How to keep from crying when it becomes too much?

[Marmalade]

Have the two of you discussed money and how you see finances working in your relationship?

Different people have different views on it, and none are less valid, just wondering if he has any expectations that he'd be helping out.

I tend to have a bit of a communist mindset in serious relationships, where my partner and I have "our" money, not mine and his, where I pay for my things and he pays for his. Especially on big things like education, or vehicles, or rent, etc. But the money discussion, like many things, is kind of an ongoing discussion. There are times when I expect my partner would need to lean on me and times when I'd expect to need to lean on him, and in any case it would always be a matter of figuring out where our money is going, so it's not just both of us thinking it's there and spending it or something.

We have, but I just don't like the idea of it. I feel like asking him to move all this way just to be with me while I finish my degree is more than enough to ask. Plus I have my entire schooling paid for here where I am as long as I continue with what I planned out with my advisors. But I completely understand the communist view. He has explained his view and I have explained mine. He wants to buy me a car and pay for my education, but I want to do it on my own. I guess in a sense I'm independent.

[Marmalade]

See I spoil the heck out of him, but if he spoils me I can't stand it. I feel bad. I've always worked for what I have, but I guess as I grow more I'll have to learn to accept it. I think that it's wonderful that you do that for him . I'll talk to mine tonight and see what he says. Thank you all for your advice.

[squeeker]

I wanted to go to university in the UK too. One of my biggest problems was finding a good university with a program I liked that was close to where he lived. We were, at one point, planning on studying at the same university in the UK.. but that got changed cause he was moving and also I was having trouble getting it validated to be able to apply for BC/Canada student loans/grants for it... and I'm not sure how much they would have given me either. I have had the idea of trying to do study abroad in the UK but then I have to decide whether it's worth it to study in the UK if I am not close to him.. because even though the public transport is available, I would be studying a lot and things. So then I decided to just try and save up for summer visits, which might cost similar to the extra I would need to save up for a study abroad year, and this way I can be with him when I'm not studying. And then when I graduate and we get our finances sorted out, we are closing the distance.. and by that time we will be more than ready to get married.. cause we are already ready now.. but he isn't making money right now and neither is his dad.

Good luck with everything and I hope you can come up with a plan that works soon! Be flexible and open to changes because it can easily happen when planning.. and just if changes happen, start looking towards the new plan and stuff.. Stay strong!

[silvermoonfairy3]

I have had the idea of trying to do study abroad in the UK but then I have to decide whether it's worth it to study in the UK if I am not close to him.. because even though the public transport is available, I would be studying a lot and things. So then I decided to just try and save up for summer visits, which might cost similar to the extra I would need to save up for a study abroad year, and this way I can be with him when I'm not studying.

If you have any interest in studying abroad anyway, it's really an excellent experience and I highly recommend it. Studying in Wales was amazing.

I don't know what your major is, or where you'd be, but when I studied in the UK I found I had much more free time than I did with schooling in the US. It's possible you would too, and traveling to him wouldn't be much of an interference?
I don't know what Canada is like, but higher ed in some programs here has become something of an extension of high school, with general education requirements, busywork, taking attendance, etc. The UK, at least when I was there, was still more of the "do the work, don't do the work, it's your education" mentality, and more about having you do work that would help you learn things and progress, not just heaping on work for the heck of it.

The way it worked with credits and such meant that I was only taking 2 classes in the UK to have the equivalent of a 5 class load in the US. I was in class for about 4 hours a week, though of course expected to do readings and research on my own outside of class. The classes themselves were more in-depth in some ways, but also allowed me to do the work from wherever, and there were a lot of times you weren't expected to read or do everything, but the things that were furthering what you were working on. (Like, one prof gave us a syllabus that had the readings, and an ample list of supplemental reading suggestions depending on your area of interest and/or what you would write your research paper on. So you'd mostly only do supplemental readings in your area of interest.)

But yeah. Just commenting.

