is a big difference to 'liking' and 'loving' too, unless it is just a choice of words on your part, but it is not always easy to know how 'full on' to be either. One doesn't want to scare the other party away, and vice versa, so I'd cut him some slack on this side.

The fact that he has told you the reason he was hesitant, was because he was scared of getting hurt, shows that he is being open with you - he may be like many of us men, find it difficult to show emotion, and online it can be even harder when you can't see body language.

Relationships are about honest and open communication, and we dont all get it right first time, and sometimes we need to be told by the other party to adjust things slightly, as we are all different, and we don't always know things without being told.

For example - had you told him in advance that you have an issue with insecurity? If No then he would not know he needed to communicate with you more than he might have done otherwise. It is a two way street, and even more so in a LDR

My last comment is actually to never force an ultimatum on some-one in a relationship, it makes the other party feel like they don't have a choice but to pick one of your options, when sometimes a third possibility that you had not considered that they had been working on is an option.
My ex told me if I cut my hair she would love me less, I left it long and she broke up with me all the same....

Hope you work things out, but I think you are being a little hasty to end it, as he does seem interested from what you have said. (and writing a thesis can suck all time and concentration out of people if it is really technical, and you just don't realise where time has gone at times!)

**OperaDiva** · September 1, 2014, 05:08 AM

if he liked me he would have spent time on me more without me asking him

if he really likes me he should change his Facebook status, I guess it's the best way to see whether or not he's playing with me

I honestly think this is not a very mature way of thinking or acting towards a person that you care about and respect. He is not a mind reader, so of course he wouldn't know what you need unless you tell him. Try to be more open-minded about communicating and try to understand his point of view. He has apologised and has offered to meet your needs, so giving him an ultimatum about his relationship status on Facebook because you don't "believe" him is not mature either. And by the way, Facebook relationship status is not the best way to tell if somebody is serious about you, actions are. Do his actions match his words? Does he show you that he cares about you with consistent actions? You have only known each other for 3 months, so you two are still getting to know each other and it is normal that he would be cautious and patient.

**differentcountries** · September 1, 2014, 07:44 AM

Just tell him what you want to happen, in a nice way, and try to really listen to how he feels. He actually told you he is afraid to get heart broken, yes boys can be scared too. He probably wonders if you are one of those girls who will demand a lot and yet not take care of him in return.

Relationships develop at different paces. Since you are both cacious, it makes sense that things are moving slow. Perhaps you could work towards a visit and keep things upen until then.

**rubydissolution** · September 1, 2014, 09:56 AM

I second what OperaDiva said. You need to calm down and act like a mature adult in a relationship. This whole "if he liked me he would so this that or the other thing" is just nonsense. If you liked him you would understand how busy he is and if you were feeling neglected you would tell him. Guys are not mind readers. What is fine for them may not be fine for us. Proper communication is a must in healthy relationships. Work on it. This Facebook crap is nonsense too. Its Facebook! Its a social networking site and nothing more. Who the hell cares about relationship statuses and what not. This is going to sound mean but grow up.

**Unconditional** · September 1, 2014, 10:21 AM

I agree with everyone else who has replied. You are starting to sound very demanding which could end up pushing him away. Demanding him to change his.facebook relationship status is immature and selfish, he has family in there, he can't just be like, "I have a girlfriend , but by the way we've never met." Now I'm sure you could take this the wrong way of me saying that your relationship isn't valid because you haven't met yet, and that's not what I'm saying. I'm simply saying that perhaps it would be best to bring it up to other people after you meet and in a different way.
Besides, I really can't blame the guy for trying to shield his heart, after all sometimes you do meet up and it's not what you thought it'd be like.

**Petals** · September 1, 2014, 10:34 AM

You have received great advice thus far, please listen.

I just want to add that some people are hesitant about labeling the 'friendship' as relationship prior to meeting in person. My SO and I mutually agreed not to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend prior to meeting. This label sometimes add too much pressure to that first meeting and expectations might not be met. We knew we really liked each other and was even falling in love prior to meeting so we agreed not to actively seek other partners. We both hid our profiles on the dating site on which we met. On day one of meeting, we became a couple.

