Am I being to demanding?!

[Lisa88]

So, I've been in an LDR for over 2 months now. In comparisation with some of you guys it seems nothing but experiencing some little 'differences' or 'issues' or how should I call it.

He's really shy and insecure towards me. I'm a really outgoing person, always say what I think (sometimes say before I think) and he's a real introvert. I hope he will open up to me bit by bit but sometimes I ask myself ' Am I to straight off?' or 'Do I scare him?'.
Also when he says he going to do something today it takes a week or two. Like filling out his application form. Trying to be patience with all of this but I sometimes get really frustrated. He thinks he has all the time in the world to apply for his visa but I think March will be there sooner than he thinks. I just want to look forward to something. If his visa is accepted I know he will be visiting me, if not I have to prepare to travel to him.
Also I suggested him to pay for his application fee. (I think about 50$) because I'm being realistic and I know that the wages in Jamaica are a lot lower than in Belgium so I rather have him saving for his plane tickets. Then he be like 'Uhm, Okay, what you think is best' or ' I don't really know what to say'. Maybe he's too proud to accept it?

Am I being to demanding? It's my first LDR so sometimes I have no idea what I'm doing?!

[Redheart14]

Do you think he might need some help going through the visa forms? Maybe that's why it's taking him so long to fill it in (I don't know I've never had to do one). If it's not that, maybe he has a few other things going on that he's trying to juggle too. Some of us are planners and can be stress heads (that's what I'm like) and others like to just relax and do things at their own pace. Maybe just express your concern as you said here about March coming soon. If he knows how you feel then he might be able to hurry it along. Paying the application, that's reasonable. I think he response may have been meant in a gracious way. After all it's your money, it sounds like he didn't want to tell you what you should do as its your money. And I'm sure he would appreciate it, if it helps you two get together sooner.

[Lisa88]

Thanks for the respons!
I am a planner and stresshead! I always want things done NOW. I fixed all his documents for his visa application. I did the biggest part and he only had to answer to about 10 questions and ask for a jobletter at work. So that's the part what frustrates me. I know Jamaican people can take things slowly and relax but I didn't realize it was going to be sooooo relax. I'm always saying he has to hurry up and he's always saying I have to calm down and relax.
About the application fee, I really want to pay it because I want to get him here. Just thinking pratical, if he's not able to save for his plane ticket and can't come over I'm going over there twice this year. We're looking at 800$-1000$ a ticket so if he doesn't come over I'll be having a lot of saving to do. More than the 50$ for his application.

[differentcountries]

Yes, you are a bit of over planner. March is far away. I am trying to convince SO we have to apply for late January! Also, if his job has to contribute that may take some time by itself. SO 's bosses took forever last time we applied. Also yes, the visa forms can be a bit difficult to fill out, and they differ from country to country so it doesn't always help to have experience either. Just ask him if you can help him in any way.

[snow]

Applying for a visa is not easy and it takes a lot of "getting yourself out there". It took me quite some time to be able to fill out my application and send it out, because it's hard to prepare yourself. Just imagining that you have to go to that damn interview and explain why you need the visa is hard on the mind. You put a lot of effort into one thing and you have to be ready for it.
Does that sound weird?
I know it took me a lot of time to finish all the paperwork, not because I didn't know how, but because I knew it had to be flawless to get the visa approved.

[Starjasmin]

Thanks for the respons!
I am a planner and stresshead! I always want things done NOW. I fixed all his documents for his visa application. I did the biggest part and he only had to answer to about 10 questions and ask for a jobletter at work. So that's the part what frustrates me. I know Jamaican people can take things slowly and relax but I didn't realize it was going to be sooooo relax. I'm always saying he has to hurry up and he's always saying I have to calm down and relax.
About the application fee, I really want to pay it because I want to get him here. Just thinking pratical, if he's not able to save for his plane ticket and can't come over I'm going over there twice this year. We're looking at 800$-1000$ a ticket so if he doesn't come over I'll be having a lot of saving to do. More than the 50$ for his application.

I can really relate to parts of this post. I think it's partly a patience thing. I paid for most of his ticket to see last month because his visit wouldn't have happened otherwise, not for many months later anyways. And I could NOT have that!! We do what is necessary. I think I would just make sure he doesn't have any concerns or reservations about his trip or visa that's keeping him from getting it done. It could be just a personality thing. It would be good to find out why he's lagging on his end. Otherwise, I totally get you!

[Lisa88]

Maybe I have to relax a bit more.
The good news is that I got all the information I needed yesterday for his visa! So he's ready to apply. He allready applied twice in the past and it was always approved. So does that mean that the changes are bigger that his visa with approved this time?
Talked about his weird reaction on the money I want to give him for his app fee and you guys were right. He really appreciates it!
He also said he still wants to come over but the application makes him feel nervous.

