What does your relationship provide that your friends & family cannot/do not?

[Petals]

I really enjoy the idea of this thread! There are a lot of things that a good friendship and a good relationship have in common, IMO, and since I select my friends very carefully, I feel that the basics are the same - Feeling comfortable around each other, trust, honesty, etc. Since I have friends I'm incredibly close with, I've asked myself before how I would really distinguish a romantic relationship from a platonic one. If I'm honest, there aren't a lot of major differences, but I think I can list the few:


1. We really are a team. I'd do a lot for friends and family, but I would never be willing to majorly compromise on my life plans for them. My SO is the only person besides me who plays a major part in my life plans. I'm still my own person, that I will never give up, but with him I actively want to plan together. He has a priority in my life that nobody else gets. Every day, we work together, support each other with our goals, and help each other be the best possible version of ourselves. We share an amount of teamwork that I don't have with anyone else.

2. We pool our resources together. Resources aren't just material goods, mind you - Our skills, our time, our devotion, etc. all go together in a pool. In our relationship, there is no place for petty scorekeeping or bargaining - It doesn't matter that he will make more money than me, it doesn't matter who did more chores, and it doesn't matter who had to put up with more stress for the other recently. We are both going towards the same goal of being happy on the terms that work for us individually, and on that, there should never be a need for mistrust.

3. We can lay everything bare. Even in the absolute best of my friendships, there are things I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing up or that would simply not be appropriate. With him, however, I can truly show the full spectrum of who I am and not feel a single bit of shame. The same goes vice versa. We show each other all of our sides, and we can always communicate and be honest with each other about all aspects of life. And no matter how much we sometimes disagree on a matter or how harshly we call each other out on problematic behaviour, we still have each other's utmost respect. Together, we never have to feel forced to hide anything.

Aww...this is an excellent post! Thank you for sharing . We lay everything bare, we are a team, we pool our resources : awesome!

IMO, it is good to analyze our relationship from time to time and note the dynamics to determine where our strengths and weaknesses exists. Sometimes we focus on one or the other and perpetuate a cycle that is not beneficial to us nor the relationship. Often we just move with the flow, or cling to the person who will have us or basically choose the best from a bunch of 'losers' because we think nobody better exists.

I know if I'd been more discerning, I would not have married my ex. When I decided to walk away after a very brief marriage, I did it because I realize that he could not provide a fundamental need and no matter how many discussions took place, he would always fall short in that area. Many failed to understand why I walked away so quickly, but I knew I could not compromise on that, so with the help of counseling, I made the tough decision.

In matter of months, someone much better suited walked (or should I say typed! lol) into my life and it has been the most effortless and mutually beneficial relationship I have had. Nothing is forced and we are on the same page. At times, I think of something we need to discuss, but he brings it up before I do which is just absolutely refreshing. I sometimes feel like wow, this is all too good to be true; then I remind myself that I deserve happiness and pinch myself - this is what it feels like to be with someone who truly values me and share my ideals.

He's not perfect...nobody is, but he's pretty close in my book lol.


Several painful things that I have learned :
-Relationships will have challenges but it shouldn't feel like a constant struggle, like you are forcing something to fit.

-If the problem exists before marriage it most likely WILL after marriage - marriage changes little, except that it legally binds you together. Do not focus on the 'end goal' of marriage , but focus on the health of relationship.

-You can assess compatibility in LDR but ask for full disclosure : finances - loans, credit score, spending habits (very important), future plans etc. Get proof where possible, especially when marriage is being considered to end the distance.

-Visits are great highlights of LDR, but try to let them be as normal as possible after the first one or two, because your life together won't be a vacation. This is so important if you are planning to relocate internationally for the relationship.


This thread is not about gloating, it is about a true reflection of your relationship; one that I hope might help some people realize that they aren't in a relationship that is good for them or one that reinforces/underscores the healthy dynamic that exists in some relationships.

Please continue to share your thoughts

[Dwessie]

I get someone who is willing to support me even though she is WAY too good for me, I am kind of a mess and I have some mental issues and a lot of people I know accidentally make them worse (I swear they all suck at listening) and at the end of the day she's the only one who can make me feel like I'm not a complete idiot. She knows when I run off and go hide it's not because I'm "being a butt" but because I'm in another spiral of disappointment in myself. She always knows how to cheer me up.

For her I get to give her the family life she always wanted. Her family is broken as heck and somehow even more unstable than I am, and she tells me a lot that I give her a nice stable thing to come home to. It's nice (but a bit of pressure because not once have I ever been the stable one in anything!)

We both also give each other motivation and something to work towards. We both had nothing like that beforehand, and I was convinced I'd just stay here in my mom and dad's house having no drive or purpose until I stopped existing.

[Kedestria]

My relationship with him gives me so much. He gives me absolute acceptance and trust, which is something I don't really get from my family. I get a safe place full of love and teasing and fun. In our nearly two years together we have gained more independence, more maturity and more self-confidence. I hadn't known how much I'd grown as a person until he'd pointed it out last night, and I can see the same in him. We're both in rather tough times right now, so we also get support, hope and reassurance from each other. Truly, there's so much more, but it's too much to write down.

[Unconditional]

I get this deep connection I've never had with anyone, and I can't explain it other than I feel like his soul and mine are in a way one in the same.

I get someone who makes me truly happy, who wants me to be the best I can, and believes in my dreams and vanquishes my worries and fears.

I get someone who is forever patient. Someone who is imperfectly perfect. Someone who I never truly saw until I began to open my heart again. Someone who gave me positivity when everyone around me acted as if I had a death sentence. Someone who assured me at my lowest time in my life that everything would be okay. Something that no one else gave me.