[Sapphire]

Student Visas are easy to get in the UK, but fees are definitely higher for internationals. Students are allowed to work between 16 - 20 hours per week (depending on your student visa) so that can help with finances? Although Wales is not the best part of the UK work-wise? Depends what you do

I struggle everyday to try not think about how hard it is to be away from my BF. Today I've watched 2 dvd's to try keep busy. I think sometimes we have to make ourselves get out and do something. We can't live in the past or future. We have to live in the now, making the best of today, even if we can't spend it with the person we really want to be with.

Hope you feel better

[Marmalade]

Student Visas are easy to get in the UK, but fees are definitely higher for internationals. Students are allowed to work between 16 - 20 hours per week (depending on your student visa) so that can help with finances? Although Wales is not the best part of the UK work-wise? Depends what you do

I struggle everyday to try not think about how hard it is to be away from my BF. Today I've watched 2 dvd's to try keep busy. I think sometimes we have to make ourselves get out and do something. We can't live in the past or future. We have to live in the now, making the best of today, even if we can't spend it with the person we really want to be with.

Hope you feel better

Yea I know jobs are hard to come by there. Thank you . I'm starting to.

[Starjasmin]

I just feel like we will never get to be together longer than a few weeks. At this point he makes 8k shy of the financial requirement for UK, but his dad makes 50k+ a year and could cosponsor me. I just don't want to take out loans to study and I could never ask him to pay for the rest of my schooling. I've meant to email a school or two there to find out what I'd be classified as if I were to marry him and then finish there. Does anyone know? Would I still be international? It might be stupid of me to ask, but I honestly have no clue. I just don't want us to get married and already have a ton of debt because of my University. I feel so stressed and I just want to have him hug me and whisper it will be alright, but he won't be able to for 75 more days. Am I just being young and stupid for dreaming? How do you keep calm when you're feeling overwhelmed and missing them dearly?

Have you thought of maybe marrying and taking that first year to just work and save money? I mean, if it'll take a year to move out of the international category. It would push back your schooling a year, but maybe then you won't be saddled with international student debt right at the start of your marriage.

You are NOT young and stupid for dreaming. You are wonderful. You are in love. You found your love! There are challenges and obstacles ahead, but you WILL get through them. One at a time. Don't let the stress of the real world, school and money and stuff like that overwhelm you. You will tackle that stuff, I know it. It seems so impossible sometimes, I know. Especially when you're missing him so much. But have faith in you and him and what you have built so far. And if you can, skype him. Seeing my boo always helps me. We have mostly financial difficulty. He has trouble finding and keeping a job. I've got a great job, but I've been stupid and have credit card debt and very little savings. That's mostly what is keeping us apart. And it all seems insurmountable sometimes until I break it down to the nuts and bolts. Save my money. One day at a time. Pay my debt, save my money. And we'll get there!
Keep your chin up! We're all rooting for you!

[Marmalade]

Have you thought of maybe marrying and taking that first year to just work and save money? I mean, if it'll take a year to move out of the international category. It would push back your schooling a year, but maybe then you won't be saddled with international student debt right at the start of your marriage.

You are NOT young and stupid for dreaming. You are wonderful. You are in love. You found your love! There are challenges and obstacles ahead, but you WILL get through them. One at a time. Don't let the stress of the real world, school and money and stuff like that overwhelm you. You will tackle that stuff, I know it. It seems so impossible sometimes, I know. Especially when you're missing him so much. But have faith in you and him and what you have built so far. And if you can, skype him. Seeing my boo always helps me. We have mostly financial difficulty. He has trouble finding and keeping a job. I've got a great job, but I've been stupid and have credit card debt and very little savings. That's mostly what is keeping us apart. And it all seems insurmountable sometimes until I break it down to the nuts and bolts. Save my money. One day at a time. Pay my debt, save my money. And we'll get there!
Keep your chin up! We're all rooting for you!

Thank you for that we are discussing all our options when he gets here in December so that will definitely be on our list. We Skype every night, but sometimes I just miss holding his hand and his hugs. You'll make it through it all too good luck to you too.