Yesterdaynight we had a Skype date planned. I was meeting some friends and I said I wouldn't stay to long so we could Skype. He said he was looking forward to it. So an hour before I got home I send him a text message ' be home in an hour'. I send him 5 more text messages. No respons...
So no Skype date and at the moment still not heard from him either. I'm trying not the freak out. Always overthinking too much.
This is so new for me. Still searching my way in this LDR relationship.

[Petals]

Maybe I have to relax a bit more.
The good news is that I got all the information I needed yesterday for his visa! So he's ready to apply. He allready applied twice in the past and it was always approved. So does that mean that the changes are bigger that his visa with approved this time?
.

What type of visa was he approved for? $50 in Jamaica is a small amount of money - $5000 Jamaican dollars approximately and that's the average electricity bill.

What kind of work does he do? Have you met in person?

[Lisa88]

Tourist visa.
We met in person and he works as a coordinator in a resort over there.

[Petals]

Tourist visa.
We met in person and he works as a coordinator in a resort over there.

Ok good! He stands a better chance of getting a visa once all the requirements are met.

Re communication: make it clear about what you expect. Don't nag, just be direct with your expectations in a non-combative manner. One off communication mishaps are ok, but if it becomes a pattern then that's a bigger issue.

I missed Skype with my SO this weekend, because I couldn't wake up early enough - I stayed out late this weekend. This has never happened before and I won't let it happen again. He's asleep now and I'm sure he's a little upset with me.

[Lisa88]

Ok good! He stands a better chance of getting a visa once all the requirements are met.

Re communication: make it clear about what you expect. Don't nag, just be direct with your expectations in a non-combative manner. One off communication mishaps are ok, but if it becomes a pattern then that's a bigger issue.

I missed Skype with my SO this weekend, because I couldn't wake up early enough - I stayed out late this weekend. This has never happened before and I won't let it happen again. He's asleep now and I'm sure he's a little upset with me.

I try not to nag because he hates that. He knows what my expectations are but I don't know his. I've been asking about it but everything what I do is okay to him. He's introvert and maybe he's scared to tell his expectations?
I'm not upset with him because we didn't Skype but the fact that he's reading my texts and don't respond to them. Is it right to be upset or not? I don't know?

[Petals]

It is highly unlikely that he's scared to voice his opinion. He's just a more laid back type. This is most likely why he takes his time getting things ready for visa app - just his personality. When he feels strongly about something -you WILL know.

How do you know he's reading your texts? If that's the case you have every right to be upset.

[Lisa88]

It is highly unlikely that he's scared to voice his opinion. He's just a more laid back type. This is most likely why he takes his time getting things ready for visa app - just his personality. When he feels strongly about something -you WILL know.

How do you know he's reading your texts? If that's the case you have every right to be upset.

I send my texts with Whatsapp so you can see it when he reads them. I think I'm gonna have to learn to have a lot of patience !
Like I said before it's my first LDR so sometimes I feel like I don't what I'm doing. He had an LDR before so he's more used to it en comfortable with it. So i'm happy to talk to people who are in a simular situation. Then I realize that I'm not the only one in this situation

[differentcountries]

He's introvert and maybe he's scared to tell his expectations? ... he's reading my texts and don't respond to them. Is it right to be upset or not? I don't know?

Introversion is not really about that. There are introverts who are shy and there are introverts who love to voice their opinions. Maybe you can tell him you would like for him to respond, even if he doesn't have much to say. Have to tried Viber or any of the other apps with emicons? Sometimes it is easier to post an emicon than text

[p_b82]

I often get irritated when my GF reads stuff and doesn't reply, and we recently had a bit of falling out over a difference of perspective that got blown out of proportion.

As a result I am learning to not dwell on that so much, and she is working on replying to questions/info when she is able to, and not just waiting for when she knows I will be online to respond - eg I hear nothing from before I go to bed, or after I wake up until she gets up to go to work....

Communication is key here though, she did not understand how it bugged me, and I did not understand how she just had no idea that it would be a nice thing to do - she often cites that she knows I don't sleep well and doesn't want to wake me.

To her it was also a sign of possessiveness and mistrust on my behalf, because I was 'checking up' on her rather than getting her to 'check in' with me..... which is not something she is used to have ever really done, being a single parent and a whole host of other factors.

Ultimately my advice is, if you do not work out a compromise for yourself between the two of you, it will eat you up, if you sit there all the time 'waiting' and checking for a response. I am being more relaxed about it, and as such am getting less worked up, and happier as a result, and therefore a 'better' BF as I not being negative or complaining about stuff....

However not sticking to a 'date' is annoying and I sympathise - I would be very irritated if the time had been agreed upon and there was a no show, and no explanation as to why. It is just rude, and I would be pissed off if a friend stood me up for a drink etc, so would expect more.