In addition asking for change of FB relationship status at this point is really pushing it, especially since he's cautious!

All the best

**Hollandia** · September 1, 2014, 10:35 AM

It has been 3 months and you have never met. You might want the moon and the stars instantly but relationships need to grow. If you like him, then date him. If you don't want to be exclusive yet, don't be. Don't get upset if he dates other women if you don't want to be. Don't demand his change his FB status because that is HIS FB page. That is like saying I love you and thinking he has to say it back to you, it happens when it happens. Facebook is a relationship killer at times, don't put so much merit into what his page says. Some people don't think that highly of that stuff.

If you are not happy with the way your relationship with him is going, end it. If you want to give it a chance, do it. He said he was afraid and admitted to pulling back and now you can either believe him or don't. If you want a shot with a future with him, go for it.

**DistanceSucks** · September 1, 2014, 10:41 AM

Some people told me he surely is playing me and there are also other girls in his play (he's got many female admires on Facebook)
they say if he liked me he would have spent more time with me, no matter how busy he is.
Well thank you very much for your advise.

**Hollandia** · September 1, 2014, 10:43 AM

Originally posted by DistanceSucks View Post

Some people told me he surely is playing me and there are also other girls in his play (he's got many female admires on Facebook)
they say if he liked me he would have spent more time with me, no matter how busy he is.
Well thank you very much for your advise.

Some people say that if you drive 5 mph over the speed limit you won't get a ticket, but ask any cop, if they feel like it, they can give you a ticket.

It is really best to get it from the horse's mouth.

**Unconditional** · September 1, 2014, 10:45 AM

Originally posted by DistanceSucks View Post

Some people told me he surely is playing me and there are also other girls in his play (he's got many female admires on Facebook)
they say if he liked me he would have spent more time with me, no matter how busy he is.
Well thank you very much for your advise.

This is NOT true. You either trust him or you don't and if you do, then what those people say should mean nothing. All they are doing is causing you doubts and pain. The people who told you this, were they ever in an LDR?
Also why. why would he lie to you? If he has no reason to lie, if he has nothing to gain by lying to you, then I believe he's telling the truth. There's a difference between have "admirers" and constantly seeking out women.
One can have (unwanted) admirers can't they? I always thought so.
You have gotten good advice, and I still do not change my opinion. I'm sorry to sound harsh, but I do not believe he is at fault right now.

**JaneEmily** · September 1, 2014, 10:46 AM

Are these people that know him personally? Or are they just other people online that have said this, or even.........just your own friends that don't know him?

Don't jump to conclusions just because you've heard through the grapevine. Most likely people say about others is BS.

You have to realise you guys are only friends for now, right? He can choose who he wants to "play around with" as much as he likes, and if he is too busy on his thesis which should be of high importance because it's to do with his own future - which could affect you both if you do turn out to have a relationship where he'll need a good job to save up for visits/closing the distance (IF you two do turn out having a full on relationship), which education can give you. If you want to be exclusive, then ask if there's a chance to be that. You can't just expect to be exclusive just because he told you he likes you in some way. And for him to drop everything for you when you're just friends for now. Take it slow. 3 months of friendship before dating is barely anything, try getting to know each other more. Me and my SO were friends for a whole year and a half before we even admitted we liked each other and then became a couple. Just don't try too jump the gun too quick on something that needs to take time to grow.

**DistanceSucks** · September 1, 2014, 10:50 AM

I'm not telling I want him to spend more time on me rather than his thesis, I'm just saying if he likes me at least he must spend 15 minutes everyday to talk with me and if he doesn't like me, he'd better let me go.

And yes, we both decided not to date other people, I told him it's okay for him if he wants to see other people but he said he doesn't want to meet anyone.

You're right. It might be different in real life, but I'm sure I'm gonna even love him! He is my dream man.

Thank you very much for your comment.

Announcement

Is he playing me?

Is he playing me?

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment